My Mom was at Spaulding Rehab Cambridge, in the Ventilator unit for quite some time and it was decided that they needed to try and withdraw the vent and the likelihood of her coming off it was not good because when you are on a ventilator for an extended period of time your body becomes use to the machine doing the work and sometimes will not pick up the function of breathing on its own, once again. My mom was awake and alert and the weining process began, slowly seeing if her body would in fact support her, The weing was a slow process, took several days of reducing the ammount of support that the ventilator was doing and thenshe was off the ventilator, breathing on her own. Praise God! Dr.S and all of us in our family were just so happy! God is faithful to those who love him. Amen !
The next obstacle that she tackled was that she could not speak. Her doctor explained that when the ventilator is in place you cannot talk and it was in her throat for so long that damage could have been done to the vocal chords etc. Doctor S. removed the plug in her neck, I guess you call it? She began to speak immediately words from of her mouth. The doctor was so impressed and we were so happy hearing moms voice once again. It had been months! The Holy Spirit of God took care of that need immediately. Like I said, it was and is the time of Miracles for all of us. 🙂 This whole health crisis/ event that occurred started at around April in her home and it was now the Fall of 2011, She had been in Mt. Auburn, and at Spaulding this whole time with a very low expectation of survival. But, she had the peace of Christ and did not think that way. She saw Hope and had such Faith, She saw Victory. She was very ill, but still saw Victory through Christ/ God. Her Rosary was always in hand and her friends St. Michael and St. Raphael were right there with her .
I will continue shortly with my blog entry…. Mom, Mary, Michelle, Dotty, Elizabeth and Georgie what a beautiful story to share, God is just amazing in all that he is doing.
My mom as I began to tell you was very engaged in life and very committed to God. Growing in the generation that she did it was a very common practice to smoke. It had a social component too, so many people did. I too confess that being brought up in a family and culture that touted its use, that I too smoked for a while. But, fortunately for me the non smoking message was getting out to my generation. I also had gotten married and my wife did not want to have children and have them exposed to it. So, I gratefully was able to stop the smoking. I was not a heavy smoker , but then again as the years unfolded I came to realize that one cigarette was really one too many.Here’s why,
About I guess 15 years ago, while my wife and children were vacationing on the beach in N.H, my mom and dad took a day trip up to see us. We thought that we would take a walk with our kids and stroller up to the boardwalk for ice cream.
My dad came up the stairs to our unit on the second floor and said Hi, we are downstairs when you are ready. I said wheres mom? He said she could not do the stairs she is not feeling well. I remember running down to see her, she was standing there smiling and said hi, I could see her breathing was labored. I said, mom whats wrong? She said nothing and took out her inhaler that she supposedly had for allergies. Well, I do not think that we got ice cream with her that night because she could not walk 10 feet without being winded. My family was devestated. She told us it was allergies for the longest time and my father respected her wishes and did not tell myself or my siblings a thing. Finally, we all got together and told her we need to know. She said that she had C.O.P.D. from the smoking. My mother did not want to burden us, typical mom. You see, both my mom and dad smoked probably 40 years of their lives, they had both quit 8-10 years prior to the onset of her COPD. It came from no where. When you smoke the lungs become clogged and you go from breathing okay and suddenly you cannot breathe. As she would say, the damage was done. She would often say darn cigarettes.
My mom showed so much courage through out her battle that it was just so amazing to witness but it was heart breaking to us all. My mom eventually was on oxygen at her home. She had portable tanks that she in the beginning would get into her car and go to the store for short stints. She used to pull up at my work in her car and she would call me from her cell phone and say, Hi honey, are the other boys in the office too? She was referring to two of my brothers that worked with me. She said come out to the car, they had sales at the store so I picked up stuff for all your families with my coupons, hurry because your father is probably getting worried he’s going to kill me .LOL My mom as she would say, just kept on trucking along. So loving, so generous. As she was ready to leave the parking lot she would blow me a kiss and to tell the boy’s the same, I know that there was no way that she could carry those bags and place them in her car, there must have been an angel loading them at the store for her. I would alway’s start to say mom, this is too much and she would flail her hand at me and smile. She then took her index finger put it straight up over her lips and gently shushed me. She then would do a 10 point turn in my driveway before she left. She did it her way 🙂 My brothers would walk into the office and say whats this, meaning all th bags? And, I said mom was here and sends her love eachone of us has bags here and theres chicken packages and stuff in the refrigerator too. My brothers would look at me and would fill up with emotion then each one would call my mom to thank her. She was Christ in motion. The progression of COPD to full blown emphysema was slow and steady. In about 2008 she was now pretty much in the house, she started to attend St. Eulalia Parish for church because it was easier for her to park and get in to the sanctuary. Plus outside of the church is a large statue of the Blessed Mother so when she was too tired to walk etc, my sister would take her up and sit in front of our Blessed Mother and do the Rosary. It brought here so much confort and joy .
My Father, prayed with my mother everday and she was suffering you could see it but she would say I am fine and smile. She would say offer up the stuff. She did her St. Raphael oil from the healing ministry at church and the prayers etc. We did it with her all as a family when we were together. You see, Prayer to us is not an embarassing thing. It was not ackward. It was no accident that God selected my dad for her and gave her the 5 children that she was told that she would never have. We were there to comfort, honor her, and love her in the time of her need as God was preparing her for her salvation and glory that awaited her, God himself. She had her Christian music on and watched a little tv, EWTN etc. She was more of a reader always looking to read something. A very bright women. The last movie that I remember her seeing in the theatre was I belive Jaws. LOL More importantly she had all of her family surrounding her as she so richly deserved.
When I see people regardless of their age smoking, I always think, God I wish those things were outlawed. Especially seeing what it does to beautiful people. My mom did not deserve it thats for sure, I will continue this shortly .
God Bless You !
