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Being Held/ Losing Something Sacred

29 Tuesday Jul 2014

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Through prayer today,and writing this and in continuance of my blog entry on my Lahey experience, I felt a true ebbing up in my soul of graditude for what God has done in my life, my families life in so many ways. Some of our experiences that we have had as family were sad, some very joyful, and some where both to the extremes emotionally. I have only shared this story of my son Brad Michael once before and never thought honestly that I would do it again, My wife and I lost our second child and second son just over 25 years ago.

So, I guess God wants me to depart from the cancer blog for a moment to perhaps connect with people who have lost a child. Each child is Sacred. I believe God wants me to let you know that we here can identify with your loss. My view of it is that it will never be okay for any parent to lose their child no matter what the age.. It goes against God’s plan and it is down right un natural.

In this blog entry I will try and witness what it meant to us in so many ways. It was truely life changing and changed our perception of everything.Life went gray for a long while. I hope and pray that as the words spill out onto this page that God and the Holy Spirit will heal you and perhaps will enlighten me more as to where I truely rest on this issue. There is a lot of pain to this day even writing about him and yet there is a piece of me that understands that he was meant in this life for us here at my home from a different purpose, one that we would would never had anticipated in a thousand years.

My wife and I were in our 20’s when our second son Brad came into the world. I don’t need at this point to detail the whole ordeal but will set up the framework.We found out at the 16 week ultasound that somthing did not look correct with his heart. We were sent directly across the street to Boston’s Children Hospital that very day. They looked and checked out their images and said that he looked like he may need a procedure after birth,a good percent chance that It was correctable remember this was 25 plus years ago now. Ultra sound had more shadows are were harder to read.

My wife started into labor that very day and had to be put on bed rest. Full bedrest, We had our first child that was around 2 at this point named Danny . I was working 6-7 days a week in my family business, my brothers and I were working some nights overnight at clients busineses doing work that could not be completed with their staff present.

With all of theses variables in play my parents did what they always did for their kids and they stepped up. My parents had recently had my last sibbling move out and marry.The 5 kids were gone, the house was nice and quiet freshly painted and papered. My dad had recently retired , and my mom was still working. My parents have always been the best, alway’s. My mom went to the Lord almost one year ago, and she was a living doll. 🙂

My parent s  simply said come here with us and will figure it out. No drama, My mom said, We can look after Janet and Danny so you can work. It was simple, they just did it. My brothers and i gathered dannys crib , changing table, and miscellaneous stuff we needed from the apartment. My parents livingroom became my wife and my bedroom, My son was upstairs in the guest bedroom with all of his wall art moved from our place to my parents home. There newly refinished walls has new holes with micky mouse and stuff hanging on them. It did not bother them.  They wanted DJ to feel safe and comfortable. My brothers and sister were there all the time with their kids taking DJ out to play so he could get his energy out. This went on for 6 months. My Mother and Father  and family were filling our needs and were being of service to us, Like Martha in the bible always humble servants. The salt of the earth.

Well delivery day came and it was scheduled,My wife was with a highrisk prenatal doctor. Dr. G Janet went into the or for a  C section. I was there as well.  There were probably about 6 doctors in the room beween my wifes Dr’s and Childrens Hospitals doctors. They were waitng on Brads delivery to evaluate him .

Well, the care that Brad would need was far more extensive that they had initially suspected.

He had single right ventricle with pulminary stinosis. It was a pretty rare diagnosis in this day. Surgery was  also considered experimental. I am sure today that their are even better protocols and treatments available. I think I will just say this on the account in the hospital. They were amazing, they had hearts of Gold. And we are thankful to this day that God selected them in that time to care for Brad and my family. There is nothing more than anyone could have done. Remember doctors are not God, they work throught the Gift that God gaved them to do what they can. The rest is up to God.

Brad Micheal lived 14 days. During that time we kept hearing all the time as God as my witness was…. There is somthing about him, he is so beautiful.  doctors, staff, and other, parents and people in the unit walking by would stop and say hello to us and stop to look at him. They were saying the exact same words. At one point I said to my wife I wish people would stop saying that! You see somehow inside my Spirit was preparing  me for something that I was not willing to accept yet. I knew that he was not meant to be here with us, I just felt it, my wife felt it too and it was rocking us to our core.

Well as I said 14 days after Brad came into this world he left peacefully surrounded by my wife, myself and the doctors. My wife was still recovering from the  C Section and was sitting there in a chair and she held Brad all the tubes where out etc . He looked like he was just sleeping, they had put his little out fit on, you see he had been doing well after surgery and took a sudden cardiac arrest. The nurse passed my wife Janet our son and she held him in a way that only a mom can. after a short while the nurse took Brad and passed him to me and I said no. My wife said Dan you really should , I reached out my arms and drew him to my chest and just exploded. I did not want to let go.  He was an angel!  I know he is with us all the time even in this moment supporting me.

