The last two weeks in particular here in Danny world have included so many different situations and events occurring at the same time. Some great and 1 not so great. It’s life, right?
We as people have one very strong component know as emotions.
Keeping an eye on your emotions and getting to know when you are taxes enough so you can stop your emotions from getting out of control is so important. During the blog writing on Sunday, as I read it again on Monday I could see the chaos and confusion that my emotions were sending out.
My mom used to say that she at times was physically, psychologically, and emotionally exhausted. My mom was a powerhouse. She too felt the strain of life.
Well, I now understand after 52 years what she meant.
The one thing about recognizing a new dimension in your emotional world is that after a day or so you realize you have survived it. It was a crappy place to visit and when you have a low like that I think we need to figure out what caused it. Sunday , when I woke up I was off somehow. Something seemed misaligned. The upbeat demeanour was not there but a since of blaah.
All day Sunday, I kept on trying to readjust my mindset and it was to no avail. It was just hanging with me. I guess I am now aware of what being totally blue is like. I have never experienced that before ever in my life.
There are parts of me that cancer has for ever changed. I think very differently. I face death will almost a ridiculous since of humor. I see optimistically and at the same time mourn in silence about a life lost. The death of my dream you could call it. I guess.
You know, Back three years ago as the darn cancer moved in from no where and began to kill me, the peace and strength that arrived and aided me was directly from God.
I remember saying to Father R., I will be the best handicapped witness to God that I could be. I was so brave I guess you could call it.
Well, the bus left the station and today my thought would be this. What is the measure of this man? ( me )What have I accomplished? I knew where I wanted to go to help people and to do it for God’s Glory. Regardless to how I feel in this moment God is responsible for the good. Life and my decisions are responsible for the rest.
So, today is a better day then Sunday,a little better than Monday. A song is bouncing around my head right now AS i am writing so here it is.
It always seems that when we are preoccupied with our own stuff a hero comes along, and blazes the trail for us all. As I wrote yesterday on my blog that everyone in life has trying times and that it is how we deal with that situation. No sooner did I post the blog yesterday that I heard about Stewart Scott. It is how you live as he said. He too was living his Victory. God Bless him and may he rest in peace.
He is a hero because of the way he lived with his struggles.
As a follow up to my writing yesterday this was on my blog in the form of a draft for months just the words family tree with these song links were on that draft so I will pray on it and complete this writing. 🙂
Well, God picked a big topic out for today’s blog. Lol If God had asked me to write this ten years ago or so it would have been a nasty writing revealing anger, hurt and hate. We witnessed the very worst of some relatives and a friend and we had given all of them a lot of help in so many ways.
We will start with this song, like I said this blog was dropped in my draft folder months ago and it just sat . Here we go…
“Family” by Dolly Parton (with lyrics)
Okay, you just listened to Dolly patrons song. It has a great message and it is true on many levels. We all have had relationship issues with family and friends at some point in our lives. I once had an employee that I loved and trusted who was well paid and was treated like family.
This person was very cunning and phoney as it turns out. One thing that she would say is, Dan nothing devastated you more than people. I always said, no people are good. Little did I know what she was up to. She was stealing from the business in a big way not directly from the cash coffers so it took quite some time to figure out out the scheme and deception.
The bottom line is this I was pretty devastated by the betrayal that I felt. The money did not bother me as much as the personal betrayal did. I spoke words of truth to her and let her know the gig was up. She was an affluent women and you would never expect such a thing to happen. But what she did not have which I knew but did not want to admit to myself was faith and a moral compass. She was a God less women who loved money , it was her God. You see, God had me witnessing to her she could not figure me out and came against my faith. But you know God was scaring her with powerful signs that she could not ignore. He was calling her to him. One time while in Lourdes France she was in a cathedral and the music was playing she was not a church goer but was checking out the architecture and decor. She was a pretty famous Boston designer during her life. Well, while sitting there God touched her in a way that brought tears to her eyes as she told me. I said its God , he is talking to you. She said no. She was following a different master and did not even realize it. She was not an evil person , she was an evil doer as it turns out because of her lack of knowledge for God. God had her in our lives for a reason it was not a great feeling being used like a sucker but we now realize that this can happen in our lives. We also realized that we could forgive her and let it go. Remember God requires us to forgive our debtors or we will not be forgiven ours debts.
Fortunately for me, I had by this time evolved from a secular world Danny into a more Spiritually aware person trying to follow God and live by his commandments. So, I in time was able to forgive that person truely. I pray for her now and thats it. I do not have contact with her , she would be quite elderly by now whereas it has been some years since this situation happened.
You know people always tell you who they are by what they say for instance,
E would say all the time Nothing devestates you more than people, she was right she tought me that herself by her actions.
