This week and weekend have been very busy by my standard. I have been up and down and in and out. Having said that I have been pushing myself through the day. Today Saturday, I was up at the crack of dawn and was the first in line for the toxic waste drive in my hometown.

Yesterday/ Friday I went about putting chemicals, old cleaners and other items in a box and into my car. I worked by myself very carefully so as not to fall as I went through the shelves in my garage. I then noticed that a window blind had been knocked out of the window in my garage. Well,  me being me it started to bug me as I worked so I did something either very brave or something very crazy. I pulled a step stool up to the window and decided to climb up on the step , I then began to try and figure out how to do it without falling. I finally just went for it and found myself on the step with the left foot trying to step as well. It was not an easy thing that’s for sure given my left side weakness. I fixed the blind and it made me feel good. Now, I needed to step down. I took my time and did so. I felt so good.

I placed the stool against the wall and saw a lamp that my son left to go to the trash he had broken it as he was moving out to his new home. i went to put it into the rubbish and realized the light bulbs were still in it. I  thought geeze the garage door opener bulbs are gone,  I will see if they work and put them in . They worked and then I said how can I put the bulbs in the opener is in the middle of the garage. I put the bulbs on the shelf until I could get help. I went about the garage cleaning and said I can fix that light. I moved my car into and off center in my garage. I then used the side of the vehicle to hold onto as I climbed up to get to one side of the opener. I stepped on the ladder after some serious planning. as I strained with my hand to reach the cover that protects the bulb. My left side began to fail. The tone problems kicked in from my working. I got the bulb in as I leaned on my car not to fall. I began to worry about how I was going to get down. My left side was in full rebellion.

I was thinking God , this is not good. In that moment I heard hey Dan do ya need a hand? I said oh Crosby right ? He smiled and said yes, he is my new neighbor. I don’t know how he saw me in my garage against the car but he did and I was so thankful for that. I said my wife would kill me if she knew I was doing this. He smiled. I said I am sick of all of the stuff that I cannot do. I told him what I was trying to do. He said can I help you with anything at first I said no. I hate bothering and relying on others. People are busy. Then, I said you know Crosby, would you mind changing the other bulb? He was glad to so I moved my car and he fixed it in a minute. I was so happy but also learned that I will never get onto a step stool or ladder again.  Until I am healed anyway. 🙂 It was a foolish act, for sure.

Everytime I think that I conquer mind and emotion over matter, things of which I cannot control. I have proven time and time again to do stupid stuff.

For the record my brother has asked me time and again what I need and my response is I am fine.

Patience is a virtue that I need to conquer in order to be a happier and safer me.

Saturday was my wifes works outing. It was at Kimballs Farm in Westford. The weather was beautiful. I was exhausted from my output of labor in the garage on Friday so, my son pushed me every where which is not easy for him. I sat and looked at the beautiful surroundings, the smells , sights and sounds. I watched much older people with their children and grandchildren and thought I will never be that fun papa that can do the stuff and play with the kids. Grandparents were in the bumper boats and i felt deminished as I sat there.

As I have said I need to be honest about my journey. Hopefully to help another person who may find themselves in my situation.

Today, I again willed myself to church just standing up at the pew caused my voice to gently moan. I needed to be there because my Spirit was a bit battered.I am tired because I push myself to be relevant in some way to someone.

Guess what ? Fr.s Sermon was spot on today he spoke of Jesus and his heroic life of carrying his cross in order to bring us life and eternity through him. He explained that the easy road in life doing your own thing , being me centered leads to destruction of a soul and possibly eternity.  My blog is about my life but not really about me it is a small attempt to help someone and to please God.

Fr Spoke that following Jesus and his teaching would be mocked just as he was. Guess whats it is happening daily now. I hear it all the time.

The road to Jesus is hard and narrow as is the gate that we enter trough to get to Heaven so I will follow that road and carry my cross. I need to except that he knows what I am dealing with and find solice in the fact that its going to be okay.

So, attending church for me was important as it always will be. I received the encouraging message that God had for me, I received the fellowship of my friends and family there and most importantly I received the precious body and blood of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

God Bless You All.

Danny