You see Brad was a Miracle, what he did for my life and my wifes life was tp change who we were, and where we would go Spiritually. It changed each one of our children as well. My wife and I were   blessed with 3 beautiful daughters after Brad had passed. He has been a blessing, our angel.

Would we ever have  wanted this to happen to us or any other living person? Absolutely Not We are living in a imperfect world  since the fall of Eden. So, again God gives us victory through Jesus Christ and we have our beloved son Brad waiting for us to meet him again in Heaven someday.

I will say this, it took a while for my wife and myself to rebound. We were angry, we did not know how this could happened to us, why? Again looking through younger eyes at that time we had not seen or experienced such a painful roller coaster ride personally before. Plus, I felt bad for my grandmother that we were so closed to Nana ilene. ( Her husband , My papa has passed away a few years earlier. My nana was I think around 75 at the time of Brads passing and she was so upset, She kept saying why didn’t God take me and leave Brad here? I am old, She felt guilt. She was a beautiful person. She was a very faithful person very devoted to Jesus Christ and My Blessed Mother. She got permission to have our son Brad Michaels remains to be placed in her plot with my grandfather at the time, and my parents and she inscribed the back of the stone for us, they asked us at that time what we wanted written on the stone and out of my mouth flew these words,

Fourteen Day,s of life , a life time of joy.

My wife agreed right away.

Thats how God and the Holy Spirit work. They give us the positive and hopeful words. They are holding us and getting us through this thing called life. It is called profound love for us. After many years we could look at the words on his stone and appreciate the utter joy he has brought to us. My granmother also had a kneeling angel inscribed on the stone so beautiful. , Thanks nana. 🙂

We were upset about our son’s loss we were trying to cope,

My wife and I even started to miss church whatever! Yet we were still connected to God like I said back a few blogs ago even when we feel dead to the Spirit of God, we are not. God , his angels and the Holy Spirit are constantly ministering to us. Awake or asleep. We were talking to them all the time words of anger, bitterness and despair. Guess, what ? God takes that too. He know us and understands.

God understands the complexities and frailties of the human mind and understands mourning.Mourning is a process as individual as eachone of is. As long as God’s in it,  as he was for us. The darkness of the night and anguish will end and the stinger in our hearts  will be lessened. We  were teaching God a lesson and not going to church for a while,  so there! So, we were showing God!  But, we were stilled connected, like the vine is to the tree. I looked at my life and saw love everywhere, I felt in my heart, and felt it when I looked at my wife, son and family. Life was still beautiful. There was and always will be healing coming from God but that takes a while for us to understand.God is patient and will wait for us to get to the point that he can create a new creation in us, it is a healing.

So, In closing grieving any loss in your life is terrible just keep God in it. We celebrate Brad as an angel who helped our family to grow in a way that we would never have grown , We  would not be today the same people or family of Faith that we are  had it not been for our  miracle Brad Michael.

A few notes, my grandmother nana ilene passed away and went to the Lord within 3 months of Brads passing. We had a mass of the angels for him and burial in the family plot. My mom passed last Aug nearly a year ago. They are together waiting for our family in Heaven so that gives us so much comfort.

We had Brads organs donated to help other people that needed a miracle too.

I have to acknoledge in this writing the gift of friendship that came out of this experience. Brad brought together through the Holy Spirit a couple, their three children and their entire family in a way that only God can do. Look for all of the love and blessings in your life too. They are looking right at you.

Remember, when we are called by God, and we all will be called someday by name that there will be no more questions no more tears, and eternity with our Lord and our family  is so much longer than this life experience.

Sorry for any typo’s to wiped  out to look.

God Bless You All,

Danny

Natilie Grant  Held

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5d0YZ2b000

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5d0YZ2b000

Natalie Grant Held

To God Be The Glory , God Took Over

28 Monday Jul 2014

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To God goes the Glory! That is for sure.

Today I am going to share some down right Miracles witnessed my many people including my Surgeon Dr. D included at Lahey Clinic in Burlington back in 2012. I wrote of my Lahey experience back a week or so ago. I also said at that time that there were things that I could not devuldge at that time, again it is per what I feel God wants to speak of. He knows the why,I am accustomed to it now. God is always right. I feel peace from God and I know that today is the day to begin the account.

I will list the events and you will see God in them all.

Some of this stuff might be graphic to illustrate what the events were. So a little warning, I am not working from a script or draft of any kind, I am working through the Holy Spirit and he is live from heaven lol. I assure you he will get this account right, he was with me then and and he is responsible for my making it through this process and witnessing God to everyone. I personally take no credit for the following factual account. He is with us all and always has been.

For my brain biopsy procedure to get  the grading  of my cancer. which was  a grade four Gleo and it was non surgical. Meaning, it could not be removed.