Dr. Cohen presents “Smoking Stinks”
A song for my mom. We need to remember and celebrate those that we love. Amen 🙂
Another Miracle from God happened this evening that I will share shortly. As I have said before God is closing the circle in so many of our lives right know. bringing people back together it is breath taking to watch and experience.
God loves us all so much, and wants the best for us.
The doctors were informed that I had an incident in Radiation with the equipment malfunction and left the room quickly, I had said to the doctors that I was okay and could see from my left eye again. Although, like I said to my wife, brother and the few who have heard about this account over the last year or so .I had to complain 🙂 I said hey God, my vision returned in my left eye to what it was before I was blinded, you think that you would make it perfect when vision was restored.:) I have told you before God must be rolling his eyes all the time over me. LOL Father said that God has a sense of humor , So, I choose to believe him 🙂
Going home in the car my wife was like, Danny we need to know what happened, my brother tried to just say it would be a good thing to know even for others. My feeling was at that time, Its fine, it happened and it is over. They know how firmly God has placed me into a peace that is not of this world. In my mind I hear all ll the time like a whisper. “Be Still and Know, I Am God”. So, I understand why people have a hard time understanding me. But ,know in their hearts it is true. So that night was filled with every living family member of my family calling me to say Dan, you have to ask them what happened. My brother B and my wife were taking me the next day for treatment.
We got up the next morning, my brother was in our driveway here at around 5:30a.m. as usual. And off we went to Dana Farber, we went to the radiology unit at Brigham and Williams, that is where my radiation treatment was done, and checked in. My wife said again, Dan find out what happened when you go in. Bob said the same thing. They were ganging up 🙂 lol
Just kidding, again no one was wrong in their comments that I should find out what happened. I just announced to them it is not about me everything is happening as it should. I just had peace. You will see and read why shortly. I was the only one allowed in the radiology treatment area so the staff came and got me again the Spirit was right their to great them. Big smile as always, I gave the staff my as I called it my golden ticket like Willy Wonda, it was a red card actually that would allow my program to run on the radiation equipment. They took me to the treatment vault by the massive solid door and rolled me around the corner in view was the treatment bed and the 3 or so staff members that were normally there. They all greated me with smiles as normal. No one mentioned the day befores event. And what the Holy Spirit did in this moment was just astounding. When I say in my writings that I am merely a passenger on the bus watching God work his Miracles it is very true! I am so serious about that fact, and it is not because of me, I am, justme. God used what the devil was attempting to do to me which was to silence me so that I could not continue my ministry and giving Gods good news. God can do anthing! It as plain as day to me. And when God wants me and my witness for him is done. I will be taken to him. I will then be judged too for my shortcomings. Just a plain and simple fact of life.
So anyways, I am sitting in my wheelchair facing all of these people. There was a new face that I never seen standing there before. In a second, God took over and The Holy Spirit emerged. Out of my mouth came. Hello, to the new worman in the lab coat , This is the Holy Spirit everyone in the room was polarized and staring at me. I saw tears in the eyes of the believers that had been treating me over the last 5 or so weeks daily. He said you are in charge of the equipment correct? She said yes. The Holy Spirit said then you know what happened to Dan yesterday when the equipment malfunctioned and he was blinded in his left eye. She was so stunned, He said Dans doctors came right down to check the equipment to see what happened, again she said yes. The final question he asked was this, Dan should not be able to see with the amount of radation that he received is this true, he is a miracle she hesitated, he said, it is true isn’t it? She said yes, I saw the faithful in the room just totally wrapped up in Gods amazement and glory.
There was a young person working in that room as well that was an intern finishing up her studies in college. Everyday during my treatment she was generally there. Her name was L and she reminded me of my daughters very sweet. Everyday when my treatment was done before I left the vault as I call it. They would grab my treatment card and hand it to me. Then, away they would take me to my family in the wheelchair. Well everyday, I would say, God Bless You as I was leaving that area and I could tell she hated it, never said a word to me but she would turn away.
Well, God healed this situation in about 10 seconds one of the most breathe taking things I have ever witnessed and guess what it was not about me, all of the radiation staff were still there including the women responsible for the machine. God established that I was a Miracle and then turned directly towards the young lady L. I felt the Holy Spirit through me lock eyes with her and God reached out with such love,
L you are not a believer. Just a simple loving statement made by a father, she responded softly yes, I do. Again, God through the Holy Spirit was talking to her with such love all the faces in the room were locked on my eyes. God said, you don’t and thats okay. Dan tells you everyday, God Bless You and that is only because he is thankful to you for your helping him. With that her face lit up and you could see joy. Hear heart melted and her presence was light and she now believed in God. This is only the tip of the iceberg on what God is doing in this time through many people. Love heals, truth breaks deception, God triumphs over everything with Love. He is the just Judge. He knows all, like psalm #139 say’s We cannot hide from him, he knew that in this second before I ever came to be that I would be declaring his victory. His God News! today right now ! And, you would be here reading it. We are all connected.
I then layed on the treatment table and was strapped in. I had no concern based on what happened the day before, I had my job and that was to offer up everything for whatever God wanted. It was simple. Treatment went well and I as always felt great and thankful.
The Bottom Line :
You see my appointment with my doctor that was scheduled for the day before was switched to the day of the incident. So, God new that in that day this malfunction would happen, he also knew that I would be seeing my doctor on that afternoon. He also knew that L would be in my treatment room as a student and witnessing the whole thing. And, then the next day God declared Victory to the staff in Radiology that I was a Miracle building all of their faith. He then turned around and saved L. right before our eyes. She saw the truth, so her eyes open to Heaven and God. As the bible says the Scales fell from her eyes. If that’s not magnificent then, what is? God handles everyone of our lives everday, I am having a hard time with typing and dictating so, you know where I stand. 🙂
By the way L’s last day as a student ended on my last day of threatments in June 2012.No coincidence either. She always said God Bless Me with a big smile on her face, she rolled me out of the room that day and hugged me. I introduced her to my wife and brother and my doctor was in his office so, the fog horn(me) opened my mouth and I yelled hey Dr. A. LOl He came out and greeted me, what a great guy! 🙂 I said, L here is finishing her studies when she comes for a job please help her out, she’s great !They all laughed. I often wonder how she is. Like the bible say’s, Jesus will go after the one lost sheep to protect it. And, he did 🙂 Also, I cannot imagine the wonderful things that L will do in her life. Just beautiful. Amen !
