I have come to understand fear. I have never felt fear to a degree that I have been stopped literally in my tracks until about 2 weeks ago.. I now know it’s power.
Fear is not of God It is in my case an emotional thought run a muck. I triggered the reaction in myself about two weeks ago. I wrote about an incident I had while at the track when I was walking where I was so angry with myself about being negative plus being sick of my situation that I pushed myself to the point of nearly falling. It was only by the grace of God that my daughter showed up in that moment to assist me.
Well, as I have found since that occasion I am finding it extremely difficult to walk in areas that I have walked before. I fill with fear and freeze in place. So, I have found myself having to stop and remember the fact that I can walk and that I will be okay. My sister in law witnessed my freezing up while walking to the car and just said c’mon you ‘ll be fine. I was out with my wife and it happened again. I know what caused my traumatic memory, me. The fact that I was walking fast and was angry with myself and the extreme feeling of trying to stay standing with no one around me left a bad trauma in my memory which effected my psyche.
I ended up making my way to where I needed to go but it was sheer will that got me through.
I have never dealt with fear like this before so perhaps I needed this in my life so I could fully comprehend what it is and what some people live with on a daily basis.
Fear in my case is senseless because around my home and other places that I frequent I walk around normally. its just in new areas that are unknown to me
I know one thing I am going to face this fear and get this behind me. In my case it is my faith and the true reality of the fact that, I am okay that will get this lie to leave my mind and emotions and allow me to contunue the walking and healing of this body. Amen.
Fear is an emotion induced by a threat perceived by living entities, which causes a change in brain and organ function and ultimately a change in behavior, such as running away, hiding or freezing from traumatic events. Fear may occur in response to a specific stimulus happening in the present, or to a future situation, which is perceived as risk to health or life, status, power, security, or, in the case of humans, wealth or anything held valuable. The fear response arises from the perception of danger leading to confrontation with or escape from/avoiding the threat (also known as the fight-or-flight response), which in extreme cases of fear (horror and terror) can be a freeze response or paralysis.
When the fear came upon me my entire left side froze like stone. I have left side weakness and have tone issues with the side. I could not breathe either. yet, when pulled forward, I moved through it.
I found this good little explanation of what fear is and does.
After watching this video again I am amazed at how much his description and experience are similar to mine and perhaps yours too.
I have been in a process of discovery, learning a lot of bodily motions all over again. From balance through movement. It is a long 1″ at a time victory. I have been called a slow motion miracle. As I have said before I am grateful to God and everyone that has assisted and prayed for me.Thank you and God Bless You. 🙂
I do not write or talk too much about my wife. She is a sweet, quiet private person. I will say this though I absolutely could not have been given a better gift of a wife. Without her I would not have made it through this whole ordeal. She has carried my family and has done so with such beauty and grace. Now she will kill me for writing about her but I needed to give her the credit and God the glory of his goodness to me, my children and our friends.
You know, this morning after prayer I sat down to work on this blog and began to write after 3o minutes or so I hit the delete button. It was not my typical writing and was junk. So , I decided that I would just forget about the posting today.
A short while later I visited my draft folder and found an untitled draft with this song link that I saved a long time ago. I am talking nearly a year ago.
The writing that I scrapped earlier today was based somewhat on a very special sense of God’s presence in my prayer early this morning while I was in bed. I was having a difficult time quantifying how beautifully safe I was feeling as I was praying for all the sick, those who died and everyone’s needs. I felt and saw a visible light that enveloped me for a few moments. When I tried to write earlier about this account I just went in circles trying to describe it.
And then I found this song tucked away. How fitting.
Just a closer walk with thee. Patsy Cline and Willie Nelson
You know, one of the most important thing That I do weakly is to get to church. I love my parish family and we help oneanother simply by being present. I try to attend the same mass as much as possible because I want to see those who share their life journeys with me as I share mine with them. They make my week complete.
Back around 12 years ago I was listening to Father Martin H. from St. Basils give a talk at the center in Methuen.
He is a Holy and good man who is brilliant in his perception of life and his ability to deliver a message of love to his flock.
People were going to his mass and not to their own parishes. He said I love to see you all here but you need to be present in your own communities as well. He went on further to say God has you there for a reason. You are called to be Christ there as well. And, he was 100 percent right. Fathers church is packed at the center for Monday night liturgy. But we need to be present on the weekends if not daily to be part of our own parish communities. We are the salt and the light.
If we are not there who will be. A community needs dedicated members to lift each other up. Life is beautiful but it is a challenge nonetheless.
How we should all live………
AND,
Witness God, every moment, you never know who’s watching or Who God may save. 🙂 Amen.
I have had alot of great witnesses in my life. Bricks in my foundation. Thats why I believe in Faith, God and Miracles….
And, Here I sit in this moment. Amen.
