One one of my favorite pictures off of Facebook in 2015
They say a picture is worth a thousand words. This one is that to me completely.
This picture says it all so effortlessly and quietly. The Giant love in all of our lives is God/ Our Lord Jesus Christ and the Blessed Trinity.
God is this to me personally so I do not worry about this life. Like this picture his presence in my life and families Gives us peace and joy beyond measure.
Happy and Healthy 2016 may God be the Giant in your life above all other things. amen😀
I have written so much over the past year. My topics are pretty basic although the subject matter that is written is not. As I am writing tonight the Hallmark channel is on and my wife is in and out of the room half watching. The puppy wants to be played with and was just placed back in her crate. So cute, she loves her mother 😀
The kitchen that was immaculate is now not so immaculate. My youngest daughter has her good friends in for a little Yankee swap tonight. They made their recipes and moved on to the living room. Where they are knitting, there is contemporary christian music playing and someone is playing a harmonica .
Life is good. I am personally struggling with a massive energy drain of my body. I know it is not cancers return because I was told that should the brain cancer return that I would lose mobility very quickly. That has not happened. Praise God.
My doctors prescribed a medicine that may jump start the body. I got it and as I began to use it, a sense of unease set in and I prayed on it. I read everything that I could and did not like the possible side effects associated with its use. I stopped using it because God did not give me peace about using it rather I got peace in not using it.
We need to do our due diligence in any big decision that we need to make in our lives.
I think that my exhaustion is due to fact that I have stepped up my daily activity. I have been very aggressive (for me).The activity combined with the Christmas Season and all of the fun things that it involves with it has left my body with the need to catch up.
The other thing that is definitely an energy drain is that a very dear friend passed away last week and was buried this week. I had been back and forth to see him at the hospice center.
Paul was a treasure. He had so much faith and showed us all the way of the cross and left this world peacefully and joking with everyone. He is now free from the bondage of the life and is healed.
His family is wonderful and they too are strong in their faith.
The big but is this…
His family is missing him so much. He was so young. We as friends even with our faith are grieving his loss so I think that this loss is effecting my energy whereas I have been emotional over his loss and want to be there for his family.
2015 for me personally has been a good year whereas I have thus far outrun my terminal brain cancer diagnosis. But, in other ways it has been a very human year of worries ranging from the everday stuff to friends that were lost to their illnesses and friends that I continue to support in their battles.
So, like you all, life is a little bitter sweet. The bottom line is this. I know the only reason why I am where I am, alive in this moment is because of God and my faith that he has us all no matter what.
My friend Paul was such a wonderful witness to everyone and that’s the model that I want to show this world as well. Victory over this life, Victory through God.
We need to remember these truths , we are all connected. We are all from one creator. We all will live and we all will love. Life is not easy but live is always beautiful from our first breath to our last. Finally, we know that someday God will call us back to himself.
We are born out of love, given love by our God. That life love is to be shared and lavished on everyone regardless of how they treat us. When love hurts us then we need to give that to God and he will restore us. When we are weakened in our bodies or our psychological health suffers we need to continue to love eachother and give the suffering that we are experiencing back to God and he will send us love back through others and by his healing grace.
Trust in him who gave us life and thank him everyday for his goodness to us all.Amen.
Today was every bit if not more of what I had inticipated for Pauls celebration of life funeral mass at my our home parish this morning. This mass had all of the traditions of a firemans send off including the last call bells that means that his shift here was done.
There were 4 vested priests on the alter and the mass was absolutely beautiful from the music, the eulogy , the readings right on through.
The family shared very special memories of Pauls family life. It was an honor being in the moment with them.
Paul was the Miracle to many because he witnessed in the simplest ways while living, working and during recreation that there is something bigger than self and there is an everlasting component to living a great life.
This mass covered every aspects of the our lives journeys, the pain of separation that we who are left behind feel and the joy that Paul is now experiencing being with all who have gone before him including his infant son Steven.
The mass ran over 2 hours and included the distribution of the Holy Eucharist.
The prosession from the church was huge and they were then inviting everyone back to an establishment for lunch . There were arleast 900 people at the funeral. At the end of mass and Pauls departure from the church I looked at my wife and said honey, I don’t have the energy to go to the cemetery or the luncheon. So, we watched the procession leave and we came home.
