I think that life has served me up what has been the best life lessons in terms of my personal health issues. I have personally been forced to mind bend, and stretch my understanding of my everyday existence on such a personal level.
I personally before cancer went about my day and thought how I would achieve my next goal. I worried about the stuff. I walked around smiling and all the while inside I worried about the tomorrows, the kids, the house, the college stuff. The list goes on and on. I was the master of my ship. The ships name was Ego. I perhaps did not see it that way at that time but that is what it was.
When I attended my Cursillo retreat at St. Basils back in 1999 Fr. Martin spoke to the whole group of men who were on the retreat about how men wear masks to cover their feeling and are not particularly opened to others and I realized during that time how right he was. It’s not that men are deceiving the world so much as that they are deceiving themselves. We are raised in a culture that tends to push us to be quiet put your head down and excell forward towards a successful future full of stuff. Having stuff is not bad but it cannot be our reason to live.
With my cancer diagnosis back in 2012. I began a very long road of true self discovery not because I chose to but because I had to. I was not instantly enlightened and understood what I have come to know today. It’s been a long and grueling 3.5 years of living, suffering, being joyful, angry, and appreciative at the same time.a twilight zone of sorts. Prayer is Gods gift to me.
My past, childhood, family and more friends that I could ever count coupled with an embedded faith gave me the courage to say the heck with this and call on God with a deep seated heart felt prayer while I was told to prepare for death I gave it to God, he gave me my peace. In that moment God took pitty upon me and spared my life.
You see, I came to really understand and believe that the battle is his alone. We are called by God to make good Free Will choices. To pray and discern everything. To trust in his plan . I have learned that I honestly have been forced to due to cancer to realize that I am not going to live forever. Also, that if I do in fact believe in eternity with my Heavenly Father and all those who I love then I need to do some soul searching and find out who I really am. Well, my mask hit the floor recently and my vision is now even clearer.
I never take credit for anything anymore. I thank God for the good things in my life, my family, friends, and all of the daily items that I need. It began with him and it belongs to him.
God Bless You All,
please pray for.
Elayna, back issues.
Jeanne cancer.
Teddy cancer,
andrew upcoming knee surgery.
jenn, brain cancer.
for each other and our needs.
for the earthquake victims in Afghanistan and people suffering from wars, hunger and homelessness.
We pray to the Lord.
. Lord hear our prayers.
The Winans “Trust in God” – YouTube
Video for Trust in god site:youtube.com▶ 6:13 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSxFqIt9kqg
Sep 23, 2010 – Uploaded by Lakemillha
Clips to express the classic song “Trust in God” By the legendary Winans.
Today, while going through a pile of papers I came upon this. As a person who has fought to maintain my life all the while working with Doctors , nurses and their staff to heal I find this next video very disturbing. You watch and you decide. God bless.
An interesting. Side note to this video that my pastor shared in our weekly bulletin Is that I share the same birth date of the women in video April 6th.
While I was home on my birthday April 6 th , I was 10 years old and eating cake and ice cream she was being murdered in her mother’s womb. I guarantee you one thing God will have the last word my friends.
Please pray for Elayna this day . She is having sever back pain that is now effecting her legs.
Today was another beautiful and exhausting day and its only 3:00 pm.
Let me start with this song…..
First off in Danny world, I woke up today and my bedroom was freezing cold. I left the window open a bit last evening. My wife said oh my God I am freezing as she jumped up and I said yeh its great. lol. There is something about a warm bed and your cheeks are cool. the breathe of God in the breeze touching you. To me its a reminder of Gods assesibility to us always. For that reason my bedroom window is rarely fully closed regardless of the temp outside.
I want and need that personal closeness with God.
Off I went to the Livestrong program at the Y and had a great workout. ( for me that is). The facilities, the people who are assisting us cancer patients and survivors are truely amazing. their loving and caring nature is so incredible. Our group is working together to rebuild our bodies, our minds, our attitudes and Gods with us putting it together.
As I have said time and again read Psalm # 139 and you will see that God knew that we would be there and meet one another. We are all pilgrams on a journey back to God. Its not what we have but what we do to help oneanother that really matters.
Like I say all the time no body wants illness or strife in their lives. My belief is that it has made me a better version of myself. Eyes and heart wide open.
Speak Victory in your life. God does not expect us to do Miracles but he does expect us to believe that he will.
