I have not written very much over the last few weeks. Not because of any particular reason it has been busy for me in different ways and i just have not had the time or energy to pray on the message and find my starting point well, i guess now is the moment. i feel inspired so, here it goes. 🙂

I continue to be in treatment and the brain cancer is not into remission so I am going to continue my treatment protocol for 1 year if I should continue to need it. So, it’s pill formed chemo and Avastin drip in chemo in an attempt to attack the cancer on two fronts.

my next scan will be towards the end of August and will give mea better view of whether this plan is in fact working if so great if not then I will have choices to make with my family.

I am am not worrying about it at the moment.

today I went to Hanger prosthetics in Woburn  and got my ankle brace because I have a drop foot on my left side that causes me at times especially when I am tired to catch  my toe  on the surface I am walking on causing me to trip forward and gives me the potential of falling down. And, once I am down I cannot get up on my own. I do not have the strength and mobility at this time. I am very tired from the treatment but aside from that I feel very well. Psychologically, being honest I am sick of being sick. I am sick of feeling needy. I need help in much of my life’s needs. My wife and family are picking up all of the slack that I cannot pull myself.

My wife and I were offered last week an opportunity to go up to a friends home in Hampton NH . I spent weeks at a time there as a boy with my family my grandparents ,aunts,uncles and cousins.

The cottage was very nice and was set back 5 blocks from the main boulevard so it was very quiet the sunroom faced onto the marsh which too was beautiful. The sunsets from her from porch were just incredible. You could not capture it with a camera. But my mind holds it very clearly.

My wife is always trying to make things as normal as possible for me and she really wanted to get me onto the sand but the special beach wheelchairs that were available were already lent out with no idea of when they would be returned so the beach idea was not meant to be that day. I was fine at the cottage sitting quietly in the chair and I sent my wife and kids down to enjoy the time that they had. It was my wife Janet’s birthday as well so it was nice. The kids came back and forth depending on their schedules. It was so great to just be together. I disappeared to bed early but my wife and kids were up quite late laughing and playing scrabble so I was so pleased. Our friends generosity made for beautiful memories and a rest bit for us all which was priceless to me.

I went down to the boardwalk twice with my wife and just sat on the bench looking through the railing and down the length of the beach to as I was sitting there I envisioned the boardwalk 40 years ago the old green railing s and seating and thought of my parent grandparents aunts,uncles brothers ,sister and cousins. I could hear and remember through my minds eye those things fused into my my memory that are part of my hearts song.it has all been redone now and is beautiful.

I began to to remember being on the beach until nearly sunset and we would all run home to shower eat and off we went to the bandstand for the music, comic show or magician or 2 once in awhile. 🙂

it was good clean family fun.

On Sundaybmy wife got me into her car and we made it to the boardwalk and I sat again out of the sun looking onto the beach. I watched a young dad playing with his little ones and I looked on remembering my time with my kids

The great thing today at the beach is you do not need your transistor radio with the RadioShack batteries. If you have a cellphone or I phone as I do you can bring your music or whatever you want. As long as you have service your all set

this song came on as I sat looking at the people of the beach and the kids climbing on the small rock formation that to me 40 years ago looked like a mountain. I heard this song and I felt so connected to the past. I swear ton God I could feel my dearly departed with me and felt so good. While I was sitting there I uttered well, close but no cigar. My wife questioned me about it and I said well 5 years was the number that if you reach with this cancer is considered good. I made it 4 years and a moth before the cancer came back into my life. So, my inner mourning found its way out in a under my breath utterance. This song was so popular back in that time. I could picture myself running through the burning sand trying not to step on others beach blankets or kick sand at others as we ran past. I mourn for those days but I also Amos grateful that I had them. Every moment of my childhood,  marriage, and rearing of my children has given me such joy. I sat to my eldest daughter that I feel badly because if and when God blesses she and her husband Chris with children I will not be able to safely pick up the baby like I would want to because my left arm and hand do not work properly in this moment anyway. But, I had to turn that negative thought and statement around and said sorry God, I am blessed to have been able to experience that 4 times around with my children. Plus nieces and nephews. So I know what it is to have a little one who needs comfort food, diaper etc . I have looked at them as they took the pacifier, rubbed their cheeks and fed them you connect with your children by soathing them and gentle connection through the eyes. So, I i won’t be the papa who sitting on the floor or running beside the bike. But, that may not be my role in the grandchildren so lives. I know that I will always try to make them laugh, make them hopeful and they will know that God gave them to us to help them along their life’s journey. I will simply be.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlv9ucJLCvc

Another song that came up was this. One as I listened to it now 40 plus years later I thought some things in this song have changed others really have not.

Finally for my beautiful sister the oldest of my parents 5 children who is the most loving, and giving sister, generous sister that anyone could ever have. This was the song that she loved so much. For Donna, thanks love you honey ❌⭕️❌⭕️❤️❤️❤️

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsYnBI2nvHI

God bless you all,

well, off to bed soonDana Farber tomorrow morning very early. 😀

Danny

I had not heard this song for quite sometime and it popped up out of the blue today. I have been talking to so many people living their very own daily struggles whether it is, family, health or work related they are a hurtle physically, psychocially, emotionally and often monetarily. Regardless they are hardships.