I had just completed surgery at the Lahey Clinic, the awake surgery as it is called. I did very well by the grace of God only. The doctor addressed me and then stepped out to tell my wife and daughter that things went well. He told her what he had told me. I was taken up to a room shortly thereafter. I went to the restroom in my room and got into bed. remember, I had no surgical meds in me so I felt great and was busy with my family coming in and out visiting me. I had a tv on the swivel arm it was a whole new world to me. lol I know my nephew Stevie when he was in the hospital some time ago told his parents he wanted one for his room at home . Kids are the best!
I ate dinner, and relaxed, I ordered my family to go home 🙂 My wife was exhausted and I felt great. So they agreed and I was left with the tv, it had a radio too lol. My cell phone was sitting on the little table. I got quiet and began to pray and reflect on the day. The doctors and nurses where in and out and there was nothing to report. Everything was hunkey dorey. 🙂 Well my cell rang at around 730 ish, I am guessing it was and My friend who happens to be a Catholic deacon and lives in the big apple said , Danny how are you? I responded never better, So I told him what had happened that day and he said just amazing, Dan what your telling me is just reinforcing my faith so much. He understands this is not the norm and he works in the medical field. So, I hung up with my friend and began to pray my rosary once again and I received a text. One thing that I have come to understand is that God is working Spiritually on every one of us literally every second that we are here on Earth. The only requirement on our account is to work at our personal relationship with him. God has perfect timing after all he is the author of life. This next account would give anybody shivers.
So, I am laying their minding my own p and q’s as my mom would say. I get a text hey danny, how are you ?
I responded hi how are you ? I am doing great!
she responded can I call ? I said sure
One other point that I would like to share before I continue is that the only reason that my friend at this time had my cell # is that we worked together. I had changed jobs into her department and schedules were staggered for arrival time and I felt bad she was juggling two boys and work. I had offered to come in on all of her 5 am shifts and cover for her, For the record she never took me up on the offer, she gets things done. We also never spoke outside of work. You see God knew that she needed that number for just this moment! So she had it and I had her in my address book, I do not answer calls that I do not recognize.
My phone rang, I answered and she said Danny, did you end up having surgery? I said yes, and that I was in the hospital overnight . I said, God has it, I feel great…
Now some background on how I met this person. Because of the slowing economy one year prior to my diagnosis which would have been the spring of 2011 I took a job at a local Home Depot part time to close the gap and to try and stay ahead of our monthly expenses here. I would be up at 330am and punch in before 5 am. I would work until 10 am , then go off to my clients homes to complete their work usually working to around 7pm. Speaking as a man, I have always believed that a father has to lead his family by example, so work and sacrafice should be the norm. My father witnessed that to me and is the finest man I know. And finally, by nature of my Catholic Faith, I am called by God to lead my family Spiritually.morally and ethically. God does have a standard. It does not mean that I have always hit that mark but God knows, I do try.
Let me state for the record my wife always lead with me, and when I was at my weakest SHE took everything over ! So women can do exactly what a man does without the ego of course! LOL, I don’t think I’m getting back any of that power back either! So funny! she is small but fiesty. xoxo
Well, during my time at home depot I met so many wonderful people from all walks of life. I met a very nice person , I/we value her as a wonderful family friend now. This person worked side by side with me at work for the last think about 4- 6 months or so while I was at home Depot prior to my illness. She has/had a really protective shell, she is very bright, witty,smart and tough. I am easy going but agreesive in sales and I love to work. My typeA personality really shows up. I honesty love working with people and love to fulfill the clients needs. To give them more than they barganed for so they will build on that relationship with me. You have to be sincere all the times. So, things were tough a lot of people there were having their own worries, doesn’t everybody? I would walk around the building on breaks and connect with others supporting them, offering my prayers. Their we’re lovely people there doing the same for me.
My friend, foe at that time called me Danny sunshine or something to that effect. She called me a phony on more than one occasion. I just did notlet it bother me. I was always giving it up for God and would tell everyone offer up the stuff and suffering. She would say to me ,you piss me off. LOL . I would laugh with my co workers and say, you love me, she would snap no, I don’t. You know what, I appreciated that she was /is authentic she said what she felt and that was great, I said God tells me different. So this continued for a few months, I was always hugging everybody, it my nature and way anyway. She saw me with clients in action. You have to practice what you preech, people are watching and listening. As a matter of fact, I feel that if a person is phony with people and proclaim that they are God fearing that this action not only does harm your relationship with God and our soul but this action can also destroy what people who are searching for God the opportunity of meeting God through you! I believe that we are accountable for our failures of not helping others. We are the fisher of men after all.
So any way this person and I really ended up having a good relationship at work, I loved her for who she was and respected her. She could not figure me out and thought I was nuts and that too was fine with me. 🙂
God had ordained this situation for us both to learn. And, back to the account , She calls, and we are speaking about surgery and she broke out in the most beautiful deeply routed tears from her soul, it is called a healing, another miracle as far as I am concerned.. She continued to cry, and said you don’t understand Danny its because of you that I believe in God. You told me that you had to go through this and were not afraid, I can’t believe, well any way that conversation was beautiful and we hung up. I sat there on my bed and said oh, I still have not finished my prayers yet . I said a special prayer for my friend. With that my cell phone slipped on to the floor so I did what any brain surgery patient would do, I rolled onto my side stretched down to the floor to retreve it. How stupid that was now that I am remembering it but, it was for a purpose. after I finished my prayers I thought of my friend and I had a message from God for her, It was now around after 9:00. I sent a text hey-, I just finished the rosary and before you go to bed tonight say a special prayer to God,The Holy Spirit and the Blessed Mother ask them to reveal to you that they are in the moment with you.They will.