She also said, Money is not my God . And it was.
Finally, She would also say I am not jaded, but she was very jaded and impressed with her money and circle of friends, trips and 5 star accomedations.
I love her still and truely wish the best for her and know that God loves her the same as he loves me.
The other situation does refer to family. I will not get super specific but from distant relatives came a wave of crap that effected the entire family. My wife and i were the doers for them all and they became impossible. Things that I saw for years and would talk to my wife about all of a sudden became viscious. Their parents needed us to protect them it was horrible, my wife took care of her ageing relative and I was made personal health proxy for her elder relatives health. He was all mine, 3 trips to the nursing home a week to assure that he was well and being taken care of.
The one thing that we are so grateful for is that the court seeing the crap going on had asked us to become castodian of their assets , my wife and I said NO. We knew it would be a disaster. No matter what we did.
So we did the right thing . We did our parts .Our loved ones were content that we were by their sides even when they both went to God. They knew love, we had nothing Earthly to gain. The family ate each other up. They then threw sand in the air like children in a sand box trying to find peace in their decisions. God loves them too they are sinners like us all. When the elders left this world 13 years ago we began to pray for them and let them go off to live their lives.
Sometimes loving is hard. it is an act of will.
I/we love them, forgive them and wish them well but do not have contact with them.
Sometimes we need to stay away from those who habitually hurt us.
You see, we do not have the problem they do.
We all have these people that make you pull your hair out. But we do not have to allow that. Be loving and prayerful it is so much better for us . Its healthy.
This song is perfect for this topic :
God made us so strong too allow us to do what we needed to do for our loved ones.
No regrets! Our lives are so peaceful now perhaps GOD granted me time here on Earth with my family because we sought to serve others. Only God knows. 🙂
P.S. it was 2:30 am this morning when I completed this blog entry. Well suddenly, I got the overwhelming feeling and I googled E name and her obituary popped up. She passed the end of November. I felt my heart tug. Again, God had issued at the right moment my marching orders to pray for her soul. So, at 3 a.m. this morning I prayed for her and her husband and offered my graces to God for their use. I told God of the good things she had done and told her again that I/we forgave her . So please pray for E and the repose of her soul. Amen. Thank you.
So, you see once again these blogs take a while to come together but God knows the whens and timing. He began this blog entry months ago, inspired the dialogue all day yesterday into the wee hours of the morning and then showed me why. He had called E to him and he inspired me to Google her name, I then felt called to pray out of love for her not out of anger. God healed me of that so very long ago. She was like me a sinner trying to navigate her life journey. I just had God with me at an early age which helped me due to my upbringing.
What we all need to do. We need to do the right thing and be Christ to oneanother even when being attacked. Hold the tongues and turn the other cheek.
What I Did For Love ~ Johnny Mathis (HD)
For E., I know she loved me and felt badly for what she had done even though she never admitted it. I knew her heart.
One day she came into work and said danny , i have a gift for you she was back from Rome and had been to the opera she was so struck by the opera and symphony that she had attended that she bought me the CD of some of the music. It was a special moment where God used music to bring us together. So, here it is, one of the songs.
Rest in Peace E.
Maria Callas: O Mio Babbino Caro (Gianni Schicci) Puccini
Hi all, as part of my little blog, one very important element that is regularly used through the guidance of Holy Spirit is music and video from many different genre’s.
As I work on my blog daily I go into a zone, prayer and talking to heaven. I will save phrases and titles that I receive and save them as ideas as they come to me. They generally inspire another topic choice or thought direction.
These phrases, words and inspirations can sit for a long time and all of a sudden they are in front of me again with a writing that correlates with the heading. I am never disappointed by what God reveals. One of the things that I do everyday after publishing a blog entry is to go back to read them once again to see what was written the verbage, it’s spiritual nature and overall message. Anything that is on this blog must be natural, honest and not forced. Otherwise it is not for God’s Glory. Amen.
Once the writings are done the final step is to add the music, video and scripture.
The phrase during prayer that came as a title months ago that arrived again today was GOD ONLY KNOWS.
And today this piece of the blog arrived. Watch this link and I will wrap up this blog entry after you view. This song is very fun 🙂 it is also very true! …
God only knows.
There is no greater gift from God that touches us even while we are in our mothers wombs than sound, and music. It creates a connection with our mom’s , dad’s voices and the sounds of the world. Songs are the glue that helps us to relate events and memories whether they are sad or happy and lock them up in away that they are ours forever. Part of our personal life tapestry.
Music can make us jump, dance, laugh and cry. When in school music can make you a band member creating enduring friendships.
Music regarding ones Faith will bring you closer to your God.
Music helps to soothe us and to express our emotions.
God gives us this special gift of the music through the Holy Spirit.