Like I told my children who were with us, We were there for Paul, Linda and family always, praying with them and their family. If God wanted me there after the mass was done he would have given me the ability to do so. I had already been fed anyway. The mass and Holy Eucharist is what I truly needed today so I am all set 🙂
one of the songs they played outside the church was called Going home a song that I particularly love.
The final song sung inside the church was he Irish Blessing. It was a beautiful and a fitting song for Paul.
I will miss him most sincerely during my days, I was so honored to be by his side when he most needed me to hold his hand and pray and give him the Holy Eucharist. God gave me that honor and privilege. As, I sat with Paul I quietly thought to myself that if my time were here I wish that he would be with me too. Then I realized that he would be in a different way. Yet another friend there to greet me.
Rest in peace my friend/ brother Paul worry not, a lot of people including my family are watching over Linda and your children always…
As beautiful as this Christmas Season is, this years joy has been a bit overshadowed by my friends Pauls illness and passing. At his wake today it was so busy with everyone coming to pay their respects to Paul and his family. It was a beautiful yet heartbreaking life event to witness.
Pauls wake was not a typical event. Paul had many firefighters their supporting his family and standing on both sides of his casket as a sign of respect .
Tonight, I am sitting in my chair and just thinking, praying and meditating on what the moral of this story called life is.
Well, I will say this. A life is about choices. Pauls life was no different he too was provided the same breaks and the same opportunities and the same pitfalls that can happen to us.
I sat tonight and allowed myself to think about my friend and his family from a little more of a different lens. Paul’s life here was certainly shorter than anyone would ever expect or want. One of the only things that I could say today was there is really no way to make sense of a situation. A healthy, hardworking, clean living man being taken a by cancer about 1 year and 1/2 after after diagnosis. There really are no words that we can say. We as humans do not like to be separated from those we love. We just miss them.
I remember a number of years ago my mom lost her dad, my grandfather and she and my grandmother were devastated. My mom and grandmother continued along the road with my dad helping my grandmother to adjust to her new identity. So, I know what they collectively went through.
Around 7 years later my wife and I lost our 2nd son Brad Michael to heart disease. My grandmother was so devastated . She kept saying why did God take him and leave me an old women why? She was so pained by this. My grandparents were the best. She never understood that and within 6 months of my sons passing my grandmother died suddenly in her home in front of her alter statue that she prayed to God at. My mother found her and it caused my mother to become so disallusioned with life and all of the loss. It was so traumatic for her.
It took my mom a good couple of years to finally get back to herself. Her mourning just that deep.
Later she began to say things like this….
1.) you love big, you lose big.
That’s a very accurate statement.
ALSO:
2.) my mom would say …
Love is selfish Dan, we never want to let go.
That also as I have learned is true too.
I know that tonight my friend Pauls family are running the emotional gauntlet and suffering this terrible loss. This horrible loss is even more compounded given the week in which it is taking place.
On one of my last visits when I saw Paul I know I have written this before I discussed with him that we do not always get the Miracle that we want and it is then that we should become the Miracle for others.
Well, today as I sat waiting to visit the family and pay my respects to my friend I sat , listened and observed what was happening around me. I then proceeded in to visit with Paul and family and again sat for a while in support of them. While sitting there again I looked at the goings on and look at Paul laying there in his dress blues and I said to myself once again that Paul was the Miracle. Everyone was touched by the person who was Paul he was a fisher of men. People wanted to be around him because he radiated joy ,light and God.
As I have been trying to write this blog entry this song came out of nowhere and just kept on coming back. It is a beautiful song based out of the holy bibles scripture.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8King James Version (KJV)
3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
King James Version (KJV)
by Public Domain
So In closing , I finish off this blog writing say that tomorrow will be a beautiful day of celebration of a life well lived . There will be ceremonial tributes with the firefighters and the bagpipes brigade that he was a member of and their will be the Funeral mass where all of Heaven will be with us in that sacred church.