1.) I was brought down to the pre surgical unit to have a surgical metal crown installed on to my skull, It was heavy and had two peices. I was backed in on my gurney into the small prep area. It had a wall behind me, a curtain that drew to either side of my bed and the corrider in front of me that was wide open. There were people in the other beds and parking spaces all around me sorry, I told you I have a dark sense of humor. So any way, I was cranked up to a sitting position. The doctor and assistant were behind me. There was a nurse standing at the foot of my bed to the right side watching me. She had a very almost sad look on her face probably because she knew what was to come. The doctor said okay Dan we need to get going sorry we can’t do anything for the pain I am sorry, The Holy Spirit was there and responded it’s okay,

Next, I felt the weight of piece number one of the crown being placed on my head and then the sound of the drill.  He said okay Dan and I felt the screws going into the back of my skull. I could be wrong but I believe there were four screws around the circumference of my head. I remember feeling the pain and what God and the holy Spirit did was amazing .I  said oh, I can feel it and next the pain was gone and out of my mouth came Oh, its okay I am fine praise you Jesus, thank you Mary. I am speaking of My Most Blessed Mother. As I said before their is one God and many different churches. I as a  Roman Catholic we do not worship Mary but we do venerate her and Honor her because she was chosen by God above all women  to be The Savior Jesus Christs Mother which happily makes The Blessed Mother my mom too .It gives me great comfort, and I pray the rosary and chaplet with her daily for you all too.

Each screw went in and the same thing happened I could feel it announce the pain and The Holy Spirit would announce the same, its okay now and begin Praise to God, and thanked The Blessed Mother for her assistance. The nurse looking at me was fighting tears back. She was actually backing away from me a little into the curtain behind her.

If you know me you know my voice does not require a microphone. What I did not realize at this time , but then again, why would I have? This  pre-op department was not just for brain surgical procedures alone the man laying directly across from me was witnessing the crowning and the praise and worship service directly.  He looked like he was frightened and yet mesmerized by what God was doing. There was a women beside mecurtain # 1 to my left, sorry again for my humor, who was saying to her staff whats happening to him they were trying to calm her. Apparently everyone in the unit was listening and heard it all .( I will explain later in detail )

The next thing after part 1 of the crown went on my head  they said Dan we are going to put the top of the crown on now. it screws into the bottom of the crown.The Spirit responded okay.Not one tear was ever shed.

Well I was crowned and the doctors said okay we are ready So, out of the bed space I went and as I was rolling out with the medical team the doctor said Sorry Dan the crown is heavy, we will try to help support it. The Holy Spirit announced through my mouth no problem, I have a strong neck. The Holy Spirit greeted everyone in that pre op ward. I rolled by  like it was in a parade and Blessings were coming out of my mouth through the Holy Spirit The people were all in shock seeing me smiling they looked like they had seen something out of this world and guess what ? They did! Not  because of who I am but because of Who God is. The evil of cancer picked on  me, and God decided to show everyone that he is here with us all. I will say this yet again, This is to me the time of miracles for all of us.

My miracle is not again about me. God loves us all and as far as to why I am here and why God has  not taken me yet, I feel honestly that perhaps he has granted me extra time to get myself ready to meet him. Perhaps it will be tommorrow or 30 years from now. I do not know and who does ? What I do know is he loves us more deeply than we could ever understand.

Into the hallway we went on our way to MRI. You see the crown that was placed on my head is necessary so they can do an MRI on my brain to map how to go into my skull to get a biopsy sample from the brain tumor. The Holy Spirit even gave a God Bless You greeting as they rolled me down the hall. There was a staff electrician changing light bulbs in that hall that stepped asside so we could pass. He looked shocked as I greeted him. We got to the MRI suite and the staff went in to give the information to the staff inside the unit that two minute window where my wife and I were waiting in the hallway my cell phone went off, my wife had it with her, I nonshalontly said to her who is it? She said its mom, (my mother) I said, I’ll  take it, I will never forget the conversation , Hi mom , how are you she said good darlin , My mom said I just thought I would check into see how your day was going.  I said good mom, I am just on my way into the store to get a few things it was getting late in the day, so she bought it. She said okay honey, I let you go, she told me she loved me and I responded the same to her and we hung up. What was really something is that while I was talking to my mom the MRI staff had come out and was waiting to bring me in for the test and heard everything that came from my mouth and their hearts were on fire. You see, God shows courage, kindness and love all the time the Holy Spirit was giving me the grace necessary to do Gods will to help others in a very special way.  The Holy Spirit was in control with God. You see my parents were not told a word about me until we were certain of what was going on. My mom when she realized later on that I was actually in the hospital at the time of her call to me cried and said that she did understand why I did it, but  please never do it again.

So, the staff took me in and transferred me from the gurney to the MRI bed and the test was done, my brain was mapped. They were all thanked and Blessed as I left by the Holy Spirit, (sounds crazy huh ). But it is true.

next

They took me directly down to the surgical suite, I gave my wife a kiss and one of my children had come to be with my wife, everything was happening at lightening speed.

