Hi all I spoke to a friend Jenn who is also being treated for Glio brain cancer yesterday. I met Jenn some time ago while witnessing my story in my church.
Jenn and I have stayed in contact with each other. Jenn has twin daughters who are around nine years old.
Our conversation yesterday was so beautiful she had been in Dana Farber last Tuesday and I had been there last Wdnesday so we compared notes. She was excited to tell me that her tumor had shrunk a little more once again, 🙂 Amen!
The doctors also cleared her to take her two children with her husband to Disney so they made last minute plans and are leaving tomorrow.
I just told her how happy I was for them all and to go and have fun.
Jenn was a bit nervous though because of her side effects from the treatment. I understood them and told her how I have over come those very issues.
So, Please pray for our friends Jenn, Craig and their two beautiful girls. May they have a beautiful,healthy trip and may their hearts be full of joy as they experience Disney through the eyes of their children. Amen.
Have fun Jenn God Bless You Honey ! 🙂 You are an inspiration. !
That’s right! No kidding. Here’s the detail on my Dana visit this past Wednesday.
I hit the hay Tuesday evening at a little after 9. I had showered, set my cell phone alarm, laid my clothing out in my bath and was ready for my 4:15 alarm. I got a call from my brother about our friend Donnas death and told my wife . I stayed in bed and did some tearful prayers, I know where Donna is but I will miss her she was a brick in my foundation too.
I slept okay but I would wake up and pray for her and thank God for having had her in my life.
So , I was awake before my cell alarm went off. I got up quietly so I would not wake my wife and got dressed etc. I headed through the bedroom and my wife was awake so we said our goodbyes:) I went downstairs it was now around 4:40 I got a sip of water, double checked for my keys, Dana card, coat and glasses. I grabbed the cane and down I went to the garage it was now 4:43 dang! Time flies!
I got into My car and off I went my first time to Danah Farber by myself! I arrived at the hospital in my garage space at 5:18 a.m. I could not believe how fast and effortless it was to get there. The hospital was not open yet so I had a chance to sit quietly and reflect.
Yes, I missed my wife and or my family members that were normally with me but, I knew that it was time to just do it. My wife would normally come with me which required her to miss work time that needed to be made up because of the nature of her work plus she remain the sole income of our home.
So, I decided that my wife and family deserved to be freed from this responsibility. The guards there are so nice too. One saw me sitting in my car and waved me into the lobby. So, I got out of my car and began to walk with my cane and the left leg began to stiffen so I took a deep breath and said , I am fine and help me LORD I looked up and the guard was holding the door for me , I smiled and said thanks my mind is fighting with my body. ( fear) still lingering a bit from the track incident. i just smiled.
Well, I stuck it out and went about the building, blood draw,MRI brain scan and then went across the hospitals to see my doctor. I concentrated my attention on people around me and prayer in order not to be frozen by fear of my leg seizing up. . Every time my leg froze I said c’mon and pushed on just knowing that it is a brain thing not a serious threat.
The doctors head assistant S came into the exam room and started off my visit and she is awesome. Picture a sweet angel, thats her 🙂 I answered all of her questions and discussed related matters. She hugged me and went to get my Dr. A few minutes later Dr. R Came into the room and said hello. He introduced me to a Dr. From China who was visiting and is an expert with GLIO brain cancer . HE wanted to see how I was presenting and look at my case info. I just said I am doing well because of God his medicines, machines and their hands through Jesus. With that my doctor said can you believe it Dan you have been out of treatment for 2 years. He smiled and said unbelievable. I raised my cane towards the ceiling and said GOD. 🙂
With that I said thank you to the nice Chinese Dr. He went to shake my hand and I said no I am a hugger and gave him a big hug with a God bless You. 🙂
Next, I dove for Dr R and he was standing there with a big smile on his face I hugged him and said thank you, God Bless You and I said I love you. We left the room and as I walked down the hall I thought to myself what a beautiful God moment. I do not know the custom of the Chinese but I knew the graditude that I felt for these wonderful men. God is love and they work everyday to bring his love to their patients Amen.
My scan was as clear as a bell. It’s a straight out Miracle Praise GOD.!!