She called right back saying OMG. As, I sent the text she was on the knee’s beside her bed asking for God’s presence she had not done this for years, so my text and her action proved that God and heaven were indeed there in that exact moment. Joy burst her heart . and she was on the road again towards the cross. Our God is an Awesome God! He loves us all so much 🙂
Finally believe it or not…..
A man came into my room at around 10 ish, I was suppose to be in a slumber by now. But, I was still going strong. I guess you could say that I was God strong. 🙂 He said, hi I hope I am not disturbing you, I said no. He said he was the head Chaplin. I said oh that’s good could I get the Eucharist please, he apologized and said he was not Catholic, I said okay:) So he said can we speak? I said sure , he grabbed the chair and sat beside me. He said there are a lot of people who are talking. They are upset, patients, staff here etc, can you tell me what happened earlier downstairs, what they had witnessed. I said nothing, I had surgery and smiled. That is the moment that God through the switch on in my head to realize what God was truely doing through me. I declared to him that it was God, and we spoke for a few more minutes about the events. He thanked me and gave me a Blessing and he left.
As a side note, a few months later a women approached me in my church who is a eucharistic minister at Lahey and said her boss, the one I was talking to that night had been speaking about my witness to him and she said I know him. You see we are all connected.
I will be putting a very special psalm onto my blog in the next day or so . God revealed this psalm to me nearly three years ago in writings I had done in the Holy Spirit. It makes all the peices of our lives fall togeather. We really have no worries.
The day after surgery, I got up put the shower cap on to protect my wound and hopped into the shower, all by my onesies, I survived but the nurse said, I should of just let know. oops That does make since but then again, I felt so well. I was going to be discharged and the bride was coming to get me.lol
I ate my breakfast, watched the news, the team of doctors came in and one was a women she was so lovely her presence was very kind. I am guessing she was assisting the doctor or surgeon the day before in the OR. You know with the gowns , breath masks and hats it is hard to deceifer who is who .lol
What happened next is the gospel truth,
The doctors came in and they were assessing me, and I said I don’t think I can go back to what I was doing before. ( meaning work) because, I realized my left side was effected and I said do you think that there might be a job here somewhere for someone like me? I need to make money, and I want to help others, they all looked shocked, I had surgery not 24 hours before but God is hope, God is our protector the Holy Spirit was helping me look forward by his grace to a future and I was not living my diagnosis!
She started to get emotional and said, I told my husband last night what happened in the hospital yesterday. Then she said excuse me and left the room. She came back from her office with some information that I could look into, she said you can’t think about work right now you have to fight this illness thats what matters. I thanked them , God Blessed them and they departed the room. I sat on the bed my wife was there by my side the whole time. After a short while the nurse came in with my discharge instructions. He was a very kind person also and after I signed the discharge papers and he hugged me , I thanked him and said God Bless You , he hugged me again and said no one wanted me to leave. What God was doing through my illness was showing his glory. People were not responding to me. What they were responding to was the Spirit of God it is just that simple.
God Bless You All!:)
Danny
p.s, I am taking a couple of days away from the blog to recharge, God’s time.
Today I am going to share some down right Miracles witnessed my many people including my Surgeon Dr. D included at Lahey Clinic in Burlington back in 2012. I wrote of my Lahey experience back a week or so ago. I also said at that time that there were things that I could not devuldge at that time, again it is per what I feel God wants to speak of. He knows the why,I am accustomed to it now. God is always right. I feel peace from God and I know that today is the day to begin the account.
I will list the events and you will see God in them all.
Some of this stuff might be graphic to illustrate what the events were. So a little warning, I am not working from a script or draft of any kind, I am working through the Holy Spirit and he is live from heaven lol. I assure you he will get this account right, he was with me then and and he is responsible for my making it through this process and witnessing God to everyone. I personally take no credit for the following factual account. He is with us all and always has been.
For my brain biopsy procedure to get the grading of my cancer. which was a grade four Gleo and it was non surgical. Meaning, it could not be removed.
1.) I was brought down to the pre surgical unit to have a surgical metal crown installed on to my skull, It was heavy and had two peices. I was backed in on my gurney into the small prep area. It had a wall behind me, a curtain that drew to either side of my bed and the corrider in front of me that was wide open. There were people in the other beds and parking spaces all around me sorry, I told you I have a dark sense of humor. So any way, I was cranked up to a sitting position. The doctor and assistant were behind me. There was a nurse standing at the foot of my bed to the right side watching me. She had a very almost sad look on her face probably because she knew what was to come. The doctor said okay Dan we need to get going sorry we can’t do anything for the pain I am sorry, The Holy Spirit was there and responded it’s okay,
Next, I felt the weight of piece number one of the crown being placed on my head and then the sound of the drill. He said okay Dan and I felt the screws going into the back of my skull. I could be wrong but I believe there were four screws around the circumference of my head. I remember feeling the pain and what God and the holy Spirit did was amazing .I said oh, I can feel it and next the pain was gone and out of my mouth came Oh, its okay I am fine praise you Jesus, thank you Mary. I am speaking of My Most Blessed Mother. As I said before their is one God and many different churches. I as a Roman Catholic we do not worship Mary but we do venerate her and Honor her because she was chosen by God above all women to be The Savior Jesus Christs Mother which happily makes The Blessed Mother my mom too .It gives me great comfort, and I pray the rosary and chaplet with her daily for you all too.
Each screw went in and the same thing happened I could feel it announce the pain and The Holy Spirit would announce the same, its okay now and begin Praise to God, and thanked The Blessed Mother for her assistance. The nurse looking at me was fighting tears back. She was actually backing away from me a little into the curtain behind her.