I got into the OR  there was Dr. D and another surgical associate standing with him above the head of my table. There was an anesthesiologist at the foot of the bed. It was explained to me again, sorry Dan this is called the awake surgery, we need you to be awake so you that you can respond to our voice commands. Because damage can happen to your brain we need to know if our probe is damaging the brain or something to that effect. We cannot for that reason give anesthesia for this reason for this surgury. I remember the Holy Spirit was in control and I was very calm. He responded to them okay. The Holy Spirit went on to say to the doctors and all the medical staff, thankyou, for helping me, God chose them in this time to help me. The anesthesiologist was looking at my face and I could see that she could sence something not of this world taking place and was filled with joy, and perhaps a little fear only God knows. She broke in and said don’t worry Dan, when the doctors complete the biopsy, I can give you some  meds like they use when you have a colonoscopy they are like twilight drugs that help you forget some of what you went through. okay, I said that sounds good thankyou. The next thing that happened was they put a mask over my face/ visor it was clear like a window.

The doctor D then said Dan, we are going to be cutting into your skull a spot that is what you will hear and feel okay, again I was calm they were monitoring my heart and everything stayed on an even keel. They took a small piece of black fabric and covered my clear visor, obviously they were going to making small hole into my skull and they did not want to get my viser dirty which potentially could upset me.The little saw or drill started and they again kept talking to me softly to soothe me, they were all wonderful. God had put me into such a deep peaceful state.The doctor said I am sorry Dan I am now going down behind your eye it is going to hurt, I felt that pain for sure. The Holy Spirit took over he announced  it okay the pain is gone and out came the Holy Spirit just like in the pre -op department saying  Praise you Jesus, Praise you Jesus , thankyou my Blessed Mother and so on , the doctor said okay Dan please move your fingers, and a couple of other commands.  I said okay, made the rquested movements and he said good. At that point I laid there with no drugs, no pain and I was doing Praise and worship and thanking them all for helping me. I could not see the doctors faces the whole time but I did see the face of the anesthesiologist she was beautiful and extremely moved by what God was showing her and God only knows what the doctors faces were doing behind me. She could see them. In those units they can talk a language with their eyes without uttering one word .

So anyways, I was laying there the doctors were putting in stitches to close the wound. I am laying their with the black cloth on my face mask and I could look down on an angle and make out the person still at my feet.  Out of my mouth I swear to God,  I said  Luke, I am not your Father from  the Starwars movie, thats what I felt like with my black mask on Dark Vader. Everyone began to laugh and the anesthesiologist had tears in her eyes. She reached forward, and removed the fabric and my visor was then clear once again. A few minutes later she announced that they would not bother to give me the twilight medicine because it was possibility that it may make me feel lousy or tired. I had done so well and they did not want to do that to me. i said okay, I felt great.

When the surgery was over,stitches etc the Dr. D came over to me and said, incredible Dan in 30 years I have never had a patient not cry, and behave in this manner during this surgery. I said it was God not me, again it is my feeling that that God was useing my illness not just to mend me but to show others he is here. With God anything is possible. He is shaking people up and I am just so fortunate to be as I have called it a passenger on the bus where God and The Holy Spirit are allowing  me to witness things in a much different way than I normally would have been able to .Why God is allowing me to witness and experience this is only for him to know. It is not because I am any different than all of  you my brothers and sisters out there.

I will continue this soon,

With Love and prayers.

Danny

When you feel alone, even when you are in a crowd.

27 Sunday Jul 2014

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I was thinking over the last few days about all of the worry and thoughts that race through our minds. Have you ever been sitting there relaxing in a chair peacefully and then a thought or worry comes from left field you literally have to get up and walk it off. It used to happen to me me from time to time a couple of years ago. I was also able to happen to me while being in the midst of a gethering of some sort.  For me, it was usually based in business and family related issues.  It all stems from scheduling issues and trying to juggle work schedule with my wife and kids. On top of that my wife and I were helping with the care of her mom and dad. So, things were so busy. I could be in a chair one moment relaxing and a troubling thought or worry based emotion would throw me off the chair like a top. I would some times get out of the chair and try to walk it off. You also cannot run from your mind as I came to learn. These events would essentially make my brain freeze like an overload.( I know we all have them) I needed to get a grip on what was going on!  I think doing too much sometimes makes us feel good and successful. But in hein sight If back in that day I had been more rooted in God and was not trying to be all to everybody and save everbody that it would have been a healthier thing for myself and others. We need to trust in God. If, we are doing things from the heart then God is in it with us. But, we need to know his word, the bible before we can be successful. I was in so much personal pain and nobody really knew what was going on inside of me .Remember I was the face of an A personality. Everything was fine outwardly but inside I was burning out, I was mastering my ship onto the rocks. My drug of choice was food. it became my personal joke. The first one at the buffet table I would laugh but it really was not funny to me, it was shame with a laugh attached to it.

During my healing with this cancer illness and combined with writings I had done for my church. A  calling that I received from God  to sound a horn of a warning to the church and later an email chain from God to his people to turn back to him they were called love letters from God. It was also back at that time that I  began to be enlightened through the Spirit and learned more about who I am the good and the bad aspects.  I have to share it all in this blog as I said before this is my chance to tell God’s story of victory not just for me but for eachone of us personally. Some of the stuff that will come out with blog  is just so fantastic and  it is what it is, the glory of God.You see prior to 2012 and the onset of this illness I was under the wrong understanding of what helping others is all about. I did not realize what I was doing at the time but it was hurtful to myself, my family and yes even to those I thought I was helping.