None of us ever fully get the whys but as the saying goes we know the who. God and God could only have said to Paul welcome home son I am very pleased with you.
i received a call from a friend who is Paul’s brother that his wife Linda wanted me called and notified that Paul was in a very weakened state after another set back early this morning at the hospice center and was not expected to live much longer.
I had texted Linda this morning early to see if in fact Paul was up for a visit. I had been in and out of the hospice house alot but had gotten a cold within the last week and was afraid of making his family sick as well.
The fact that they are living this terrible chapter in their lives and still called me in the event that I needed to say anything to Paul just shows you the wonderful family that Paul came from. He then created for himself his own beautiful life with Linda and his 3 children.
I told his brother Steve that my heart is broken over this and for them. I also told him that Paul is okay and God has him should he be called home.
As I am writing this I have cold shivers and waves of sadness as to what this moment means.We were just asked to pray which will be continued to be done for the entire family as well.
My answer to Steve was no that I did not need to come up but if Paul or family needed me there then I would come. I just felt it’s about family now.
Life is very difficult at times especially when we encounter a loss of a dear loved one during this time of the year . On my Facebook account I had put this song up as a tribute to their family. At the time I knew nothing about Pauls set back early this morning. This is the song.
It is about Gods victory in our lives over death.
Paul was a beautifully heroic man. A life of a hero firefighter , son ,sibling, husband, father of 3 beautiful kids and superior friend to so many but Pauls greatest attribute was his faith that was so deeply engrained in him. Because of his faith in God , God used him to do many great and loving acts for people he was also blessed with a beautiful wife and family.
God had my wife and Linda and Paul met over twenty years ago. The relationship that we forged was a blessing in our lives. My wife and I were honored to sponsor Paul and Linda for A Cursillo retreat at St. Basil’s in Methuen which only made them more steadfast in their faith in God.
Paul went to the Lord and he now is free from the shakles of this life. He is restored and it watching over his family and friends that he loved. We are connected through our love eternally.
Paul was not afraid because Jesus came to save us. Faith allows us to see things that are not visible to a non believer but resonnate in our hearts and souls from our Creator. The blind shall see the glory of their God. Amen.
Without God and Jesus Christ, we do not have breath in our bodies, we do not have love, we do not have an eternity with God with all whom we love including God.
This next song says it all. Thank you, God, Thankyou Mary our blessed mother for saying yes. Amen
I truly believe that Paul went to his reward that he truly deserved and where he will be reunited with all of his loved ones and friends who have gone before him especially his son Steven.
Its hard for Pauls family and friends . To us this makes no sense.
I also know that Pauls family will be fine. God has them and loves them and will provide for them . Amen.
Its hard to believe that Christmas is next week. I was out yesterday at my last Livestrong program session at the YMCA cancer survivor program. I then did an errand that I needed to get done and what stood out to me is this. First off, the weather has been so mild. I thought it has been great. I have not been out and about the week before Christmas in 3 years. This is my first Christmas back behind the wheel since my cancer diagnosis almost 4 years ago.
Another obversation that I made from being out is that there were a whole lot of older seniors in the store and I took the opportunity to say hi to them. They were all thrilled with the weather and the fact that there was no ice. Cancer has allowed me to become I think a better informed individual surrounding the needs, and obstacles of individuals with handicaps and the elderly. I see the barriers that are present in my day. I find myself watching other people struggling and am waiting to assist them all the while realizing that I probably end up on the ground myself.
I can see why some people go South for the winters. (Snow birds) they escape the cold for 3 months they avoid the ice and fall hazards too.
The next obversation that I made was that there was so much traffic I began driving again last January and have been happily driving anywhere and everywhere. I remember writing back then how different the road was back then. There was a lot of people rushing and were very impatient with the elderly. I felt bad as people motioned them and bombed their horns. I actually find on the road around here the elderly to be cautious, and they follow the speed limits they really should not be treated with hostility.
Isaiah 46:4 – Even to your old age I will be the same, And even to your graying years I will bear you! I have done it, and I will carry you; And I will bear you and I …
This is a lesson to live by. How we treat the children and elderly in this society says alot about our future and our demise.
Senior citizens are older versions of us. We are in route to where they are now. We should treat them as the treasures that they are. You know God expects us to be good and kind to one another always. Right now it the height of the Christmas Season and some people are still not always acting in a joyful way.