The phone rang on Tuesday evening at around 9:15 pm and it was my brother S and he said that our friend Donna S. Passed away on April 8, We did not know. Donna was our family friend for the last 20 or so years. We met her through St.Basils and she was so perfect in her love for everyone. God radiated through her life and she served everyone.
Donna, worked very hard in her life despite having had a whole lot of physical limitations. She kept going and never stopped. She was young but had a terrible lung desease that required her to have oxygen at all times. she carried that tank around with her daily as she served everyone in need.
She loved God and believed in every word that he spoke that is written in his good book. . She lived those words and did not complain about her restrictions. She just reached out.
Donna and I talked often and she visited us here a few months back for dinner. It was very special as always. She would say Dan, God is useing you in a powerful way and I would say Donna you are the amazing one.
She cared, she was smart and she was humble and caring like Mother Teresa was.
She was also current and fun and would laugh at my danny jokes.
Donna was our friend, Donna was on a mission and Donna was an angel on Earth.
Rest in peace, we love you and will see you again . Amen.
Donna’s life was one of beauty.
Donna went to God rejoycing, oh the beauty she must have seen. We will miss you honey.
I have come to understand fear. I have never felt fear to a degree that I have been stopped literally in my tracks until about 2 weeks ago.. I now know it’s power.
Fear is not of God It is in my case an emotional thought run a muck. I triggered the reaction in myself about two weeks ago. I wrote about an incident I had while at the track when I was walking where I was so angry with myself about being negative plus being sick of my situation that I pushed myself to the point of nearly falling. It was only by the grace of God that my daughter showed up in that moment to assist me.
Well, as I have found since that occasion I am finding it extremely difficult to walk in areas that I have walked before. I fill with fear and freeze in place. So, I have found myself having to stop and remember the fact that I can walk and that I will be okay. My sister in law witnessed my freezing up while walking to the car and just said c’mon you ‘ll be fine. I was out with my wife and it happened again. I know what caused my traumatic memory, me. The fact that I was walking fast and was angry with myself and the extreme feeling of trying to stay standing with no one around me left a bad trauma in my memory which effected my psyche.
I ended up making my way to where I needed to go but it was sheer will that got me through.
I have never dealt with fear like this before so perhaps I needed this in my life so I could fully comprehend what it is and what some people live with on a daily basis.
Fear in my case is senseless because around my home and other places that I frequent I walk around normally. its just in new areas that are unknown to me
I know one thing I am going to face this fear and get this behind me. In my case it is my faith and the true reality of the fact that, I am okay that will get this lie to leave my mind and emotions and allow me to contunue the walking and healing of this body. Amen.
Fear is an emotion induced by a threat perceived by living entities, which causes a change in brain and organ function and ultimately a change in behavior, such as running away, hiding or freezing from traumatic events. Fear may occur in response to a specific stimulus happening in the present, or to a future situation, which is perceived as risk to health or life, status, power, security, or, in the case of humans, wealth or anything held valuable. The fear response arises from the perception of danger leading to confrontation with or escape from/avoiding the threat (also known as the fight-or-flight response), which in extreme cases of fear (horror and terror) can be a freeze response or paralysis.
When the fear came upon me my entire left side froze like stone. I have left side weakness and have tone issues with the side. I could not breathe either. yet, when pulled forward, I moved through it.
I found this good little explanation of what fear is and does.
After watching this video again I am amazed at how much his description and experience are similar to mine and perhaps yours too.
I have been in a process of discovery, learning a lot of bodily motions all over again. From balance through movement. It is a long 1″ at a time victory. I have been called a slow motion miracle. As I have said before I am grateful to God and everyone that has assisted and prayed for me.Thank you and God Bless You. 🙂
I do not write or talk too much about my wife. She is a sweet, quiet private person. I will say this though I absolutely could not have been given a better gift of a wife. Without her I would not have made it through this whole ordeal. She has carried my family and has done so with such beauty and grace. Now she will kill me for writing about her but I needed to give her the credit and God the glory of his goodness to me, my children and our friends.
I wrote about my desire to deepen my relationship with God during this past Lenten Season. I am not sure how I did on that front. It was a beautiful Season but I was not 100 percent into the effort. I was distracted by life and stuff. My license has given me more options so I am tempted to go out when I have the energy or the mind to.