I  came to realize after many years and once I began to write in the Holy Spirit that I cannot save anyone including myself. Jesus saves us. We are called to be Jesus to oneanother. We need to pray for eachother, support etc, but we also have to give everyone the diginity of their own decisions. We can show a way if asked to help someone  but cannot always drive them there. It is their free will choice. God knows where they are truely at, far better than we do.

God speaks of helping in one of his parables that you can show a man how to fish, but we are not required to feed them forever, meaning that he does want us to help and support them  but we cannot carry them forever. If they are not handicapped and are capable of course. They will never learn to find who they are in God for themselves. God gives everyone very special gifts of their own. Their is so much diginty that a person derives in taking on their destiny and seeing what God has in store for them! While I was playing God with these people they were carried and did not learn, I was handicapping them with love and assistance. It was when I hit the wall, and realized I could not do anymore that they were forced to get up and get on and find their way. My mom and dad would simply say to me you are doing too much! And, it was true, I was.  My wife was trying to stop me but again, me being me I had to learn for myself, I  needed to learn and  be humbled. What I did was done out of love but it was not done with the right understanding of God’s teaching. It also depleated me , exhausted my wife and made life messy.

My wife and I recently had the pleasure of having lunch with  very dear friends, our friend said that she kind of had to retreat from everyone but her family and husband. She was spent at the moment and needed to recharge. She too is a doer, and really tries to help out everyone. They have hearts of gold. So, God Bless them.

I had so many people as I said before in another writing say that I needed to tell this story.  Someone I was talking to a few months ago said Dan it can be a taxing process. So becareful you do not give too much of yourself up in the process. Hearing my friends the other day tell me of their need to slow it down, I understand it and see that what I have to share is my responcibility to help others but they are in fact work. I believe that is what God has ordained for me in this moment so if they do not come everyday they will come in God’s time, for God’s glory.

Well, back to the point 🙂

Like the old saying goes in every life some rain must fall. Today it is pouring out and I woke up happy to see it. Rain cleans and washes the enviornment and gives our plants grass trees and watershed water that is needed to keep things in balance.

I, like all of you need to be replenished by the rain in our lives, Just as Jesus was baptised in the river Jordan by John the Babtist . I too was babtised as a child in my parish at that time of St. Agnes in Arlington. We are one with Jesus.

About 10 or 12 years ago, I attended a meeting of the St Frances DeSalles Society at one of our friends homes. One of the teachings was to everyday when we shower to consider the water  to be a reminder of our baptism. I rededicate myself during that time to God and the HolySpirit everday in prayer that I say yes to do their will to the best of my ability.

With brotherly love,

Danny

Healing Rain

Michael W. Smith

 

 

 

 

Saying yes.

26 Saturday Jul 2014

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Hi all, As I have come to age myself and  I am owning the fact that there is a God who is watching over me all the time,  has allowed me to grow in so many ways. The God of Wonders program the otherday spoke about how God stretches out the universe and it gets larger and gains yet more energy. My personal thought is that has happened to me in many facets of my life… I am sure in your too.

I was 100% physically able until age 50, at that point along came cancer and it was like aneclear bomb set to explode. But, it does not have to be. God can calm the seas of our minds, bodies and Spirit if we bring everything to him. We will gather a sense of knowledge about the situation. I guess we could call it an exceptance that it has happened and we need to focus on Victory through God. Cancer wages the war but God fights it for us. Thats my opinion.

But, I can also say that at times I can sit here in silence thinking about what life  was and what it  is today. I somethimes think I wish I could go back in time to be normal. The bottom line is no, I would not go back because with the physical limitations that I do have have given me a whole new perspective on me,life and what true success is. To be perfectly honest if danny 2014 went back to danny 2012 we would not get along. lol

I have heard people say things to me like,

People who cling to their faith are weak they need someting or somebody to tell them what to do.

Well my answer is pretty simple on that.  No one is controlling me, God gave me free will so If I choose to seek God’s guidance and rely on his Angels and Saints to chart my course so that I do not  toil over every little thing in my life knowing he’s got me no matter what, Then ,I ask you, whats so wrong with that ? I kinda think thats smart. I consider myself blessed to have my God, Blessed Mother, angels and Saints as my brother b would saying pulling for us! lol  Like my mom used to say, Knowing what you stand for, limits what you fall for.

We are all masters of our very own ships thanks to free Will, I choose guidance from God and Heaven to make safe passage to the next shore, I do not want to end up on the rocks.

Well, yesterday my wife , my son, and myself headed off for a few hours to the NH seacost and the beach. My son got one of the huge wheeled rolling chairs from the medical station and you can easily be pushed right through the sand.It was pretty comfortable too. I sat in it for around 3 hours, sunscreen, huge umbrella, snacks that my wife packed and water too. 🙂 life was sweet !

