Well, the Christmas and New Year’s Holidays are behind us now. Advent ended on Dec 24th so we are now able to access our progress in our faith building.
I am still assessing my personal progress on my Advent goals. In some ways I feel successful in other ways not so successful.
When I first was diagnosed with cancer about 2 years and 10 months ago I was in such a protected place.
I am now very much aware of myself, my body and my daily effort to be normal and productive. I have been crabbing about my situation off and on for a while now.
One of my goals this past Advent was to be truely grateful and to surrender to what I do not have power over. My recent NY trip put a spot light on my physical shortcomings once again. I guess I needed to be woken up to that reality once again.
I guess if I am being honest with myself and you that I feel like I have finally arrived at adversity Ville. A place that I have never been to before. I have always personally felt I did not have adversity. My body is in the same stage of healing so that’s nothing new but I guess my mindset has moved into this new reality. After the mind arrived there my emotions then needed to go there too. My emotions have been left to make peace with this life situation. I hope heaven corrects and heals me and I get okay with this current mindset.
The question is this , Am I willing to just accept it for what it is and not feel defeated. The only answer that I could come to is not a simple yes. It is the phrase , I have to. I am on a proverbial dead end street. I need to find new ways to reinvigorate my body and mind. I am healing I am making strides but it is taking far longer than I thought it would.
We all struggle with our own life struggles and we all have our own personal victories.
I was talking to a friend the other day and said to this person, yes I know God, I know my situation, but I wonder , will I ever be my old self again physically?
As I am learning on a day by day basis it is a mental and physical struggle to put the proverbial chin up. Is it phytigue from the 2 years and 10 months of raging battle against desease. ? I really do not know.
I have highlighted on this blog many people who are true inspirations who have overcome such difficult odds and I do not at times feel as strong as them. I feel God strong and Danny weak simultaneously. It is an interior battle all the time.
I want to be honest about who I am and what my daily struggles are. This blog is suppose to help others and by doing this I in turn am being helped too. I benefit because I am through this process dragging and ripping the layers of my deepest thoughts and battles out in the light. Where I can confront the life issues and myself on so many fronts.
I have been toying with the idea for sometime about setting up an email for this blog. So that it is not so one sided. I need to make sure that I can handle what that might mean. The good and bad that it could bring. It’s just another thought that needs prayer and time to bring an answer to.
So, God Bless You All and pray for me, I am praying for you.
Danny
Carried me, jeremy camp.
Just Danny Speaks 