Friday for instance, I was up early and went to physical therapy. After therapy I went to chapel for a short while and I went to my dads house and spent a number of hours with him , it was awesome.
Last evening my wife and I got together with another couple of good friends for dinner. We were talking at dinner about life stuff, kids, parents , jobs etc. When we were discussing our parents etc, I was thinking that I still wish that I could have spent more face time with my mom while she was ill. It is something that I could not help but will always regret. Today like I said was great with my dad once again and I also this week went to my God parents home for lunch so life is good 🙂
My blog posts will no longer be daily because, it needs to be inspired from God and I feel that because of my new mobility that I need to be out serving more and not stting at a computer or on my kindle. 🙂
When I woke up this beautiful morning I had a song on my mind from 40 or 50 years ago and looked it up. The words in general are very true precious and few…..
Climax Blues band Precious and Few.
The moments we share here are few but Gods promise that we will be united through Jesus Christ eternally makes life beautiful. Amen.
It’s a reality of this life. God ordained that after the creation of Adam that he would also create Eve so that they would have oneanother and not be alone. They then we’re blessed with children and we are those children generations removed.
Part of the reason why I am still here personally is because I am very very stubborn. I do not give myself an inch. I can be foolish at times I know but I choose life and I choose to get myself back into the game where I can contribute to society in a meaningful way.
Yesterday I was home and my wife was down the Cape with a number of her girl friends for the day so I decided to walk the track for the first time since last Fall. I called my brother and he dropped what he was doing to join me. So, I walked a quarter mile lap with him and we headed home.
This Morning , I woke up hopped in the shower and decided I would walk the track. My wife was now at church and I went Saturday so I said I will go now and be done when my wife gets back from mass.
Off I went to the track as I left the garage I saw my eldest daughter and just said I am going to walk the track 🙂 and, away I went.
I got to the track and there were a lot of young kids playing soccer so cute. The parents were all there watching and talking together. I remember those days well with 4 kids my wife and I were always at one field or another.:) Those days were so important for my kids and for us I thank God for every one of the moments there.
Well this morning God protected me from myself once again. I am one hundred percent sure of this fact here’s why,
I began to walk the track and the kids were playing on the field. I was walking and greeting other walkers as they passed by me. It was gorgeous out and it was the day that I have been waiting for. As I walked and looked at the sky I began to pray and talk softly to God so I could hear myself. I wanted my ears to hear what my heart was expressing to God. I began to say I can’t believe that one year ago that I told my physical therapists that I wanted to run the Boston marathon. I was thinking how stupid of me !I became embarassed. WITH that, I thought to myself I can do it! and It’s not because I say that I can , it’s because God can do anything that he chooses to for me. I felt a sense of defiance and got mad at myself for being negative and picked up my pace as I walked I felt empowered. I was finishing the 1/2 mile mark (2 laps) as I rounded the final corner I suddenly felt my left leg begin to falter and I thought oh no ! I am going down. I stopped and used my right hand and pushed on the top of my cane to help support me. I tried to step forward but my knee cap was going up and down fromthe stress and the nerves. all of my wiring from the brain is newon the left side of my body and is being rebuilt over time. I began to take little steps fighting myself not to fall. I looked up and down the track about 150 feet away all of a sudden a figure emerged walking down the track I thought I recognized her but was not sure as she got closer I realized that it was my daughter. She walked up to me and I said what are you doing here? I said I am going to fall. she raised her sunglasses and looked at me and smiled and said dad don’t worry, I got you,I am here. I was on the verge of tears she said lets go and I said I was trying to walk 3/4 of a mile today but my body is rebelling. She was holding my left side steady as we walked and she said how long have you walked ? I said 1/2 mile so she said c’mon lets go you can do it:)
So, we took the final lap her helping me as my leg once again faltered. My daughter became my left side as we walked.
I asked her again how did you end up down here? You were a Miracle to me today!
She said after she saw me in the garage she went to the gym to work out. She said she walked into the gym and said to the person at the desk, I don’t know why I am in here today my dad is walking the track. I should go with him and the girl replied yes you should plus it is beautiful out.