If you know me you know my voice does not require a microphone. What I did not realize at this time , but then again, why would I have? This pre-op department was not just for brain surgical procedures alone the man laying directly across from me was witnessing the crowning and the praise and worship service directly. He looked like he was frightened and yet mesmerized by what God was doing. There was a women beside mecurtain # 1 to my left, sorry again for my humor, who was saying to her staff whats happening to him they were trying to calm her. Apparently everyone in the unit was listening and heard it all .( I will explain later in detail )
The next thing after part 1 of the crown went on my head they said Dan we are going to put the top of the crown on now. it screws into the bottom of the crown.The Spirit responded okay.Not one tear was ever shed.
Well I was crowned and the doctors said okay we are ready So, out of the bed space I went and as I was rolling out with the medical team the doctor said Sorry Dan the crown is heavy, we will try to help support it. The Holy Spirit announced through my mouth no problem, I have a strong neck. The Holy Spirit greeted everyone in that pre op ward. I rolled by like it was in a parade and Blessings were coming out of my mouth through the Holy Spirit The people were all in shock seeing me smiling they looked like they had seen something out of this world and guess what ? They did! Not because of who I am but because of Who God is. The evil of cancer picked on me, and God decided to show everyone that he is here with us all. I will say this yet again, This is to me the time of miracles for all of us.
My miracle is not again about me. God loves us all and as far as to why I am here and why God has not taken me yet, I feel honestly that perhaps he has granted me extra time to get myself ready to meet him. Perhaps it will be tommorrow or 30 years from now. I do not know and who does ? What I do know is he loves us more deeply than we could ever understand.
Into the hallway we went on our way to MRI. You see the crown that was placed on my head is necessary so they can do an MRI on my brain to map how to go into my skull to get a biopsy sample from the brain tumor. The Holy Spirit even gave a God Bless You greeting as they rolled me down the hall. There was a staff electrician changing light bulbs in that hall that stepped asside so we could pass. He looked shocked as I greeted him. We got to the MRI suite and the staff went in to give the information to the staff inside the unit that two minute window where my wife and I were waiting in the hallway my cell phone went off, my wife had it with her, I nonshalontly said to her who is it? She said its mom, (my mother) I said, I’ll take it, I will never forget the conversation , Hi mom , how are you she said good darlin , My mom said I just thought I would check into see how your day was going. I said good mom, I am just on my way into the store to get a few things it was getting late in the day, so she bought it. She said okay honey, I let you go, she told me she loved me and I responded the same to her and we hung up. What was really something is that while I was talking to my mom the MRI staff had come out and was waiting to bring me in for the test and heard everything that came from my mouth and their hearts were on fire. You see, God shows courage, kindness and love all the time the Holy Spirit was giving me the grace necessary to do Gods will to help others in a very special way. The Holy Spirit was in control with God. You see my parents were not told a word about me until we were certain of what was going on. My mom when she realized later on that I was actually in the hospital at the time of her call to me cried and said that she did understand why I did it, but please never do it again.
So, the staff took me in and transferred me from the gurney to the MRI bed and the test was done, my brain was mapped. They were all thanked and Blessed as I left by the Holy Spirit, (sounds crazy huh ). But it is true.
next
They took me directly down to the surgical suite, I gave my wife a kiss and one of my children had come to be with my wife, everything was happening at lightening speed.
I got into the OR there was Dr. D and another surgical associate standing with him above the head of my table. There was an anesthesiologist at the foot of the bed. It was explained to me again, sorry Dan this is called the awake surgery, we need you to be awake so you that you can respond to our voice commands. Because damage can happen to your brain we need to know if our probe is damaging the brain or something to that effect. We cannot for that reason give anesthesia for this reason for this surgury. I remember the Holy Spirit was in control and I was very calm. He responded to them okay. The Holy Spirit went on to say to the doctors and all the medical staff, thankyou, for helping me, God chose them in this time to help me. The anesthesiologist was looking at my face and I could see that she could sence something not of this world taking place and was filled with joy, and perhaps a little fear only God knows. She broke in and said don’t worry Dan, when the doctors complete the biopsy, I can give you some meds like they use when you have a colonoscopy they are like twilight drugs that help you forget some of what you went through. okay, I said that sounds good thankyou. The next thing that happened was they put a mask over my face/ visor it was clear like a window.
The doctor D then said Dan, we are going to be cutting into your skull a spot that is what you will hear and feel okay, again I was calm they were monitoring my heart and everything stayed on an even keel. They took a small piece of black fabric and covered my clear visor, obviously they were going to making small hole into my skull and they did not want to get my viser dirty which potentially could upset me.The little saw or drill started and they again kept talking to me softly to soothe me, they were all wonderful. God had put me into such a deep peaceful state.The doctor said I am sorry Dan I am now going down behind your eye it is going to hurt, I felt that pain for sure. The Holy Spirit took over he announced it okay the pain is gone and out came the Holy Spirit just like in the pre -op department saying Praise you Jesus, Praise you Jesus , thankyou my Blessed Mother and so on , the doctor said okay Dan please move your fingers, and a couple of other commands. I said okay, made the rquested movements and he said good. At that point I laid there with no drugs, no pain and I was doing Praise and worship and thanking them all for helping me. I could not see the doctors faces the whole time but I did see the face of the anesthesiologist she was beautiful and extremely moved by what God was showing her and God only knows what the doctors faces were doing behind me. She could see them. In those units they can talk a language with their eyes without uttering one word .
So anyways, I was laying there the doctors were putting in stitches to close the wound. I am laying their with the black cloth on my face mask and I could look down on an angle and make out the person still at my feet. Out of my mouth I swear to God, I said Luke, I am not your Father from the Starwars movie, thats what I felt like with my black mask on Dark Vader. Everyone began to laugh and the anesthesiologist had tears in her eyes. She reached forward, and removed the fabric and my visor was then clear once again. A few minutes later she announced that they would not bother to give me the twilight medicine because it was possibility that it may make me feel lousy or tired. I had done so well and they did not want to do that to me. i said okay, I felt great.
