Today June 28th was my first full day return to Dana Faber for a follow up on how my treatment had worked since my brain surgery and tumor removal 8 weeks ago today.
Leading up to this appointment I lost my AUNT to Cancer which only brought back my mothers passing. I have 2 friend that are currently struggling with their cancer journeys so my emotions have not been where they need to be in order to keep my psychie stable and upbeat.
I went to bed at 9:00 p.m last evening which is unheard of for me. It was the best decision as it worked out. I woke rested and ready to go. I got up got ready ate breakfast and my wife, my brother and my sister were out the door to Boston.
I had had my brain scan , met my doctor afterward and Dr. Reardon said well Dan would you like to see the scan?
I said sure he opened up my last scan and the one from today side by side and he said as you can see as he pointed out the differences of the scan 50 percent if not more is gone. It is empty fo the protol is working. I was so thrilled to hear this. Glio is not a curable cancer at this moment but it seems that the way I will be handling it is to just to keep beating it back with melds to suppress the tumors chance to grow.
its was decided that I would remain on the chemo pills and the Avastin drip 2 times a month. I will be scanned once again in a few weeks to keep an eye on what is going on inside of my skull.
the bottom line is this your head and the voice of discouragement is always toying with our emotions. I for one believe in good and evil. And evil does not want us at peace nor does it wants us to life with faith and victory that only Jesus can bring.
Jesus met me where I was at this week. I prayed and he continued to pour down peace upon me. To the point that I laid Down to bed without a care in the world on Tuesday night and slept like a rock. That’s God for you.
God Bless You All and Thankyou for your prayers. Ame n
This song is one that I heard while in my bathroom within the last week. My daughter Rachael use to listen to it and sing it all the time. Our faith has been foremost in our home for years it’s just an everyday fact of our lives which has served us all well. My daughter Rachael owns her faith as well and she gravitates to the a positive messageS out there. She was very in involved with teen encounter at St. Basils in Methuen and it was in her saying yes to serving others that she met her boyfriend Austin from NH that she would never had met without her faith and So, God is working in everyone’s life. Austin is one of the finest men that I have ever met and his family is very much like ours.
As difficult as life can be , it is beautiful. I have said truthfully in my writings that the 2nd time with Glio has been a different experience and I am pushing myself everyday through every motion to get that one extra step or movement in. The next moment where I can grab 1″ more of my life back. Those are my minutes of hope. I believe that this will always get better if we look up and give it to God. Hope springs eternal in me. So, I listened when the song was on an listened to the words and it made sense to me and its hope was a very healing thing to me in that moment. We cannot move the mountains but our free will allows us to decide how we spend our days and wherever allow our thoughts to take us. Amen
Keep trucking and keep positive. It’s just the climb. 😀
.This week has been one that encompassed so many different situations and emotions.
I attended my Aunt / Godmothers funeral on Monday and Jeanne fought a very difficult battle with lung cancer. It was sad. The mass of her life celebration aka funeralwas beautiful. I felt very badly for my uncle who is now without the love of his life after over 59 years so I know this road alone for him will be difficult.
I also released all of the in home care that I was receiving. The nurses and PT from partners health care were great but, I just wanted to get back to my regular physical therapist and the equipment that they had for me t use. I did not have equipment necessary for my in home use. So, I was discharged on Monday afternoon and saw my regular PT on Tuesday. I was so pleased to be back in to a familiar location with a friend and Therapist that knew me from day 1.i
Tuesday was also a beautiful life event for my wife and I .There was a surprise 30 Anniversay party thrown in our home by one of our best family friends couples and our children. We had no idea and it was such a beautiful evening.so, again a beautiful moment that needs to be amplified and is one of the moments that makes joy permeate the battle with cancer.
My physical therapist Matt
just said upon seeing me how badly he felt that I was in this position once again. He knows how hard it was to get to where I am . Matt said that he could not believe how good I looked. He actually said that I looked better than the last time he saw me which is when my insurer refused my request for continued service. Back in the Fall of 2015 .I had apparently hit my contract limit. With the reoccurrence of cancer, my surgery and treatment I was able to get more services to combat this episode of treatment for my left side weakness so believe it or not I look at it as a positive thing. God knows how much further I can get with the proper assistance. 👍😀
I was honest with Matt and just said Matt, I am grateful to still be here and don’t want to complain but I am sick of it. After 4plus years of this roller coaster of a life I am tired of cancer and my quality of life. Again, I am thankful to be alive. I feel very badly for my wife, my children, my dad and my siblings and my friends too all of their daily lives revolve around me and my cancer narrative. I realize that I could not avoid this disease but I still feel badly. In the last month I have had a little more difficulty remaining positive all of the time. I pray a lot and rely on God and my family daily to stay in a place where tomorrow exists.People can sense my struggle I hear it all the time. That I need to be positive. Again, this blog needs to be real it needs to help others on the same journey as myself if not then it is a wasted for time and energy . I want people as they read if they are in the same boat as currently am that they are not alone in their feelings and that its okay. We are not hopeless we are to remain hopeful. Especially for those that we love.