I believe music is given to us because it reminds us of where we are to go. The bible speaks of legions of angels singing and the angels all praising God at his throne through song.
This song is wonderful, the Spirit of God at work for sure.READ THE LYRICS GOD IN ACTION. 🙂
I hope you had a beautiful New Year’s Eve, My entire family spent our New Years Eve at my nieces/ God child’s A’s wedding to her and her wonderful husband D. The mass was beautiful. 🙂 the reception was a whole lot of fun as well. I thought as I was sitting there at their reception that it is really the one main celebration spoken about in the bible. Where Jesus turns water into wine.
I am no theologian but from the Danny point of view that miracle depicted in the bible to me meant that there marriage would be blessed with the fruit of abundance and gifts from God.
The Holy mass to me is the most important part of the marriage celebration where the couple exchange vows.
I contacted A. And D. The morning of their nuptials and told them that when they married that they were not alone during their journey that God was in the middle with them. It is a beautiful truth. And what GOD puts together no man can separate if they are in fact walking with God.
I was asked to read the second reading during their mass. It was an honour.
The reading that I selected was this one from Corinthians 1
It is the marriage of two people and families. I felt very blessed that I was able to see this miracle take place. Yes marriage when done with God and Heaven involved truely makes it a sacramental and Holy union.
So although we have lost some family members over the past years, our family grew larger yet again with D’ s beautiful family. And, I do believe that are dearly departed were all present and watching over us all . Amen.
From my bible ap. Today’s thought and scripture.
Behold, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs forth; do you not perceive and know it and will you not give heed to it? I will even make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
What a beautiful way to start out the NEW year. God’s words are alive and are timeless. They are words with the breathe of God for the ages.
How the years roll. Growing up in my home was full of traditions. Their was a lot of joy in living. We lived very big in a little way. For example fresh off of our Christmas celebration we rolled on into New Year’s celebration back in the day it was a packed house with family, grandparents and a few of my parents friends. In later years some of my siblings and my friends would drop in too. My mother was always thrilled to see them and feed them as well. 🙂
Guy Lombardo was on television with his New Year’s Eve celebration. And all of the food, my mom made the best chicken wings. About 5 minutes before midnight and the countdown with the ball drop mom would crack open the cold duck champagne . Lol and e even us kiddies got a little sip.
I remember tears just before midnight as we were leaving the loved ones who had passed before us that year and were never to see the new year. But tears were wiped away and joy filled the room as we ran around, shook hands and kissed cheeks.
They were wonderful days , my wife and I have tried to continue that tradition with our family too. After all, that’s what life is about love and connection.
So for my mom and grand parents and to all of your loved ones too that have passed. Looking back with your heart and remembering is always a good thing to do on the night . So, this year as we come even closer to ushering in the New Year remember to bring your loved ones and friends forward with you 🙂 Take them with you in your heart. They are still with us.:)
Today’s writing will wrap up my New York experience. If you remember a few days ago I covered part two of my families visit to see our friends P , H and family.
Let me state for the record that the absolute best part of the visit was just being with our friends and seeing their eldest son E and his lovely fiance.
Our New York trip was years in the making. H and P have asked us to come for years to stay and visit and for one reason or another it never happened.
This time, I was determined to get there no matter what came up. As I got ready to go anxiety was building around my ability to get there and keep pace.
My wife said we need to take your transport chair and of course I said no. I can do it! Well I spoke to P and told him that I did not need it . P said you better bring it just in case. So, it came and went under the bus to NY. I had many different emotional thoughts while I was away. They ranged from blissful peace to feeling like a pain in the neck. Having me out of my element in NY made me needy. Not that I would ever want to be that to anyone but that is what I felt that I became. It took a lot of time, energy, and money on H and P’ s part to make out visit possible.
They refused our offer to pay repeatedly. WHY?
They were not grandstanding that’s for sure. They were being who they have always been Jesus to their friends. H. And P SAW a need and did what God wanted them to do. Having us visit and pushing me around for two days was an act of love. One that I /we will never forget.
We all shared some beautiful memories while we were visiting . I also had a few times where I felt deeply embarrassed by the confusion that I feel that I caused.
Some people don’t see a physically challenged or handicapped person with a whole lot of compassion. We are frankly in their way. I saw it first hand many times over the last 3 years but NY, took the cake. Not everyone in NY was bad but because of the amount of people there it felt like it was rudeness on steroids.
I won’t get into it now but I felt terrible for what my friends wife and kids witnessed. It was upsetting to see them feeling bad for me. And I just felt like a killjoy because of how much attention I needed.
God is teaching me so much through this life experience . I don’t have to like it, and I don’t as a matter of fact, I hate it.