It was  beautiful weather. I sat remembering all of the many trips we took when our children were small here to this beach plus my personal memories of vacations here as a child year after year with my parents siblings, grandparents aunts,uncles and cousins. it brings back beautiful memories and a little bit of longing for those that are not here with me physically anymore.I personally believe that when are hearts feel that tenderness that they are Spiritually connected to us and are watching over us and praying for us as well. Love does not die, Jesus took care of that.

Well, from there my mind wandered and this thought came to me, agh , I can’t beleive this is my life. Negavity was making a go at me and you know where that is from.

The pitty party went on silently in my mind for a few minutes, and I raised my eyes to the sky took a deap breathe and said thank you God, for my life my beautiful wife and my children for all of my blessings and it was now time to get the wheel back before we were late to the medical office.

My wife and son packed things up and away we rolled off the sand and up on the concrete boulevard. I got onto my feet with my the assistance of my cane. My wife went to get the car and said stay here it is too far for you to walk. I was willing to try she said I will be right back. I like when she puts me in place like I am a kid. I makes me laugh . She calls me a brat.! lol

So anyways,I was standing on the corner of the side walk with my son and all the junk that I needed.:) I would say that  we were there maybe for about 5 minutes and suddenly this women from Denmark approached me and  said hello we are a orginization that originated in Demark we pray to the Saints and Jesus heals through our ministry work. She said our chapter is out of Canada.

I responded I know Jesus , He is my Lord and Savior. and smiled.

She then asked me what was my ailment was?  Eyeryone assumes a stroke, I just said brain cancer, well she asked permission to pray I said that would be great, so she began to pray with me. There were other 2 men from the ministry that were there too.They  began laying hands on my back , shoulders and head. There were a lot of regular beach goers people everywhere just looking and I was praising Jesus. They were wonderful, and brave. It is not easy walking up to someone you do not know to  offer to pray with and for them. That takes courage.  You never know what may be facing you.

So again, Yes, I had blue moments in the silence of my mind and heart while sitting on the beach and less than 1/2 later while waiting on the corner God showed up and offered me healing through those awesome people. My wife came around the corner and saw the crowd and said now what did you do ? Another Miracle , we were all laughing it turned my day around. 🙂

God Bless You!

 

Group 1Crew  He Said

 

Group 1 Crew . Forsaken

 

It’s hard when your young.

25 Friday Jul 2014

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Hi this post is for those who are particularly young and are following my daily post. I posted todays blog, God of wonders. I then sat back in my reclined and listened and watched it once again. I wanted to be in the moment with what I had just posted. I had very deep thoughts while listening and when the video was over got up and let my dogs Jessica and jerrimiah out. I walked outside on my deck and stood there for a few minutes taking in the sights, sounds and the beauty of the day. And up cropped a sorrow in my heart , I thought of all the young kids that are searching for God, the truth and what it means to you. Just remember its okay and God meets us all where we are at and their is not one  life problem that is too big  that God to handle. He is with you alway’s.

I just wanted to say that I know what is going on out there with the culture, tv,news, what it is being  tought and how hard it is for you all to see and absorb.. I know parents who’s children want to go to church and the parents are aware and tell me  they are lost in their day and it does not happen. What I will say to you young ones is number one , I am not a priest, I am not a deacon, I am a human being just like you , and you count! I have 4 kids, and their friends are like my kids too. I have a very noisy house LOL. I will try and select things that may help you make your way to your faith. Remember, you guys as children  may be able to open your parents up to the concept of their faith as well. Thats why God created families to love and take care of oneanother. Parents are so busy, working tending to your needs, bills, shopping, sports etc. Sometimes we as parents me included have difficulty carving out time for church and for themselves. So, maybe you can share this blog so they can too see my blog too. It is always important to share internet stuff with your parents.:)

Thats it, God Bless You,

Danny

 

This is especially for you guy’s

Aaron Shust  My Savior

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dana Farber Part two

24 Thursday Jul 2014

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That day of my ekg, lunch etc, Just as Dr. R had said his head nurse S, showerd up with pills at my next scheduled squeezed in appointment. She was around every corner. She is spectacular. I never had 1 concern, all day. I met with I believe my new  radiologist oncologist at Brigham and womens. Dr A , I called him the great!  He is  a young, compitent , kind and awesome doctor  with another superb team of of assistants. from his head nurse S and her assistant , R they treated every patient the same, amazingly.

I would be remis if I did not mention the lovely social worker. N who has been there since day 1 for us. Very Sweet and soft spoken but always professional and helpful.

I had to go in after my consult for either a scan or an MRI , I cannot remember which but they needed to map my brain so they could target the best way to eradicate the tumor with radiation.

The radiology staff  there where great. They have a lot to deal with daily and are responsible for making sure that every patient was comfortable and that their bodies were positioned just perfectly so that the equipment could target the desired location with radiation therapy and nothing more.  They try to only hit the target and not to kill any more healty cells. Quite a responsibility.