Not because of who I am! but Because Of Who He Is. Amen !!!!!!
real faith- brian free and assurance video.wmv_0001.wmv
What a beautiful group . God Bless them in their ministry !
I do a lot of different prayers during the week. This is one of the prayers I do a whole lot, it is so beautiful, Peaceful and you are all in my prayers for all of your needs when I do. God knows who you are, and what you need . I purchased this DVD years ago. It has built my faith and trust in our Lord with wonderful prayer and song. Its is beautiful. So relaxing. My dad as I said in the past blog brought The Divine Mercy Chaplet to our home.
The life of St. Faustina Very Beautiful
The Divine Mercy Chaplet Generations Unite in prayer part 1 of 3
The Divine Mercy Chaplet Generations Unite in prayer part 2 of 3
The Divine Mercy Chaplet Generations Unite in prayer part 3 of 3
I had just completed surgery at the Lahey Clinic, the awake surgery as it is called. I did very well by the grace of God only. The doctor addressed me and then stepped out to tell my wife and daughter that things went well. He told her what he had told me. I was taken up to a room shortly thereafter. I went to the restroom in my room and got into bed. remember, I had no surgical meds in me so I felt great and was busy with my family coming in and out visiting me. I had a tv on the swivel arm it was a whole new world to me. lol I know my nephew Stevie when he was in the hospital some time ago told his parents he wanted one for his room at home . Kids are the best!
I ate dinner, and relaxed, I ordered my family to go home 🙂 My wife was exhausted and I felt great. So they agreed and I was left with the tv, it had a radio too lol. My cell phone was sitting on the little table. I got quiet and began to pray and reflect on the day. The doctors and nurses where in and out and there was nothing to report. Everything was hunkey dorey. 🙂 Well my cell rang at around 730 ish, I am guessing it was and My friend who happens to be a Catholic deacon and lives in the big apple said , Danny how are you? I responded never better, So I told him what had happened that day and he said just amazing, Dan what your telling me is just reinforcing my faith so much. He understands this is not the norm and he works in the medical field. So, I hung up with my friend and began to pray my rosary once again and I received a text. One thing that I have come to understand is that God is working Spiritually on every one of us literally every second that we are here on Earth. The only requirement on our account is to work at our personal relationship with him. God has perfect timing after all he is the author of life. This next account would give anybody shivers.
So, I am laying their minding my own p and q’s as my mom would say. I get a text hey danny, how are you ?
I responded hi how are you ? I am doing great!
she responded can I call ? I said sure
One other point that I would like to share before I continue is that the only reason that my friend at this time had my cell # is that we worked together. I had changed jobs into her department and schedules were staggered for arrival time and I felt bad she was juggling two boys and work. I had offered to come in on all of her 5 am shifts and cover for her, For the record she never took me up on the offer, she gets things done. We also never spoke outside of work. You see God knew that she needed that number for just this moment! So she had it and I had her in my address book, I do not answer calls that I do not recognize.
My phone rang, I answered and she said Danny, did you end up having surgery? I said yes, and that I was in the hospital overnight . I said, God has it, I feel great…
Now some background on how I met this person. Because of the slowing economy one year prior to my diagnosis which would have been the spring of 2011 I took a job at a local Home Depot part time to close the gap and to try and stay ahead of our monthly expenses here. I would be up at 330am and punch in before 5 am. I would work until 10 am , then go off to my clients homes to complete their work usually working to around 7pm. Speaking as a man, I have always believed that a father has to lead his family by example, so work and sacrafice should be the norm. My father witnessed that to me and is the finest man I know. And finally, by nature of my Catholic Faith, I am called by God to lead my family Spiritually.morally and ethically. God does have a standard. It does not mean that I have always hit that mark but God knows, I do try.
Let me state for the record my wife always lead with me, and when I was at my weakest SHE took everything over ! So women can do exactly what a man does without the ego of course! LOL, I don’t think I’m getting back any of that power back either! So funny! she is small but fiesty. xoxo
Well, during my time at home depot I met so many wonderful people from all walks of life. I met a very nice person , I/we value her as a wonderful family friend now. This person worked side by side with me at work for the last think about 4- 6 months or so while I was at home Depot prior to my illness. She has/had a really protective shell, she is very bright, witty,smart and tough. I am easy going but agreesive in sales and I love to work. My typeA personality really shows up. I honesty love working with people and love to fulfill the clients needs. To give them more than they barganed for so they will build on that relationship with me. You have to be sincere all the times. So, things were tough a lot of people there were having their own worries, doesn’t everybody? I would walk around the building on breaks and connect with others supporting them, offering my prayers. Their we’re lovely people there doing the same for me.