But God expects me to take this handicapped experience and make something positive out of it. Just as you are called to do the same in your own lives.
So in closing, I am very grateful for a beautiful visit with my friends, I felt the weight of my human frailty in this moment and what it has done after being at home and resting with this situation is that I had to be woken up to see where I was truely at physically .
With my eyes wide open on my situation I have two options available to me . The first thing is to as they say, hate on myself. The poor Danny strategy. That’s not acceptable.
The other option is to look at this as a temporary problem. One that I need to accept for the moment. My friends P and H and family saw the treatment that a handicapped person faces on a daily basis.They stood up for me and took on the offenders. I found myself apologizing to everyone for being there.
H and P are wonderful people and New York is very lucky to have them both. Amen.
Well, where to start? I guess where I left off on my writing on December 22 nd.
On Friday Dec 12 my wife and I along with our two youngest children boarded a bus for the Big Apple . We rolled into China town NY where we were greeted by our friend P who helped collect our luggage and my transport chair. Our friends from my writing on DEC 22 are now living in Manhattan. P told us that H was home getting dinner prepared for us, that it would be a quiet night . They felt I would be tired and needed the rest. And, I did. It was nice just being with them , breaking bread and talking. It was a special time. They said that we should get some rest because they had a busy day planned for us on Saturday. P said that they had hired a car for the day to take us around so that I / We could enjoy the visit.
Well, Saturday morning came and we woke to the smell of pancakes and coffee. H. was doing her morning prayer and P had done them and was going to run the East river I guess it was. Breakfast ended and we showered got ready and off we went as we exited their building we saw the limo waiting. I / WE were overwhelmed. You see, they realized what I did not understand. I could no longer do NY in my current physical body. I get tired and phytigued pretty quickly. Stamina is building back slowly. P and H were also concerned about my welfare with the NY crowd they are indeed fast paced, impatient and like many places are not handicapped friendly. I would have been knocked over for sure.
We all got into the car and off we went all over the city. My kids and wife jumped in and out of the car in China town and H showed the kids how to bartar the prices. Lol.
I was content sitting in the car watching them run around from store to store. P and I just talked, It was great just being with my friend.
You see, my friends from NY when they heard of my illness treated their 4-5 hour car trip from NY to see me here like no big deal. They have bent over backwards to be a light in our life. P would come up alone and take me out to lunch. He just sat with me to allow me to talk. He and H. are angels to us a gift from God. Amen.
We had lunch at a beautiful restaurant and then off to F.A.O Swartz to check it out . My kids wanted to see and play their huge foot piano from the movie Big with Tom Hanks 🙂 .
P. Pushed me everywhere in my transport chair, we went to the Empire State Building and had a wonderful time.
We went after that to probably one of the finest steak houses that I had ever been to and had dinner there as well. Next we were off to see a Night on the town a wonderful play on Broadway. It was very good, I told my family when we got home the set, the sound and the lighting tricked the mind you felt like you were watching a television show it was so clear on stage.
Finally back to the car and we made our way to Times Square . It was packed beyond belief we got out and I got into the transport chair and off we went into the crush of people to see the tree in Rockefeller Center. I had H in front of me, with her hand pulling my transport chair meanwhile P was behind my chair pushing and protecting , me , my wife was to my side as were my kids. H. Yelled, hold your bags to my wife and girls this is what they want, they’ll rob you. With that my wife heard a noise and turned around. A young lady was almost robbed and turned around and pushed a man onto the concrete.
Perhaps H’ s yell and warning to my wife and daughters to watch out for pick pocketers helped to heighten the young lady behind my wife’s awareness just in the nick of time to keep her from being robbed. Only God knows.
We headed home and relaxed.H and P’ s home was beautiful like them, stylish not over done or fussy. They have a beautiful city view and you look at the new freedom tower.
The next morning Sunday we woke up Helen made breakfast once again and we were off to their home parish where P. serves as a Deacon. It is a beautiful old church. The mass was beautiful and I met a couple of the women who were praying for me during my battle so how cool is that! I got to hug them and thank them. 🙂
We then went to little Italy for lunch which was amazing and before we knew it we were getting on the bus bound for Boston.
I will conclude my writing on this soon.
The song below may feel heavy but it is not to me. It touches my heart and soul on different levels. Based on my diagnosis 3 years ago it was pretty much expected for me to leave this world. But praise God on Christmas night I drove over to Arlington with my wife and kids In my new, used giloppy 🙂 It was wonderful to drive, it was even better to see my dad and family. Another Christmas Miracle. God’s doing it his way. Amen.
We are so grateful to God for our lives, family, and friends and thankyou for all of your prayers.
And, thankyou P and H for the hospitality and sacrafice in so many ways afforded us during our NY visit.
Just Danny Speaks 