When the surgery was over,stitches etc the Dr. D came over to me and said, incredible Dan in 30 years I have never had a patient not cry, and behave in this manner during this surgery. I said it was God not me, again it is my feeling that that God was useing my illness not just to mend me but to show others he is here. With God anything is possible. He is shaking people up and I am just so fortunate to be as I have called it a passenger on the bus where God and The Holy Spirit are allowing me to witness things in a much different way than I normally would have been able to .Why God is allowing me to witness and experience this is only for him to know. It is not because I am any different than all of you my brothers and sisters out there.
Off we went to Dana Farber for our second consult and my new and current Dr. Dr. R. When we arrived it was via wheel chair for me, we were brought into the exam room. Again, we felt nothing but warmth and compassion from everyone. There were a number of medical /clinical coats in the room standing against the wall, my wife, one of my brothers and my sister were present too. I had been helped up on top of the exam table and was sitting upright on the edge of the table my legs dangling down.( It is funny how life makes us at times feel like a little kid).
Dr. R knelt in front of me on one knee and put his hand on my knee and said we have looked at the reports and biopsy information from Lahey and said we agree with the diagnosis. Glio Blastoma multiforme grade 4, it is non surgical. What I realized as I look down into my doctors eyes from my table edge was that he was a truely compassionate and loving man. He did not make me look up while he was talking to me, he took a position kneeling so he could meet me where I was. I remember the peace of God as still just flowing over me and I announced to all of the staff there that God had told me that I had the cancer, cancer was not of God and that I did not own this cancer, I went on to say that God selected them in this time to help me through God’s medicine, God’s machines, and their hands with are the extension of Jesus Christ. we are all Spirit driven and we need to remember where the Holy Spirit is from. God! 🙂
I told them about my spontaneous healing in Dec, 2010 that was discussed with my primary care doctor in January 2011 during a physical. He has confirmed the event to be true. This experience that I am going to begin to share is going to be a bit long and I am finding now in this moment will truely be an excercise emotionally but I will continue in a number of writings because what has happened during this time sounds impossible and is astounding but it is also very true. Witnesses were everywhere during this time and nothing will ever be the same . God is revealing his presence in a very strong way with good reason. He wants a personal relationship with us.
So any way, My Dr R was kneeling down on one knee to comfort me, I announced the message God gave me and tears filled his eyes, I was so tired, I just wanted to go home. not upset like one would imagine I had no energy and just wanted to sleep. The team raced out of the room, and two seconds a women that I will refer to as My scottish friend came in as cool as a cuccumber and said Ok Danny the doctor wants me to get an ekg of your heart. I had been insisting on getting into my wheel chair. She gently laid me back onto the table my legs still dangling off of the table and off came the shirt, and on went the electrodes. She started the eeg and when finished helped me with my shirt. And off she went. My family was there all the while in that room with me. Its like the bible I always have witness or as I call the Riley clan with me lol My scottish friend was rolling out of the room, I was being assisted into my wheel chair by my brother and my wife and Dr R’s head nurse S, came into the door closed it and stood with her back against it and said, We need you to stay, we have made calls and want to get more tests done while you are here. I said no, I said I am too tired and I do not have my afternoon medication, she tried to convince me and my family tried to get me to sway, I said thanks I will come back next week. She said okay and sprinted out of the room, I said c’mon lets go. We left the exam room, I sware to God I was leaning left in the chair, so weak. When all of a sudden I heard something and Dr. R was coming down the hall full seam ahead. I saw him look at my family and went to his knees once again, he put his hand on my left arm and said please Dan we want you to stay, I went through the whole I will come back next week thing , I don’t have my meds, my family had to go to work they have not eaten, I was tired. My family asserted once again that it was okay that they would call in to work. Dr R. said we have made all of the arrangements necessary and our radiologist at brigham and womens was staying as late as he had to accomodate me. He said we have all the medications you need in our unit we have meds for occasions like this he said okay:) Then he said why don’t you get a bite to eat and S, meaning his head nurse will see you in a while. I said okay and he patted my arm and smiled. It was yet another Miracle. There are mericales like this happening daily in our hospitals and doctors offices, we are a Blessed country. and at times fail to see them for what they are. God’s people are loving,compassionate and giving.
BTW, my ekg came back with a strange rythmn like there were two heart beats and that is because as my test was being done, and it was a stall tactic, my sister who was so devestated was holding my hand thus two heart beats . Just beauitful !
I am exhausted and need to stop for the moment. I will continue to write from this point tomorrow.
God Bless you, and thank you God for everything that give us all. Amen.
Last night while lieing in bed my mind went through the days activities and assessed where God was in it . The moments that we learn something or teach something to one another. Two of brothers and I were together for a brief time today to pay respects to a wonderful young man who tragically passed and his family. During our time together we discussed different things going on in our lives, this world, and our culture.
I finished my evening prayers, and laid there on the twilight edge of sleep and listened for Gods voice or word to inspire and soothe me. Well, he did but it had a hint of sadness to it which made me stir a bit.
God uses things that I understand to allow me to understand What he is saying in any given moment to me. It is the same for all of you as well.The Holy Spirit is working with us always. There is a response/ psalm that is used in my church from time to time which stepped forth in my mind and I could hear it but the word and implication was different.
This is the whole song version , so it is longer than the verson we use at my church. It is haunting, and what God was saying to me last night was why have so many in this world abandoneded him at the foot of the cross? Is it good that we wander off to face the wolves alone? I do not think so. Life can be challenging.
here it is.