Next I went in and My Dr. A had a plaster mold mask made of my  face and head, a mold I guess you could call it. It was made of a plaster.Once the Drs decided the attack plan they mapped and programmed my treatment into their computers. I was ready to begin my radiation therapy on the tumor that I never accepted as mine thanks to Gods word. I had six weeks of radiations 5 days a week monday to friday.

I had it easy in my eye’s compared to my wife and family who took the brunt of the wear and tear, juggling schedules, work etc. Some driving miles to pick me up only to turn around and take me back in the other direction into Boston.  And then once again have to  drive me home from treatment. I would like to say again from the depths of my heart thank you for your sacrafice and constant love. You make life worth living. xo Many friends also offered to help me with rides etc. God in action for sure. Love to you all too.:)

My phantom mask, thats what I came to call  it ( again my sense of humor) , the plaster mask was now a strong perferated plastic mask that fit my face, skull and had snap locks that locked my entire head 100% in the exact position to the treatment bed so there were no slight movements possible.  BTW, I asked for that mask when I finished radiation, they said sure. I said I am a decorator so I will hang it on my wall. they laughed. It currently sit a plastic bag in my garage.

have learned in life that we have a laugh as much as possible. There is healing in laughter God created such a beautiful creation in us. Laughter, is truely a healthy thing it makes gray colorful. so I laugh all the time and try not to ever stop, sometimes it gets me in trouble and I have to hit the confessional. I remember as a kid reading Erma Bombeck she cracked me up. Remember If life is a bowl of cherries , why do I get all the pitts?

Radiation did not bother me physically for a while. And then, my left side arm and leg decided I am taking a break, see ya and I lost most movement and feeling. I also became very very tired Dr. R said I would and I did. On July 4th 2012, I went into the bathroom  while I was at my brother S  at his cookout. I dropped dropped something on the floor. I went to swat a little to get it off of the floor and realized as soon as I did this that it was a mistake. My image disappeared from the mirror as I took position on the floor quietly. Again, I am stubborn so I just laid there saying hum how do I fix this pickle I got myself into?lol  My brother realized that I was missing and came to the bathroom and inquired through the door, I responded I am fine, I am just here trying to get up. he came in and Still says he does know how he got me up by himself.As a closing remark, I has a chance to study the tile and decor and found it very beautiful . lol

 

I truely feel Blessed because I have the peace from God, my incredible wife, kids, family and so many wonderful friends love and support. Everyone rushing to our sides and everyone has lifted us up. The Spirit was and is so still so high. Life is hard at times but it is our families our faith and friends that get us through.

One  day in I guess it was maybe Sept ,2012  my family told me that they were going to gather here together at my home , something not uncommon for our family. You know, food, family it has alway’s worked for us.lol  My mom, dad, wife, kids, 3 brothers and my dear sister and all of those kids my brothers mother in law M where all here.  There were I guess around 20 people in the house. I was in my recliner, very tired but my Spirit was full of peace, my whole family was here! It was so nice.All of a sudden someone came down the hall behind me and was a dear friend and brother in Christ, A and he hugged me and kissed my cheak. He pulled up my desk chair and started to speak to me , what a surprise! i had not seen A for a while. I said to him what are you doing here and he said that he heard that I was not feeling well. He stated that  he was In the area and wanted to say hello. He gave me a Blessing and left. My brothers were sitting on the couch here in my familyroom  with my dad and one of my brothers said who was that?  And I told them. They were astonished by his presence he is a very good and Holy man. The Spirit of God just shines. God Bless A and his family.There were so many prayers being said for our needs that I swear to God you could feel them raining down on us. I still feel them to this very day. Our prayers for one another are the most powerful gifts that we have to give to help anyone.

So, A left and I was happy for the visit and prayer and blessing he gave me. A short while went by and My brother S had gotten up to leave the room and returned, he said Dan can you come in here. I was like ugh, I had no strength, and needed assistance to get down the hall. I went down the hall and turned the corner to the front hall. I could not figure out why I was being led there. What happened next is a Miracle no doubt!

My brother opened my front door, and what I saw was a little piece of  Heaven! Friends who are gifts from God had quietly converged on my quiet street on the side walk and lawn. They had candles on my front steps with the exception of the  top two.Their had to be at least 40 beautiful souls out there. They were holding candles in their hands.One of my brothers helped me out and led onto the the top landing and I sat against the left rail, They wrapped a blanket around me. Then Praise and Worship began, prayers songs, people were driving by and stopping, some people peered from their windows, and then one of our beautiful friends son came out from behind my pine tree and played amazing grace on his bag pipes. It was just so incredible. I remember, God gave me the message and I tearfully passed it on. ( joy was overflowing)   I said tonight is not about me. Thank you. God is healing so many of us right now and in what ever way we need to be healed.  I think my whole neighborhood was Blessed in that evening. God Bless all of our friends and of my home parish of St. Josephs and 2nd parish home in and retreat center of St Basils in Methuen.