This is past week has been very busy for me socially which was very nice. I wanted to get out and because I had plans I did not want to cancel no matter how tired I was I am sick of saying no,
So, Friday night my son brought Janet and I to IMAX reading to see this movie,
we we took Dan to dinner afterward to catch up it was really nice. Those moments in this life are the most important medicine to me and the human experience it’s about love, it is about connection.
Saturday friends came down from Peterborough NH and we went to dinner at a local restaurant after the 4:00 mass.
Sundays plans kept changing and we Janet and I ended up attending a college graduation forgraduation party for a wonderful young man who i. consider to be family. I truly feel like his surrogate father . He is a great young man we even sponsored sponsored him for his Cursillo retreat in Methuen Ma at Saint Basils.
We we were so thrilled to see him move towards his goals.
This upcoming week is a big one Wednesday I have my next scan to see what cancer may remain in my brain after surgery and treatment. I remain cautiously optomistic but will have to see what is found on Wednesday.i also need to see what else might be available in the war chest. I know radiation is done forever in my head so that is no longer something available to me. I am simply giving it to God. No matter what happens Wednesday it does not change the reality of my God in my life. He has me from here to eternity. . I just do not want my family having to deal with everything. I know what Glio looks like in the end and am not relishing the idea of my family having to see it so personally.
So, I will be blogging on the result on Wednsday or Thursday of this week.
Have a wonderful week. God bless you all. Please say a prayer for me as well.
I saw this song today on my blog from a while ago and loved it. In life we can make mistakes and fall down or we can get run over by life when things happen like cancer etc. We need to get up with a hopeful heart knowing that IT WILL BE OKAY We do not have to like the situation but we do better when we accept the situation for what it is and go to GOD for the peace we need, the strength that we need and the hope that only our GOD can give us. ESpecially when I hear of suicide it breaks my heart that these typically young people just lose hope in tomorrow and resort to a horrible act to escapw the reality of their life’s situation. This song Simms up my feeling on this life. This is what faith can do.
God BLESS all families and dads and this weekend dads share the faith, joy and love of this life God with your families. What we share with our children today will perhaps same our families generations from now. AMEN
Happy June 16th and Happy Birthday to my mom and my mother in law Vera. They both shared the same birthdate June 16th. Vera was a few years older and was a very quiet and Holy women. Vera went home to God in Sept 2002 after a long battle with heart des ease. My mom went home to God in Aug of 2013 after a long battle with COPD, emphasema, and lung cancer. My mom know has with has One of her sisters Jeanne who passed this last week from the same thing that my mom did. So, her family is now growing in Heaven. My mom missed her sister and Jeanne missed my mom so we find comfort knowing that they are together and are reunited.
I came across this song and loved it. Happy birthday Mom, Vera and welcome to the Heavenly party Aunty Jeanne. You are all loved , you are all missed but we will meet again. Like you said mom it’s never goodbye, it’s until we meet again. ❌⭕️❌⭕️👍😀🙏✝❤️❤️❤️❤️
Today i am writing about a special person/ couple in my life my God parents Jeanne and Guy. I have been asking for prayers for my aunt Jeanne D. For quite a while and thank you for the prayers. Today is my Aunt and Uncles 58 wedding anniversary and my Aunt went to God this morning after a very hard fight with COPD Emphseyma and lung cancer.
Like my mom and dad Jeanne and Guy were married 58 years but we’re together as couples during the years of their husbands service in the military so they were there everyday for eachother for over 60 years. My dad has had a long road to his new life and identity as a widow. So, please pray for my uncle and his family as they start a life without their spouse and mom. My Aunt and Uncle like my parents kept stuff simple as they raised their 5 children. They constantly sacrificed for what was best for the family and did all that a parent would do to protect those that they loved. When my mom passed away 3 years ago this Aug my God mother began to call me daily. She missed my mother and I missed her too. We were both dealing with cancer ourselves so we ended up supporting and praying for one another. So this crappy thing known as cancer did have 1 very positive effect it allowed my Aunts and my relationship to grow in a way that helped us both and enriched our faith and belief in God.
Today for my ( god parents )Aunt and Ucle Jeanne and Guy,
At last , my Aunt is free form the pain and suffering and is now with God, my grandparents, my mom and all those that have gone before her.