Responsorial Psalm 22:
Dandan Soy
God is our protection and there are forces darker in the world that would want us hopeless. I strongly feel that if had not stayed stay at the foot of the cross with Jesus during my life It would have been impossible for God to heal me and build me up one again, my heart was open and hopeful. Like a branch that falls from that the tree I would be dead not just physically but more importantly I believe that i would be eternally dead in my soul.
So, I needed to share this with you all. I know it sounds heavy, but to me it is.
I want to always be honest in all my writing irregardless of how fantastic it sounds. bacause God knows the hows, why’s and whens. We just need to say yes.
Enjoy this next video, I love it
This video was shot in the ruins of the colisseum where meny Christians were killed by the lions just for amusement and because of their religious beliefs. Remember Daniel and the lion den?
Amazing Grace II Divo
my next blog will re in reference to Beginning treatment at Dana farber.
This song represents so many aspects of my life. Even a Cancer diagnosis as I said before has a silver lining too. I have done so much of what this song and lyrics say. Please look at the lyrics, we all need to purhaps hit the reset button. I know life has done that for me , and I thank God that I was blessed with the adversity that helped me to find my biggest treasure, namely God!
We are all works in progress daily. 🙂
For 2 years since my cancer diagnosis my recliner became my place, my prision whatever I deemed it to be moment by moment. As I accepted my new life not knowing if my chair would be permanent location until death do we part. lol Sorry, I do have a dark sense of humor and it makes me laugh. 🙂
Well I am out of that chair a lot more more often now. It is just my redocking station now 🙂 Praise God!, and the mantra what am I going to do with my life? along with the prayer, God pleasegive me a direction! I said God whatever you want, I will do. Just so long as it pleases you and helps others. I would be so grateful.. This blog was over 2 years in the making of praying and waiting. Waiting as I came to understand is what God required me to learn before he could answer me. I have so many people, family ,friends and medical people tell me that I needed to share this story, blog, put pen to paper, write a book, whatever. I just felt who am I to do this? Then I thought it is the truth and for God’s glory. So why would God not have me write of this? I figured God was useing all of my friends, family and medical people to give me my answer that I had prayed for and to encourage me to step in and respond to his call. I know the writing is helping me to find things hidden in my mind like thoughts,memories,sorrows,love,shame. Do I like all of these things?, Not all of them! But, that is not the point. The point is stuff in the shadows that lirk and play havoc in our lives and our Spirits are not good and are not of God. They are evil and keep us in bondage. We can be healed from these things. Drag them out into the light of God’s presence, pray on them and God will bring the healing to them and you will be made a new creation. Secrets and hurts are cancer in our minds, souls and the Holy Spirit and as a result I believe our physical health suffers.The child inside does not have to anguish forever, we have an obligation to that child to find him and her peace and fix and heal the wounds of this lifes journey. We are the children of the light, we are called by God to radiate our love and faith to all we meet irregardless to our personal story or struggles. Perfection is not required just a heart that is willing to serve. It is in helping others that we are healed.. With healing of our inner child comes a whole host of benefits. We find peace, forgiveness, self love, and allow The Holy Spirit to work in us and through us in a very harmoniously way honoring God and validating his love to those who need him. People are attracted to a peaceful spirit. I sincerely hope these writings resonate with all of my brothers and sisters out there and that you too can find the healing peace of our Lord Jesus Christ/ God. Amen. These writings are Spirit Driven, with my love and kinship with you all at its core.
You are all in my prayers for whatever your needs might be, God knows who you are and what you need. Please pray for my family and this world we all need them.:)
In my chair over the last two years, I have been in contact with so many people, many of which I have never met in person. Yet, the nature of our discussions cut direct to the quick as my mom used to say. I have more to share about my mom in another writing. She was a force to be wrecken with in a very good way. Like she would say, emmulated by some , surpassed by none, as she would laugh. 🙂
I have prayed with them, shared with them and I truely believe that they helped to sustain me through what seemed like a very long winter. I in return, hope that I was able to comfort them as well. Some of them are still here with us and some have earned their reward and the Lord took them to a glory that I can only imagine.I do know it exists, God showed me glimpses of Heaven when I was at my sickest. Again, for another time they will be an emotional thing to communicate but it will happen. God gave them to me to shared at the appropriate time.I miss those who have gone before me and my heart is better having known them. They were courageous, God fearing, and good human beings I hope to see them on the day that the Lord calls me home.
Some info on my first healing…
I had a spontaneous healing by God in the third week of Dec 2010 while praying. I was working on a job site. My right knee and right shoulder were healed. I went to my doctor in January 2011 he asked about my shoulder, I had been in terrible pain for a long time but was afraid of the doctor, and surgery etc. My wife had to literally force me to go.
So on that day, my primary care doctor came in smiled and said nice to see you, hows that shoulder I said looking down I know this is going to sound weird but a few weeks ago i had a healing of the knee and shoulder while working and praying. He looked at me and said show me and I went on and showed the the painless movement he gently smiled, I said what do you think? He gave a great smile to me and said Praise God! For the first time I found out that my primary care provider was a believer which was wonderful but more importantly I realized for the first time I was so grateful to be healed (like I deserved it)? No, what I realized is that the honor should go right back to God. I had kept it quiet because i figured people would think that I was crazy. Up to that point I had not realized the magnitude of his gift. I did nothing but pray for me, my situation, business was slowing down etc and he responded. I guess if I am going into this story I should paint the picture and take you back to the night before the event and keep it factual. Because God is magnificent and the Holy Spirit is pushing me on to do so, here we go…
It was the third week of December 2010, Tuesday of that week…
Business was slowing a bit plus the seasonal lull, who wants workmen in their home right before Christmas. Thank God my brother Steve and sister in law Nancy did 🙂
Tuesday, I loaded all of my painting and decorating materials into my vehicle and it was not easy my shoulder was humming. That evening I told my wife I was going over to Steve house to work the next day. I was doing a large amount of work, all raw plaster miles of ceiling’s, all new walls and trim. My wifes response was thats good then she said how can you do all this work with your shoulder? I said, I don’t know? I said we need the money . I said God’s just going to have to get me through. You have to realize that I could not even sleep good at that time. At night I would lift my arm above my head while sleeping all the time which only damaged my shoulder more. We even discussed strapping my arm to my side while in bed to stop myself from doing this. So, Wednesday morning rolled around and I got out of bed and off I went to my brothers home. I went trip by trip carrying and unloading back and forth until everything was out of my car. I said hello to Nancy’s mom who was upstairs to let her know that it was only me.