In my travels yesterday I needed to stop to get a few items and while I was in line I found that a few of the things in my cart were out of my reach. as I try to wedge by body between the cart and register isle to reach them an arm came from the other direction into my cart. It was an elderly women on a cane herself with a big smile she said here ya go. I was so grateful she then struck up a conversation with me. I thought to myself in the last year that I have been out on lets just call them , made up missions. I needed these shot trips to escape my routine because I could not stand it. It is always the older individual who tries to elevate my day. I can count the number of times that a younger person has even picked up my cane when it has fallen.
i was on my way out of the store and they had a kettle collection for the Salvation Army I told the man on my way in I get you on the way out. So, on my way out I went out through the door behind a tiny women all of 100 pounds she was holding onto the carriage just as I do so as not to fall. She stopped to get her offering out to put in the kettle. I was behind her biting my wallet and using my right hand ( my left does not work )to get a couple of dollars out and I got hit from behind by a carriage a man in his late 50’s said c’mon move in it in a loud voice. I moved forward as far as I could without hitting this cute old women. He squeezed behind me muttering and shaking his head. This all transpired within 10 seconds.
God expects us to shower each other with love just as he does for us. We are his hands, his feet and his love personified.
The older women was startled she was attempting to do a good gesture and got yelled at her hand was shaking. I said no honey I am behind you waiting to contribute as well. He was not mad at you. I said God bless you enjoy the beautiful day. Next the man working the kettle was standing there stunned by the mans explosive actions and as I put the offering into the kettle I connected with eye contact and said do not let that man or anyone bother you. I thanked him for being there and wished him a Merry Christmas.
That mans actions were not of God.
Gods counting us just as he counts on us to love and serve one another.
Life is a school as I am truly understanding. I have kinda developed a philosophy over time though . If you cannot do something nice do not do anything at all. Because if you do something unkind to someone then you are not being an agent of good. Your sinning against man and God.
Contrary to what some in this world think Christmas is not about the gifts ,shopping and the and noise of the Season. . Those are a few of the aspects that evolved as a celebration of the birth and Miracle of Jesus Christ in Bethlehem . Gifts parties etc are a fun extension of this celebration. but, they pale in comparison to what Jesus birth did for mankind. Each and every one of us.
The beauty of this Season is so incredible . I love the lights, the joy and the love of this Advent / Christmas Season. Our liturgical Season at church is all about the celebration of The birth of our Lord and Savior by way of his Miraculous birth through Gods selection of our Most Blessed Mother the Virgin Mary. So, Thanksgiving was the Holiday. And this is our Christmas Season which celebrates the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. So, Merry Christmas.:)
This Season of Christmas can also be difficult for us too when we have an illness or a loss of a loved one. I remember my grandparents and my parents getting teared up when the song Auld Lang Syne was played especially on New Years Eve.
I did not understand why they cried then but I came to understand over time when I experienced the loss of loved ones and friends personally. I felt such sadness myself but in time I was able to experience those memories through the proper and just prism of God. Being separated from our loved ones is hard naturally but the truth of the matter is so simple. God created us in perfection to live in his perfect garden/world. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating of the tree of good and evil thus we find ourselves here in this imperfect world with an imperfect environment. Sin, murder, addictions sadness and grief and death. But God being magnificently loving sent his only son to die on the cross for our sins and to save us from an eternal death.
So, yes we have sadness and losses in our lives but We are also never Spiritually separated from those who go back to God. Love does not work that way. Our loves is an extension of Gods love through the Holy Spirit of God. Amen. We can feel the pain of seperation personally but we are very much connected through our love and God Amen.
Please pray for the following intentions.
please pray for Paul and family as he is in hospice this day.
please pray for Jeanne. Lung cancer.
Stevie medication Adjustments.
Jenn Glio Blastoma.
Bryan Glio Blastoma
John physical difficulties with legs.
Robin problems with her leg and foot.
For David R who passed away and his family grieving in this moment.
For all of our personal needs and intentions.
We pray to the Lord. Lord hear our prayer. Amen.