I just got off the phone with a very good friend a few minutes ago” He calls everyday to touch bases and to read his reading from his Jesus calling devotional book. It was so nice. I have spent part of this weekend with my God mother who is in hospice after fighting a very hard case of cancer where she has suffered a whole lot. Coupled with my own struggle I found myself getting a little down and not so upbeat. I am writing this today because I need to be honest in my writing. Life is not easy no matter who you are. I told my friend that people on a whole look at me like I have a special relationship with God that makes me impervious to my plight. The bottom line is this. I am just a guy who is broken, and God does not love me or hear one more word that I or you speak or pray on to him.
In this moment my entire family is feeling the phytigue of the 2nd time around.
I go in a few weeks to get a scan to see where the cancer is at in my skull. I have no outward signs of anymore loss of mobility etc so that is encouraging. Cognatively, I am right where I should be with memory etc. the bottom line is that I am grateful to God for supporting me and helping me to be peaceful in this storm. But for anyone who thinks that I am happy about my situation and the ripples in my families life, I am not and if you feel upset in your life that’s okay. There is nothing wrong with being human . Just keep looking up and give everything back to God . Remember that he will give you what you need always, we are never alone.
Please pray for my beautiful aunt Jeanne D and her beautiful family who are now together at the hospice center.
This second time around with Glio is a different journey for sure. I have become aware of feelings, emotions and truths that are locked in my inner vault of my mind . I know that I am a deep thinker and a highly reflective person but I find myself today in a place that I cannot even describe. I am sick of cancer but I still remain unafraid of it and at peace with my battle. After all, cancer is in my case very random. It’s doesn’t become personal until I acknowledge it as having power. I disavow it as mine. It certainly is not from God so it does not belong to me.
Since my brain surgery last month I have lost 2 friends from cancer.
Jack Magni Jack was laid to rest as I laid in the operating room. I felt so bad that I could not pay my respects to he and his family.
Yes
Today, I lost another friend to BRyan from Glio Blastoma as well. Bryan was diagnosed at the same time as I was in 2012 his returned a short while ago and yesterday he went back to God. Please pray for Bryan and his beautiful family.
This closes out my second week of treatment for my Glio Blastoma diagnosis. Today was my first infusion of Avistan too. I had no negative side effects and continue to feel well . Praise God. I am being hunted by a horrible enemy to man namely cancer. My first diagnosis just over 4 years ago Jesus revealed himself so beautifully to me that I have been in a state of being so peaceful and not living in the fear of the cancer. God is in this journey defending us. With the second diagnosis and brain surgery I experienced the revelation of cancer with a different view . First I was angry because of everything’s hat I and my family have been through. Every single day has had its challenges and any improved mobility that I got back was based on Gods goodness and cease I made difficult second to second choices to focus on pushing to push through a situation to get to my desired goal. Each day needs to be a better version of the last day It can be a small step forward of a big one it makes no difference really. It is about being present in the moment with a small word of encouragement or a smile across the room to a person who is lost in their day dealing with health issue or their own problems. Lord know we all have them. . The smallest things in life are always the most important. It’s about seeing people who feel invisible, lonely, helpless or hopeless. We are all loved by God the same. We just need to remember to share that love.
So after, I got ready this morning for the doctor andto begin my new treatmentplan today this song came to me. I just googled the song with lyrics. This is how I feeling this moment. I Amin round two now struggling on a personal level and this time unlike my first journey my mom was here praying with me and supporting me.i really miss her. Know in my heart that she is by my side but truly miss the tone of her voice and holding hands as we prayed.
Ihave taken Jesus by the hand and he has walked into round two with me. He will help me to be victorious over this terrible disease.
I know now only one thing. Whether I survive long term this battle only God knows. I know that Jesus already won that war when he rose from the dead. Their is no eternal death so. I fear not death. Plus Jesus will never leave us. He is our Victory.
God Bless You All. You are in my prayers as well. 👍😀✝❌⭕️
So, what ever is going on in your life find the ray of Hope in your day and share that joy with others. Live like no one else today and you will live like few do when you leave this Earth. God Bless you 👍😀✝
I will not write my journey in a narrow way on in the narrow margin because our journeys are meant to be shared. We are all part of one humanity and are here to help, support, buildup , love and support. Our lives are canvases of beauty no matter what.we live through Jesus Victory and his breath in our bodies.
Please thank God this day for our friend Iram L who just had a great brain scan result today which we should all thank God for and stand with him in this moment of peace in this life.
also please pray for our friend B W. Who is living his journey with Glio and is in hospice with his wife and children by his side.
We pray to the Lord for all of their needs and healing. Amen
Just Danny Speaks 