In this life we need to learn one fundamental thing Patience. I before cancer seemed to have things going my way. I was young the path before me was clear and the future was full of anything that I chose before me. When cancer showed up and I hadsurvived beyond my given prognosis I began to get annoyed over the mobility issues that I was left with and began to fight myself, life and my circumstances. The road from long ago suddenly looking forward was not so easy to see. i was now on a road unfamiliar called fighting terminal cancer. not a sunny road for sure . it seemed rather bleak. I am always saying that we need to give our worries to God which I do, but inevatibly have taken it back from him. I think that I have finally turned that corner for real within the last to weeks. How and why?
Two weeks ago I began the live strong program for cancer survivors at the YMCA while simultaneously beginning physical therapy once again after winning my appeal. I have been exhausted recently not from the blues or the effects of cancer treatment but because my body is moving. I am slowly remembering what body movement and increased heart beat and sweat feel like. your alive in those moments. God resonating through your pounding heart. What a gift.
One of my youngest children was home when I returned from physical therapy yesterday and we were discussing her life, dreams and where she wants to be. I said, did you bring it to God? The reply was yah……. I said honey like I tell your brother and sisters acknowledge what you want and tell God through thankful prayer. He will bring the necessary change to your life situation in his time. I always caution the kids that God is not a magician. God can do all but only he knows what is best for us and where our true heart and desires lie surrounding our request. We sometimes don’t see whats in front of us due to emotion. I was raised with the saying that God gives you what you need , when it is right and when you will benefit from it the most. Sometimes the answers come after waiting a long time even while suffering a bit. This writing today is born out of my conversation with my daughter the other day. I don’t believe that God gave me this cancer but it came upon me nonetheless and God met me there on diagnosis day where I was at . He gave me peace and has gotten me to where I am today. The same is true of my daughter and everyone reading this. God will answer the questions that you ask and pray for. We need to remember to be patient and anticipate the change we desire with a thankful heart.
It it is so important to take God with you throughout your day. Remember that nothing is too much to handle . Ever !
In in closing to anyone who has suffered cancer and needs a reboot with people who can help you get back on your feet safely with the YMCA live strong program it is a great place to start. It is a 12 week program and is at no cost. Just get a doctors note.
Hi all, I will start this writing this way today. 🙂
This song is wonderful it means a whole lot to me . So many people beginning with my Wife Janet , children, family, mom/dad, siblings, doctors, nurses, friends and dear church members heck even many people that I do not know who prayed for my needs and those of my family stood by me .
This gentleman Joseph Leo Bwarie . He is a singer and proformer and is the cousin of one of my wife and I’s best friends. She had given this cd to us as a gift.
This morning I watched as my wife got up and left for work with her usual kiss good bye and i sat for a while and thought again how lucky I am to be able to just concentrate on my physical issues and with that I headed out to the livestrong program at the Y. I will tell you this it started 1 1/2 weeks ago and I am so happy that I am getting my body safely moving once again.
On my way there I put my cd player on and it was the next cd to come on. I felt such joy with the song stand by me as it played and the love for my wife, family and frankly for all of you who have supported us in any way rise in my heart 🙂
I love this type of music my grandparents, my band life at St. Agnes, my parents and many of my older clients back in the day listened to this. When cancer struck the richness of this music lifted me and brought me so much joy. When music is set to an orchestra the music sweeps you up. you feel hopeful. When the music is heavy it will eventually lighten and show the hope behind its story. Just like life.
So, here is the song, thank you to everyone. Much love and appreciation to all.
especially to my wife Janet xo
Here is an interview with Joseph Leo Bwarie.
Finally, here he is singing lead in Jersey boys. Joey is the lead
I came upon this recording of Paul Harvey from the 1960’s
I do not have things like this on my blog as a norm. However, this video seems to capture a whole lot of what has transpired over the years here in our country..
its worth a listen. see what you think . Pope Francis refered to intrinsic evil and the devil during his Papal visit last week.
like i say you decide.
I personally do not worry Gods got it , he had already won the war. Amen.
So, listen and you might be suprised at what you hear.
The devil comes to divide and destroy. He turns things upside down. Whats good is evil and whats evil is good.
And yes, I did this 5 years ago at my home when I was challenged with work stuff. God fixed that situation too. Then came cancer which is from the pit of hell as far as I am concerned. Sooo I gave that to God too. I am still here and I am very much at peace. I working on my physical weakness but know that he is well aware of that too.