God Bless You Danny
God is our victory over this life, our sorrows, over death.. Amen.
Please keep all of our loved ones, friends and neighbors , those who are fighting illness and those in need in your prayers.
I have been literally dragging my body in and out and up and down. I am by no means a martyr. I feel compelled to try and be a positive witness to anyone that I can help.
As I have found. Helping does not mean that we have all the answers or know what to say to our loved ones when in need. . It simply means that God has us there at times just to pray and offer quiet support .
This past weekend, I almost missed church. I was feeling the phytigue that plagues me most weekends. I was eating my breakfast on Sunday and I was working through the mindset that I am not going all the while feeling a real yearning beconing me to get dressed and to go. I finally went for it and got ready. I wanted to get the Holy Eucharist for our friends Paul and Linda who were at the hospice center and for my dad. My wife was getting lunch to bring for their family also. I did not want my wife to go by herself to visit and wanted to be there for my wife and our friends. Lord knows, My wife had to do that a whole lot during my treatment. out on her own doing everything solo. So, I sat in church and was literally yawning constantly not because it was boring but because I was so tired. Every time I got up from the bench during mass was an act of will. A couple of times i moaned very softly. my body was shaking with all of my energy to get to a full standing position.
Father next delivered his homily and I new why I was there. I was seeing something in my life from a different perspective. If I were not there that day then I would not have been fed spiritually or gained the insight that I needed had I stayed home in my recliner giving into the fragility of my body. This is just a fragment of what Father said and wrote in the weekly bulletin.
Fr. Ron said,
This Sunday is a good reminder that as Christians, we live with a joyful Spirit. Life may at times be hard and painful but we know that Jesus is Emmanuel, God is with us. We do not walk alone. Jesus is with us with His love and provides our every need. Joy is one of the fruits of the Spirit. As we bring to mind our many blessings, that we are adopted children of God, may the joy of the Lord dwell in our hearts.
the full writing from the bulletion can be found in the following bulletin.
After mass, my wife and I were going up to visit our dear friends at the hospice house and I told my wife point blank that I could not go into the building and would wait while she ran in with the food and the Holy Eucharist. When I got to the hospice house I said you know what to my wife I am going in. I feel I should. My wife said I will push you in the wheelchair I just felt God say no. I trecked into the facility and made my way through that facility slowly and defiantly. My wife stopped me and said sit here for a minute I again just said that I am fine and progressed forward until I was where I needed to be. I am as I said before no matyr or hero. Gods got me here in this moment to do something bigger that myself. maybe its attonement. I really do not know.
What I do know is this, if we as humans have 12 cylinders I am currently firing on maybe 6 of them.
Today is Monday 12-13-2015 and I saw my dad this morning and i brought him lunch and from thre I went off to see my friends again and brought the Holy Eucharist.
I have been given a opportunity to be a blessing at least in a small way to people who have blessed so many in a big way. So, thankyou God.
For Paul and family.
There is nothing to worry about.
Mary Did You Know by Go Fish It is the time of Miracles.
With life’s twists and turns there is only one constant as my mom and dad would say and that is God.
During my prayer time today I came by this scripture reading and it gives me so much comfort.
No matter what has been going on in our lives or whatever may befall us we have God’s word that is his promise to us all. We need to love him with all of hearts and to give him his thanks and our concerns.
I had the honor today of speaking to a new friend Brian from Ohio who is also living his life as a Glio brain cancer just as I have/had. I am always so grateful to talk to such wonderful people. He and his wife Mary are rooted in their faith. Our daughters are friends hense our meeting. Anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely believe in the scripture Psalm#139. Where God has predestined our meeting in this life. Brian and I spoke for a bit about our specific case details. I was able to discuss the medications including the experimental one that I had used.
From that point my wife, my daughter and I went to visit with Paul and his family at the hospice center. When we arrived Paul had family and a number of fire fighters in his room watching the Pats game . I did not want to disturb them, that’s for sure. Paul was in bed and was very much at peace. I announced to the men who we were and they couldn’t have been any nicer. I told them that we were there to pray with Paul and Linda and deliver the Holy Eucharist. We then left the room . One very beautiful thing that I will always remember is that all in Pauls room participated in our prayers for Paul and his entire family. You can bet that Heaven was thrilled with what happening in that room. That’s a miracle as well as Gods love for us and ours for each other.