I proceeded into the work zone and had to sand everything with my extension pole,I do mean everything! To me it had to be perfection. They deserved it, like everyone I ever was blessed to work with.
December 2010 was the winter of never ending snow if you remember. I was working in one of the areas where there was a bank of windows and as I was working the radio was playing and Christmas music was on, I gazed out the window onto the gorgeous lanscape of the abundance of snow and its beauty. I remember thanking God, for the blessing of this job and my heart was filled with such graditude. The next thing that happened as God as my witness is as follows,
I was looking with my head out the window and heard in my head the word shoulder. I looked up stunned and realized both of my hands were above my head sanding the ceilings. i had an extension pole which requires both hands to do this. I had been working for around 3 hours at this pont, with no pain and did not even notice, very strange. I said Oh…… And a serge went from my feet to my head 3 times the last time the breathe was knocked out of my body like an estacy, I felt overwhelming love and then took my good hand and began to rub my bad shoulder that did not hurt anymore, my knee was not grinding nor was it swollen. I cried and ran the stairs to share with Nancy’s mom Madeline. She was busy doing the rosary at the time. I was in the place where God wanted me that day, I was in a very prayerful place personally and my heart was pouring out graditude and praise to my creator. He ansered my prayers more that I could ever have imagined. I had a lot of pain for a long time and I am glad to have had that gift of suffering because I grew and learned the word surrender.I also learned from my master a love that is not of this world.
If you could please for pray for
Lacey and her family lost their father who was a believer a very wonderful man. . He was battling cancer.
Also,
Please , keep in your prayers also a young man Steve who died tragically. I got word this morning. He was a wonderful man from a great family.
My illness took me, a type A personality who never stopped and alterered my whole reality and my identity of who I was to myself, my family and the world. I went from super dooer to a person who relied on everyone especially my wife and kids, family and many friends for the majority of my daily needs. I remember the personal guilt of feeling as is if I failed my family and those who relied on me at that time. My mom and dad included. The fact that I could not work, and am still not to this date, had really weighed on me . All the desires on my behalf of getting out of here have fallen short do to my slow but steady progress of recovery and the rebounding energy drain from treatment etc. I am a Roman Cathoilc by my parents choice at baptism, by the sacrament of Holy Communion , Confirmation etc. Having said that, I do believe is at some time in everyone’s life we are all born again. What I am trying to convey however clumby it may be is this. To me God, My personal God is waiting for us to personally meet him with a heart that yearns for him. I had always done the works before I had cancer. When I was a very young child I was a paperboy. On Thursday evenings I would go out deliver my evening route and collect the money from the customers, hopefully with a tip.:) I am guessing I was nineish. On Glen Ave in Arlington I had a number of clients, one inparticular has stayed in my heart and mind all theses years. Her name was Esther Sullivan. She lived in a second flloor apartment of a two family home. i would go up to her door ring the bell and there would be a buzz and the door would up lock for me. it was like Star trec or something. She could not do stairs easily anyway so, I would bring her paper up to her and her siamese cat would hiss at me.i though he was scary and exciting. His name was Tao. But, I digress. lol So anyways, during my visits. I would carry things in the kitchen because she was by herself and i wanted to. I began to spend a few more minutes there just talking to her about what ? maybe worms :)I then began to wash her kitchen floor her, I then went home and told my mom about Esther or in that day Mrs. Sullivan 🙂 My mom was making a cake at the time so I said mom can you make a little cake out of a small chicken pot pie tin, she was very compliant with my request and taada, Esther was getting a small cake weekly delivered in my mail bag on my stingray bike. The bottom line to this saga is this as a child our love and innocense guides so much. it is like the right thing to do is easily less complicated. Were just guided by God’s goodness and the Holy Spirit. As I got older personally doing good works and deeds became also combined with the fun of the crowd social aspect etc. Sorry was it really for God? The jury is still out. During my time here in a recliner ,I have had a lot of time to evaluate everything, not by emotion but by the Gold standard God, his teaching, commandments and what is this whole thing about meaning life. I do not know all the answers, i suspect I never will but I know the most important thing. God! He call us to love eachother the way that he loves us. God wants us to go to him for forgiveness , in my case that would be the confessional. because, I have learned that I need to forgive myself what i felt was my failure by getting sick and altering my whole families world. through my prayer, my confessional visits and a wonderful Priest, God has healed much more of my life that my body, my Spirit is awake and aware and the vision of myself as danny the person can love himself a lot more and accept that i did not bring this on myself. neither did God but he getting me through it one way or the other. He is the boss! He doing the very same for you all and always has. Well, One day I made my way to Esthers stairway rang the bell and there was no response after a few minutes, a man opened the screen door on the first floor and I said i was looking for mrs. Sullivan and he said she does not live here anymore. I still miss her today.Some times I wonder If she was sent as an angel into my life to see if I would respond to God’s calling. On a kind of sillier note I hope she was allowed to eat sugar and my little cakes were not leathal. Well in closing in Danny’s world here, I have made an effort whoever clumbsy to find God and it took diagnosis day when the Good Shepperd met me where I was at. We need to work our faith and pray even when we cannot feel anything. God will not fail to respond. And furthermore he will always meet us in the moment. Here is here. Feel the breeze on your face look at the beauty of a baby that you encounter it is that easy.
Just Danny Speaks 