The devil comes to destroy. He is around look at the news. !!!!
Kick his evil butt out. Proclaim Jesus and the change will be coming
This week and weekend have been very busy by my standard. I have been up and down and in and out. Having said that I have been pushing myself through the day. Today Saturday, I was up at the crack of dawn and was the first in line for the toxic waste drive in my hometown.
Yesterday/ Friday I went about putting chemicals, old cleaners and other items in a box and into my car. I worked by myself very carefully so as not to fall as I went through the shelves in my garage. I then noticed that a window blind had been knocked out of the window in my garage. Well, me being me it started to bug me as I worked so I did something either very brave or something very crazy. I pulled a step stool up to the window and decided to climb up on the step , I then began to try and figure out how to do it without falling. I finally just went for it and found myself on the step with the left foot trying to step as well. It was not an easy thing that’s for sure given my left side weakness. I fixed the blind and it made me feel good. Now, I needed to step down. I took my time and did so. I felt so good.
I placed the stool against the wall and saw a lamp that my son left to go to the trash he had broken it as he was moving out to his new home. i went to put it into the rubbish and realized the light bulbs were still in it. I thought geeze the garage door opener bulbs are gone, I will see if they work and put them in . They worked and then I said how can I put the bulbs in the opener is in the middle of the garage. I put the bulbs on the shelf until I could get help. I went about the garage cleaning and said I can fix that light. I moved my car into and off center in my garage. I then used the side of the vehicle to hold onto as I climbed up to get to one side of the opener. I stepped on the ladder after some serious planning. as I strained with my hand to reach the cover that protects the bulb. My left side began to fail. The tone problems kicked in from my working. I got the bulb in as I leaned on my car not to fall. I began to worry about how I was going to get down. My left side was in full rebellion.
I was thinking God , this is not good. In that moment I heard hey Dan do ya need a hand? I said oh Crosby right ? He smiled and said yes, he is my new neighbor. I don’t know how he saw me in my garage against the car but he did and I was so thankful for that. I said my wife would kill me if she knew I was doing this. He smiled. I said I am sick of all of the stuff that I cannot do. I told him what I was trying to do. He said can I help you with anything at first I said no. I hate bothering and relying on others. People are busy. Then, I said you know Crosby, would you mind changing the other bulb? He was glad to so I moved my car and he fixed it in a minute. I was so happy but also learned that I will never get onto a step stool or ladder again. Until I am healed anyway. 🙂 It was a foolish act, for sure.
Everytime I think that I conquer mind and emotion over matter, things of which I cannot control. I have proven time and time again to do stupid stuff.
For the record my brother has asked me time and again what I need and my response is I am fine.
Patience is a virtue that I need to conquer in order to be a happier and safer me.
Saturday was my wifes works outing. It was at Kimballs Farm in Westford. The weather was beautiful. I was exhausted from my output of labor in the garage on Friday so, my son pushed me every where which is not easy for him. I sat and looked at the beautiful surroundings, the smells , sights and sounds. I watched much older people with their children and grandchildren and thought I will never be that fun papa that can do the stuff and play with the kids. Grandparents were in the bumper boats and i felt deminished as I sat there.
As I have said I need to be honest about my journey. Hopefully to help another person who may find themselves in my situation.
Today, I again willed myself to church just standing up at the pew caused my voice to gently moan. I needed to be there because my Spirit was a bit battered.I am tired because I push myself to be relevant in some way to someone.
Guess what ? Fr.s Sermon was spot on today he spoke of Jesus and his heroic life of carrying his cross in order to bring us life and eternity through him. He explained that the easy road in life doing your own thing , being me centered leads to destruction of a soul and possibly eternity. My blog is about my life but not really about me it is a small attempt to help someone and to please God.
Fr Spoke that following Jesus and his teaching would be mocked just as he was. Guess whats it is happening daily now. I hear it all the time.
The road to Jesus is hard and narrow as is the gate that we enter trough to get to Heaven so I will follow that road and carry my cross. I need to except that he knows what I am dealing with and find solice in the fact that its going to be okay.
So, attending church for me was important as it always will be. I received the encouraging message that God had for me, I received the fellowship of my friends and family there and most importantly I received the precious body and blood of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.
Just Danny Speaks 