My love to you all and  with God’s Blessings.

So anyway, ( I told you I am not an expert writer, back to the point! 🙂

I went to treatment for radiology of my tumor which was sitting over my central nervous system.I was losing ability rapidly which would explain why when I told Dr. R that I would come back next week,  it  would not have been a good choice on my part. The Doctor understood the whole picture, the process and short window for action, so thank God they pushed with love and concern If they had not, I mayu not be here in this moment.

I will give you the list of meds I was on as well. In the not too distant future so people especially who are going through anything similar will know what was used in my treatment. People ask me that question a whole lot. I know every treatment plan is different and there are always new trial med coming out . So the news is great for everyone! There is lots and lots of Hope!

Celtic Women. You Raise Me Up.

God Bless You, Your in my prayers alway’s,

Danny

 

 

From Lahey Clinic to Dana Farber part 1

22 Tuesday Jul 2014

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Off we went to Dana Farber for our second consult and my new and current Dr. Dr. R. When we arrived it was via wheel chair for me, we were brought into the exam room. Again, we felt nothing but warmth and compassion from everyone. There were a number of medical /clinical coats in the room standing against the wall, my wife, one of my brothers and my sister were present too. I had been helped up on top of the exam table and was sitting upright on the edge of the table my legs dangling down.( It is funny how life makes us at times feel like a little kid).

Dr. R knelt in front of me on one knee and put his hand on my knee and said we have looked at the reports and biopsy information from Lahey and said we agree with the diagnosis. Glio Blastoma multiforme grade 4, it is non surgical. What I realized as I look down into my doctors eyes from my table edge was that he was a truely compassionate and loving man. He did not make me look up while he was talking to me, he took a position kneeling so he could meet me where I was. I remember the peace of God as still just flowing over me and I announced to all of the staff there that God had told me that I had the cancer, cancer was not of God and that I did not own this cancer, I went on to say that God selected them in this time to help me through God’s medicine, God’s machines, and their hands with are the extension of Jesus Christ. we are all Spirit driven and we need to remember where  the Holy Spirit  is from. God! 🙂

I told them about my spontaneous healing in Dec, 2010 that was discussed with my primary care doctor in January 2011 during a physical. He has confirmed the event to be true. This experience that I am going to begin to share is going to be a bit long and I am finding now in this moment will truely be an excercise emotionally but I will continue in a number of writings because what has happened during this time sounds impossible and is astounding but it is also very true. Witnesses were everywhere during this time and nothing will ever be the same . God is revealing his presence in a very strong way with good reason. He wants a personal relationship with us.

So any way, My Dr R was kneeling down on one knee to comfort me, I announced the message God gave me and tears filled his eyes, I was so tired, I just wanted to go home. not upset like one would imagine I had no energy and just wanted to sleep. The team raced out of the room, and two seconds a women that I will refer to as My scottish friend came in as cool as a cuccumber and said Ok Danny the doctor wants me to get an ekg of your heart. I had been insisting on getting into my wheel chair. She gently laid me back onto the table my legs still dangling off of the table and off came the shirt, and on went the electrodes. She started the eeg and when finished helped me with my shirt. And off she went.  My family was  there all the while in that room with me. Its like the bible I always have witness or as I call the Riley clan with me lol  My scottish friend was rolling out of the room, I was being assisted into my wheel chair by my brother and my wife and Dr R’s head nurse S, came into the door closed it and stood with her back against it and said, We need you to stay, we have made calls and want to get more tests done while you are here. I said no, I said I am too tired and I do not have my afternoon medication, she tried to convince me and my family tried to get me to sway, I said thanks I will come back next week. She said okay and sprinted out of the room, I said c’mon lets go. We left the exam room, I sware to God I was leaning left in the chair, so weak. When all of a sudden I heard something and Dr. R was coming down the hall full seam ahead. I saw him look at my family and went to his knees once again, he put his hand on my left arm and said please Dan we want you to stay, I went through the whole I will come back next week thing , I don’t have my meds, my family had to go to work they have not eaten, I was tired. My family asserted once again that it was okay that they would call in to work. Dr R. said we have made all of the arrangements necessary and our radiologist at brigham and womens was staying as late as he had to accomodate me. He said we have all the medications you need in our unit we have meds for occasions like this he said okay:) Then he said why don’t you get a bite to eat and S, meaning his head nurse will see you in a while. I said okay and he patted my arm and smiled. It was yet another Miracle. There are mericales  like this happening daily in our hospitals and doctors offices, we are a Blessed country. and at times fail  to see them for what they are. God’s people are loving,compassionate and giving.

BTW, my ekg came back with a strange rythmn like there were two heart beats and that is because as my test was being done, and it was a stall tactic, my sister who was so devestated was holding my hand thus two heart beats . Just beauitful !

I am exhausted and need to stop for the moment. I will continue to write from this point tomorrow.

God Bless you, and thank you God for everything that give us all. Amen.

Chris Tomlin Thank you God for saving me