I was sitting in my kitchen yesterday (Saturday ) and it was raining out. My daughter was making vanilla bean cake with some intricate frosting for a client/friend and the kitchen smelt unbelievable. Everything is from scratch so the aroma is very crisp.

She looked at the usually bubbly daddy and and said whats wrong? I just said nothing. She dug a little deeper and I just said its almost Christmas, its gloomy out, I am here but don’t do much. I said do you remember all the breakfasts and dinners that  I made here in this kitchen over the years?  I said, now, I cannot do that. What I use to make in my kitchen was a labor of love for my family and friends. They were eloborate dishes that required 2 hands to complete. My family remembers them well. My wife and kids are good cooks as well, so I am not starving !! LOL I just miss being me. We would have gatherings  at my old home and here with up to 60 people in attendance. It was an honor and pleasure to open our home up.  Back in the early days I had a party with no livingroom furniture and had extra plastic chairs and tables from my yard set up in there. It was beautiful  times with my family and friends. We were packed in like sardines and were so happy. Kids everywhere , drinks spilling, kids running around, it was so fun ! And then we had beautiful church gatherings and celebration here as well. We had Cursillo Holy Rosary Services here too.  The prayer gatherings were packed with adults and children all participating in the family Rosary, how beautiful!  The children are our greatest personal gifts from God. Amen.

My daughter said you miss  Nana too, right?   I said yes, my parents always told us when we were younger about the Christmas blues. I did not understand what that meant until recently. I now understand. In life, we need to live to understand so much of what our parents taught us as kids. We own it and  then when death happens we understand and then need to work through the emotional part of the loss  to find peace.

My sister Saint D. 🙂 contacted me this morning and mentioned the same sentiments to me. No one did more for my mom than my sister and dad ! Lifes situations require healing  time and emotions vary from person to person so we all experience it differently but healing does come to all in time. Every wound will heal. My mom passes a year ago this past August but I still feel her presence with me. My memory and God’s love connects us. So I feel joy in the end of it all because I was blessed to have my mom selected by God to raise myself and my siblings. And we will be together again someday.

What I have come to understand personally is that I have been living a Victory of my personal survival of terminal cancer in this moment. I have been surving and doing my victory lap in this life for God’s Glory. But now that I am in a peaceful place personally I am being confronted with the many personal losses in my life. I am grieving those aspects truely for the first time. It is my emotional Journey, Which will lead to Spiritual growth for me.

Its time to confront them now and pray on them. God will guide me through the Holy Spirit , he will heal my emotions and show me where to put them. He will also direct me on to whats next. I just know that I need to feel fulfilled, I need to get out of here and provide for my family in some regard. I am currently getting ready to go for my liscense again to get it reinstated. I got behind the wheel of my sons car with my permit and it was like I had never stopped driving. It was a beautiful feeling of being free. The possibilities of my life began to open up once again. Another Miracle is getting a license reinstated after it is surrendered due to a terminal illness. The system is not accustomed to a dead man walking. LOl sorry, my dark sence of humor again. Going back to get it reinstated.

Its has been a hurtle to get over for sure 🙂

Well, I more than satisfied all of their tests. I am doing well thanks to God.

God’s showing them what he can do.

I am currently looking for a used Geloppy LOL so that I can get the few items installed into that I require (devices) and then I will schedule my road test. It needs to be the vehicle that I am tested in that I will be driving. The medical division is fussy 🙂

So say a little prayer I find something to suit my needs and it passes inspection. 🙂

So, a little ode to myself today with my little pitty party.  🙂  OMG I am a Drama King !! 

Those Were The Day’s

For all of us remembering and missing our loved ones I do truely believe that they hear all and watch us all.  I know nothing more than you all but my heart tells me that.

For my mom and all of your loved ones.

Finally,

My mom loved Anne Murray, and I know she loved this song as well. My mom was a class act 🙂

 

For us all and to soothe our hearts just know that our loved ones are resting in the Lord and are just awaiting our arrival. Amen !

Anne Murray – Silent Night, Holy Night and other songs. 

  Anne Murray.

God Bless You,

Danny