This is song after investigating was written to help save lives from suicide and is beautiful.

Keep  the faith and tomorrow is full of possibilities.Amen!

God Blessyou all!

Danny.

well, the end of another week. I am feeling well and honestly feeling blessed.

I spent quite a bit a bit of time out on my deck today with my children, dad and our daughters in laws who are friends of ours too. The grill was going and the kids were in the pool. I was in and out of my home during this time calling my friends who are battling their cancers as well. I am now having difficulty getting through to them. One of my friends Ashwin last left a message when I was away to tell me that he had been in the hospital for 10 days and had just gotten out he had fluid in his lungs and they cannot figure what was causing it. So, he is tired of not feeling well and wants them to figure out how to mitigate this situation. Ashwin was a a receipent of a organ donor . And has had a lot of health issues, pain etc since that life event.

My my second friend that I have yet to hear back from is T. J. And he is just now at his 1 year anniversary of his pancreatic cancer diagnosis. I left another message for he and his family today should they want to talk.

T is a man based in Science. He believes that there is a creator but does not embrace the same rock solid faith foundation. I love both these guys A just clicked with me and I respected that fact that he and I could talk and support one another even thoughts clearly had different perspectives on our faith journeys.

plus, I understand pancreatic cancer too well it is a horrible journey and yet he smiles and keeps going. He asked me at one point if I would like to join he and his friends at a practice in his male choral group. He sang barbershop quartet. I looked at T and said no, I will ruin your music my voice is not what you need. He smiled and said Dan no you would fit in just fine. He is such a kind natured man. Always smiling and is living his victory the best that he could. He may not believe in the moment but kept calling me a Miracle.

For my friend T, I wish now that I said yes to your invite to join in that evening with your barbershop group. God bless you buddy .

Danny

God Bless You All please pray for Ash and for T. Joseph and for one another. Amen.

7-1-2016,

Happy 4th of July to everyone.

My wife and I had an invite to visit friends yesterday who were vacationing on the Cape South Yarmouth to be exact.

a

This couple and their 3 children are among our closest of friends Andre have been friends with Andrea for well over 40 years.  have been so very close as couples for around 30 years. Our kids are like theirs and their children are like ours. My friend Kenny says I am his oldest and bestest friend 😀👍

My wife took a vacation day yesterday and I am retired 😜Not 🙂 just waiting on my new career to materialize and begin. God knows what he has in storefront me so….  I silently wait and expect things to fall into place. And, they will.

I do not go many places anymore because when I go it becomes a production. Everyone evolved in my universe is busy coordinating and facilitating they day or trip to happen. I do not travel or ambulated well. I am always fighting exhaustion so, I spend my life saying I am sorry. Which, only makes everyone feel bad.

when my daughter was wed last June it was such a beautiful day but the whole day was filled with my needs. And, I made it through the day and fell into bed.

When my son and his lovely bride Andrea changed their wedding date from mid October to be wed in May so that I could attend I got through the beautiful mass and missed the reception because I was too weak to get out of the wheelchair. I had to get guys to help get me up.

I felt bad. No one ever blames me but I always feel badly and I am apologizing.

all the time.

as a matter of fact I just had to decline a beautiful young ladies wedding invitation to her Aug wedding. My wife and I felt badly but yesterday only cautified our decision.

We woke yesterday and were on the road by 6:00am Cape bound. It took us 1 hour and 45 minutes to arrive to our friends home and my left side did not want to move. I got assistance out of the car and assistance up the 2 steps into their home. Again, I had help but they were all nervous I know. They feel responsible for me. So, I started to apologize once again and they began their reassurances.

We then went and got breakfast at the Hearth and Kettle and it was good.

They reallywanted us to us to enjoy the beach I knew that I could not do the beach but our friends were way ahead of us and had arranged for a special sand and water chair that allowed me to be rolled onto the sand safely.

we pulled into the parking lot and were met by one of the lifeguards with the chair they helped me from the car into the special chair. They then rolled me onto the beach   and placed me under 3 large umbrellas that were set up so that I was shielded from the direct sun exposure. I relaxed there with them my wife and my youngest daughter Rachael for about 3-4 hours and I hit a wall and needed to leave the beach. They got me off of the beach and, it took 2 or 3 of them to get me out of the chair and back into the seat of the car once again. Remember, this is their vacation and all attention was focused on me. I felt bad, and still do.

They dropped me at the house and I assumed the position with my water and tv controller and allowed my body to rebound from the days activity. A short while later they all returned and Andrea with a little assistance got dinner made for us all. It was such a great day. But, as I said to my wife it was a reminder that I could not attend our friends daughters wedding on the beach. It would be a disaster. It’s Rebecca’s day not mine to mess up on her with confusion.

i am so very grateful to God for my wife, family and friends. In those elements in my life I need for nothing. Thankyou God and I love all you angels in my life. For A and K two of the finest people and friends that I could ever have asked for. Enjoy your vacation. I / we love you all more than words can express.

God Bless You!

Love,

Danny and Janet too

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLnRyGnB2u0