So God sent one of my angels to help me today. I was wrong to have pushed myself to a point of potentially harming myself but lesson learned. Like my daughter said dad, slow and steady your going to get there.
For my beautiful daughter, Dad says thank you and God Bless You Honey.
xoxo me
I saw God today… In my daughter once again 🙂
Thank You God for your mercy and my lifes many blessings. Amen.
Something that I meant to share earlier this week.
I no sooner completed my blog on Sunday March 22 nd saying that I needed to take a break from my blog and I then took out my bible and this is the immediate reading that was before my eyes. It is amazing that God responds so quickly to us in prayer. This is the reading…
During my week away from my blog Friday March 27th, I had a very beautiful experience. I got up at around 5 a.m. I ate showered and was at physical therapy by 8:oo am.
I headed to the church and arrived too late for the 9:00 am mass so decided not to interrupt the mass. The other fact was that the church was packed and there was no parking anywhere. So, I decided to get my haircut. I went around the block in the car to find a parking space near the shop. The parking even on the street was full from the church parking over flow. I kept circling the block determined to find the elusive parking spot. Well, I found a spot at the furthest point of the church property on the street. I walked the distance all the way around the church and down to the barber shop and said great there is no one outside waiting at the barber shop. It’s a busy place 🙂
So, I went to open the door and realized that they were not opened yet. The little sign said open 10 to 8 pm so I said to myself shoot! I needed to wait for 40 minutes until they open. It then began to rain lightly and I was cold and wet. I was standing or weight baring as they call it and I get tired real quick so I looked at the bench that sits in front of the shop and it was dripping wet. That would not work ! LOL
I thought to myself I have to go back to the car but I realized it was a long walk back and I knew that if I had walked back to the car that I would never have the energy to go back there for the haircut that day.
So, I said I am going to stand here and wait. I began shifting my weight and leaning against the building.
God’s plan for my day…. He has a great sense of humor! 🙂
While I was standing there in the rain, church let out. An older Irish women crossed the street and was walking by me with her umbrella open. As she walked by I said hello and smiled. I looked like a wet rat holding a cane lol. She smiled and looked at me and said whats your name ? She looked very puzzled. I told her my name and she said, and Iquote my God, I thought you were dead LOL OMG! We stood there laughing. She was apologetic over her statement I explained my dark sense of humor and that I loved it. I explained how grateful I was for God’s mercy and that my jobs not done yet. She said that the homily at mass was about Miracles and that I was her confirmation of their existence.She was blown away, as she stepped away we said goodbye and I looked up and another women was crossing the street and I recognized her. She was on my earlier blog writing nearly a year ago. She is a miracle herself!
N is a Chaplin who visited me when I was receiving home visitations as they thought I would die three years ago. She had come to pray with me when I was house bound and bring the Holy Eucharist to me. During prayer together here at my home she had a healing from God and is doing very well now. I said hi N, how are you? She said My God Dan? You look great. I did not recognize you. You are a Miracle I have to tell Robin aka my nurse that sat with me how good you are doing and look. She just kept hugging me. She was leaving and kept waving and blew me a kiss as she pulled away from the curb. I was like wow!
It was now almost 10:00 am and a man pulled up out front of the barber shop and the man got out of the car and I said ,oh no don’t! lol I am the first in line I have been standing here for 45 minutes. We both laughed this man had a very peaceful and welcoming demeanor.
He said absolutely I was just coming in so my son could cut my hair and smiled. He then asked me, did you have a left side medical term? I said I did not know what that medical term means but I had been diagnosed with terminal brain cancer almost three years ago. I said the women that pulled out of the space that he pulled into was a a hospice Chaplin that I knew. He said oh hold on, he ran to his cars trunk and got a book . He was an author and he wrote a wonderful book named The Mist Vanishes. His name is Stephen Brennan and the book is a Christian Caregiver’ s Guide To End Of Life Care.
There was a reason I needed to stand there that day in the rain. He was a wonderful person to meet and the other two women brightened my day . I got my hair cut and walked back to my car . I also stopped into the chapel to thank God for my beautiful day .
You just never know what God’s got in store for us. God makes the ordinary extraordinary! Amen.
Just Danny Speaks 