I wrote a few weeks back about a common symptom of cancer treatment and its effect on our bodies. Exhaustion.

I was called the other evening by my older brother and he said hey, how are you ? I was thinking about taking a ride over to see dad. Do you feel up to going ? Well, I always look forward to seeing my dad.But, it was a struggle getting off the chair but, I did. The next day I crawled out of bed because I decided I  was not staying in bed and wasting my day. So, I popped out of bed and took care of my old puppies and began my morning prayer that lead up to my blog writing.

What happened to me is this, I have been going everyday since Thanksgiving and it is catching up with me. Yesterday my youngest brother came by to take me to an appointment and when I got home I dragged myself into My recliner/ docking station lol. I had a level of tired that I have not felt in so long.

You know recovery takes a really long time , longer than any doctors words could have prepared me for. When I was out yesterday with my brother I was reminded again what a deficit I have physically.

The other component to this situation besides the physical is the mind. My mind has again been going down the road and thought process of  I want to be normal again.  I loved the running, WORK, and doing, it was a full life. It was a good tired feeling for a job well done. Unlike the current exhaustion that I can feel. And, this thought process  is a dead end street. My mind wanders there and wonders when it will be changed to a through way. I came home the other night from visiting my dad’s house got out of my brothers truck , carefully! Made my way into My home and my wife greeted me with a big smile and said how do you like it ? I looked at her she looked great as always. She said were you surprised again I said what and looked around. She said the lights.

Because, of my being so careful and preoccupied with getting out of my brothers truck and not slipping on the wet leaves I did not even notice the Christmas lights on the front walkway bushes or railings. I went in the basement entry. The point is this, I was wiped out and was too tired to notice. My wife apparently when she heard that  I was going to see my dad decided to surprise me and rounded up the kids to help her give the house a little Christmas cheer. So, I was very grateful that they did that for me. I just felt like a jerk for not noticing.

I had always done all of the exterior Christmas decorating , I loved it. It was a labor of love. I always was repairing lights, and decorations. MY home was always decorated so that on Thanksgiving night when the whole family arrived for coffee and desserts it was festive and the celebration of the Advent/ Christmas Season began. I miss those days and I miss my mom.

After being out yesterday with my brother I was so tired and a little down, I laid on my chair with my blanket on me all night reading, talking to my kids about random subjects, prayed and watched some nonsense on tv for 5 minutes.. What happened to tv its is crappy.

My desire to be normal has crept into My dreams now as well. I woke up this morning with a dream that I was working even though I was still left side handicapped. I was training to be an electrician . I was working for a friend who is an electrician and apparently I made yet another mistake that was not good. He said Dan, this is the 3rd mistake today your costing me money. And in my dream I am on a ladder with a tool in my right hand and my left hand just hanging there.  Funny how the mind works. But kinda sad that my mind is still mourning the good old days.

I guess the moral to this story is this for all my friends trying to rebound from any illness or desease, keep your chin up and be grateful for all that you have. Try to stay patient with where you are.

Writing this blog, people may think wow, this guy is amazing he is so up beat. But I want to say again that we are all the same. We all suffer from the same condition we are all frail  human beings living an imperfect life. We all have moments of silent desperation. So, I am in the boat with you all too.

The one thing I truely own is my relationship with my God, The reason why people look at me and say wow you look awesome is because of God. The reason why I put my foot on the floor getting out of bed is God. The reason why I love so deeply is because of my God. And finally, the only reason that I have anyone that I love and that love me,shelter ,food , and medical care is God.

DAY BY Day

God Bless You,

Danny