My friend, foe at that time called me Danny sunshine or something to that effect. She called me a phony on more than one occasion. I just did notlet it bother me. I was always giving it up for God and would tell everyone offer up the stuff and suffering. She would say to me ,you piss me off. LOL . I would laugh with my co workers and say, you love me, she would snap no, I don’t. You know what, I appreciated that she was /is authentic she said what she felt and that was great, I said God tells me different. So this continued for a few months, I was always hugging everybody, it my nature and way anyway. She saw me with clients in action. You have to practice what you preech, people are watching and listening. As a matter of fact, I feel that if a person is phony with people and proclaim that they are God fearing that this action not only does harm your relationship with God and our soul but this action can also destroy what people who are searching for God the opportunity of meeting God through you! I believe that we are accountable for our failures of not helping others. We are the fisher of men after all.
So any way this person and I really ended up having a good relationship at work, I loved her for who she was and respected her. She could not figure me out and thought I was nuts and that too was fine with me. 🙂
God had ordained this situation for us both to learn. And, back to the account , She calls, and we are speaking about surgery and she broke out in the most beautiful deeply routed tears from her soul, it is called a healing, another miracle as far as I am concerned.. She continued to cry, and said you don’t understand Danny its because of you that I believe in God. You told me that you had to go through this and were not afraid, I can’t believe, well any way that conversation was beautiful and we hung up. I sat there on my bed and said oh, I still have not finished my prayers yet . I said a special prayer for my friend. With that my cell phone slipped on to the floor so I did what any brain surgery patient would do, I rolled onto my side stretched down to the floor to retreve it. How stupid that was now that I am remembering it but, it was for a purpose. after I finished my prayers I thought of my friend and I had a message from God for her, It was now around after 9:00. I sent a text hey-, I just finished the rosary and before you go to bed tonight say a special prayer to God,The Holy Spirit and the Blessed Mother ask them to reveal to you that they are in the moment with you.They will.
She called right back saying OMG. As, I sent the text she was on the knee’s beside her bed asking for God’s presence she had not done this for years, so my text and her action proved that God and heaven were indeed there in that exact moment. Joy burst her heart . and she was on the road again towards the cross. Our God is an Awesome God! He loves us all so much 🙂
Finally believe it or not…..
A man came into my room at around 10 ish, I was suppose to be in a slumber by now. But, I was still going strong. I guess you could say that I was God strong. 🙂 He said, hi I hope I am not disturbing you, I said no. He said he was the head Chaplin. I said oh that’s good could I get the Eucharist please, he apologized and said he was not Catholic, I said okay:) So he said can we speak? I said sure , he grabbed the chair and sat beside me. He said there are a lot of people who are talking. They are upset, patients, staff here etc, can you tell me what happened earlier downstairs, what they had witnessed. I said nothing, I had surgery and smiled. That is the moment that God through the switch on in my head to realize what God was truely doing through me. I declared to him that it was God, and we spoke for a few more minutes about the events. He thanked me and gave me a Blessing and he left.
As a side note, a few months later a women approached me in my church who is a eucharistic minister at Lahey and said her boss, the one I was talking to that night had been speaking about my witness to him and she said I know him. You see we are all connected.
I will be putting a very special psalm onto my blog in the next day or so . God revealed this psalm to me nearly three years ago in writings I had done in the Holy Spirit. It makes all the peices of our lives fall togeather. We really have no worries.
The day after surgery, I got up put the shower cap on to protect my wound and hopped into the shower, all by my onesies, I survived but the nurse said, I should of just let know. oops That does make since but then again, I felt so well. I was going to be discharged and the bride was coming to get me.lol
I ate my breakfast, watched the news, the team of doctors came in and one was a women she was so lovely her presence was very kind. I am guessing she was assisting the doctor or surgeon the day before in the OR. You know with the gowns , breath masks and hats it is hard to deceifer who is who .lol
What happened next is the gospel truth,
The doctors came in and they were assessing me, and I said I don’t think I can go back to what I was doing before. ( meaning work) because, I realized my left side was effected and I said do you think that there might be a job here somewhere for someone like me? I need to make money, and I want to help others, they all looked shocked, I had surgery not 24 hours before but God is hope, God is our protector the Holy Spirit was helping me look forward by his grace to a future and I was not living my diagnosis!
She started to get emotional and said, I told my husband last night what happened in the hospital yesterday. Then she said excuse me and left the room. She came back from her office with some information that I could look into, she said you can’t think about work right now you have to fight this illness thats what matters. I thanked them , God Blessed them and they departed the room. I sat on the bed my wife was there by my side the whole time. After a short while the nurse came in with my discharge instructions. He was a very kind person also and after I signed the discharge papers and he hugged me , I thanked him and said God Bless You , he hugged me again and said no one wanted me to leave. What God was doing through my illness was showing his glory. People were not responding to me. What they were responding to was the Spirit of God it is just that simple.
God Bless You All!:)
Danny
p.s, I am taking a couple of days away from the blog to recharge, God’s time.
Just Danny Speaks 