Life is so beautiful, people are beautiful. I wish there was no cancer and that Paul, Brian,myself and so many others afflicted with cancer were just living our lives as friends having fun times rather than having our friends struggling.
But, the other side to that statement is that I feel blessed to be meeting people who I can help and that also are helping me through my life’s journey.
I am finding a beautiful common denominator. Despite our lives struggles and illnesses for the most part we stay pleasant and caring to others needs.
In each cases that I have mentioned we were all glad that we were the ones who would be afflicted by this disease cancer and that our spouse’s and children were not the victims. Thats was a blessing to us. Amen.
If I go away and prepare a place for you, I will come back and receive you to Myself,… And if I go and make ready a place for you, I will come again and take you to be… and if I go on and prepare for you a place, again do I come, and will receive …Nor can any man draw nigh God as a Father, who is not quickened by Him as …
I have spent the better part of nearly 3 years paying homage to God for his supreme goodness. I honesty feel that Cancer cautified my personal relationship with my Heavenly Father. He is our only hope. Aren’t we blessed to have hope. We are fortunate to live our lives with Gods promise upon our hearts and resonating in my our souls.
Trust in God
Only Hope . Switchfoot.
I spent so much time of the past 3 and 9 months in various states of suffering and growth all at the same time. The main theme has always been to just be better and to figure out what my new life scenario would be or resemble. So I prayed and I prayed for God to reveal to me what I should do when I could physically go and do it safely and with stamina.
I have found the great fulfillment in helping other patients of cancer or any illness for that matter . I believe That God is helping us to find our purpose in helping others. It’s not alone about money and materialism. That stuff stays behind when we are called. The true treasure in this life is helping each other. Each one has their own special gifts and qualities that only they can share with a person in need.
God did not give me cancer but I do believe he allowed it and expected me in turn to give the situation to him and trust. The sense of peace that he blessed me with has allowed me to be with the sickest of patients even as I was living my terminal illness scenario and I never felt depleted psychologically. I knew what they were thinking, what the Meds they took do to you and how radiation beats the stuffing out of you. I know what is like with a head and body that is being killed by cancer and treatment, I know what it does to your family, when you beautiful wife has to work, does not work to know, and has to proform at an extremely high level daily. I also know how it effected my children super dad not was not going to live and was a shadow of himself laying in a recliner with a nurse by his side and wires hanging off him monitoring the bodies life signs. I also know what it does to your career. I realize what it’s like to lay in bed at night wondering if you would wake in the morning. I know what it is like to have an awake brain biopsy done and to comfort other patients and families that it would be okay and that God knows and he has them and loves them .
The most important thing that I know is that God wants us to love one another and to let everyone know that there is always hope. Regardless of what a doctor or diagnosis says.
In so many of my writings over the last five years the common message I get from prayer is that it is the time of Miracles. I then came down with nonsurgical gleo grade 4 and God has sustained me. Everyday we are hearing of more Miracles. Yesterday was Jimmy Carter.
Today I was at the live strong cancer program and my Evaluations were being done to see what improvements I have made physically over the last 12 weeks of the YMCA’S program. After my assessments The staff is comparing my base lines tests done nearly 11 weeks ago. Thus far I have like all of the other patients made good progress on balance, weight machines and cardio exercise. I have now begun to try and climb up and down the staircase properly. Left and right feet alternating each step. I rely on the railing and very careful and thoughtful placement of my foot so that my knee and foot are lined up so as not damage the joint. I still fear walking in wide open spaces. It is a leap of faith step by step.
I think confidence is beginning to manifest itself in my mind so many things that I thought were unthinkable are now my possibilities. I am so grateful for my healing and even the smallest advancement makes our lives a victory. I also believe that each person along this personal journey whether it be doctors, nurses, the MRI suite, the radiation suite, the physical therapist, the blood labs, the YMCA.even the support staff in the offices and garage attendants were present to the patients/ clients needs. It was not just a job to them it is their calling. More than a paycheck.
Just Danny Speaks 