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The Love Of My Mom. Her love for God and Her Miracle Part Three

10 Wednesday Sep 2014

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I wanted to continue with my writing for my mom today. Part two was on Sept 4ths blog. The Saint Agnes Band was a large part of our lives growing up. We had attended the school as well. Some of us went on to Arlington Catholic too . It was a great life.

One of the best parts was that my mom and dad were present in our lives. My dad managed the equipment truck and trained other fathers to get their bus liscences, so that the band members and color guard could get back and forth from parades and competitions. Like I said, my dad was everyone’s dad in the band and they loved him. He loved all the kids too. I would like to remember also in this moment my fathers assistant in the equipment van Mr. Callahan. My dad loved this man as did all of the kids in the band. He was awesome:) He went to the Lord some time ago, God Bless Him too.

My mom was always in the stands with all kinds of food, extra sandwiches etc. When we came off the field of competition, we would change out of our uniforms and get our street clothes on and off we would go into the stands to find her. Each one of us ( her)   kids had extra kids( friends) with us.lol  We were all hungry and my mother was accustomed to that fact 🙂 and had sandwiches and stuff for them too.  She also had jugs of homemade pink leomonade too.If my mom ran out Mrs. H was there with her food and was good for potato chips and chips ahoy cookies too.:)

In the band we would wear uniforms on the parade route and in competition. The uniforms  had wool pants, Satin tops and a cumberbund wrapped  around the middle..  It was topped off by a band drum style hat with a neck strap.We all wore white bucks (shoes) as well.

It could be 100 degrees in a parade or competition and we survived wearing those uniforms. The bottom line is this, we would roll in on the buses sometimes at 11:00 at night at the parking lot from a competition and needed to be back the next morning ready, uniformed and ready to go back out in competition once again or on a parade route somewhere. The uniforms needed to be laundered and ironed. The judges took points off  of our score if things were not perfect. A lot of parents were not engaged with their kids or were unable to be there to  support their kids. So, the kids were upset because they’re uniforms would not be ready for the next morning. It was a big deal.  So My mom, Mrs. R said don’t worry honey, give them to me I will have them ready in the morning. Remember, my mom had 5 kids and worked full time. But you see, she saw a need and offered it up and got the job done. She made those kids feel special, and they were. She was a brick in their foundation as was my dad. I can remember her standing in the kitchen in front of that ironing board ironing one satin shirt after another. They were ready for the judges 🙂 She even carried Kiwi white shoe polish in her bag and was touching kids shoes up, nice and white.

 

My mom’s ilness, She was a Miracle and also showed the Doctors , staff  of several institutions that, God is for real.

 

As I wrote in the past blog about my mom, C.O.P.D. progressed to emphysema and the ability of my mom to go out ,to walk stairs etc was very much diminished. She lived with a constant sense that she could not get breathe into her lungs. She very rarely complained but we understood her daily struggle. She was not going to bring her family down. She was partnered with Christ in his suffering. Like my mother would always say.

4 or so years ago in around June  2010 I think it was ? My mom went into the hospital at Mt Auburn in Cambridge her breathing was reduced even further and she was found to have a 4 to 5 inch tumor attached to her lung, behind her heart and it was obtructing the airway out from the lung. It was found to be inoperable, plus given her very poor respritory system she could not have anesthesia. Because of her strong resolve, faith and fight for life her Dr. R who was her primary for 30 plus years advocated that she should be allowed to try a plan to attack this tumor, my mom was well aware of its dangers and we all supported her and my dads decision in this matter.

She was treated by a wonderful Cancer and respritory  Dr. S from  Mt Auburn Hosp. He is a brain cancer survivor too. She under went chemo and very targeted radiation treatment for the cancer, for the tumor etc and when they were done the tumor still remained. She came home and was home a few days and radiation pneumonitis set in she was rushed into the hospital and ended up in Mt Auburns ER  after she found to be non- responsive at her home. That particular morning, My neice, dad,brother and sister were watching her, and saw a difference in her that they never witnessed before. An ambulance was called, right away.

At the ER, things looked very grimm. we were all there.  She was being given a lot of support she was filled with carbon dioxide , it is called I  think,  black death. It is when you breathe in and cannot expell the carbon diaoxide out of the lungs and body,  so you will get sleepy, your brain and other vital organs can de deprived of oxygen and eventually you will pass away without intevention. Even with help, it is very dicey. The staff ushered the whole family into a room and brought us food and gave us some gentle words of support.  Very beautiful.

 

My mom  was moved up to the Intensive care unit and she was put onto a ventilator,  by her choice, she was not done yet with her Earthly journey . She was there for a good seems like 1 and a half to  2 months if my memory serves me. My father was there everyday before 5 a.m. and stood by here because she would open her eyes and look at him at that time, he was not going to dissappoint her .Asside from that, she just slept a whole lot. He would take her hand and say, Its okay bobby, I am here just keep it in neutral.( Don’t Worry), You are going to get better. He stood there and prayed with her. All day long. All of the family would stream in and out of her ICU bed space and tell my dad to go sit down, food was being brought in by my sister, brother etc for him. We would make a prayer chain around her bed. Dr’s and nurses walked by and just watched the family through the glass windows and witnessed  God in action. Eventually my mom was moved to a regular room at Mt Auburn to get her ready to transition her to  Spaulding Cambrige Street Cambridge because her Dr. R  ran the Vent department there.  Again, God was handling everything.

At this time , It was about 6 months before I suddenly became ill with my Gleo, so I was able to be there a whole lot. Which I am so grateful for. It is what live is all about. Love, support and being there. Very Simple 🙂

 

I will continue with this account shortly.

God Bless You All,

Danny

 

My mom loved this song I am sure she was thinking of my dad when she listened to it and sang it  🙂 xoxo

Bette Midler Wind beneath my wings

enjoy 🙂

Bette Midler From a Distance.

 

 

God Takes over part two

30 Wednesday Jul 2014

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I had just completed surgery at the Lahey Clinic, the awake surgery as it is called. I did very well by the grace of God only. The doctor addressed me and then stepped out to tell my wife and daughter that things went well. He told her what he had told me. I was taken up to a room shortly thereafter. I went to the restroom in my room and got into bed. remember, I had no surgical meds in me so I felt great and was busy with my family coming in and out visiting me. I had a tv on the swivel arm it was a whole  new world to me. lol  I know my nephew Stevie when he was in the hospital some time ago told his parents he wanted one for his room at home . Kids are the best!

I ate dinner, and relaxed, I ordered my family to go home 🙂 My wife was exhausted and I felt great. So they agreed and I was left with the tv, it had a radio too lol. My cell phone was sitting on the little table. I got quiet and began to pray and reflect on the day. The doctors and nurses where in and out and there was nothing to report. Everything was hunkey dorey. 🙂 Well my cell rang at around 730 ish, I am guessing it was and My friend who happens to be a Catholic deacon and lives in the big apple said , Danny how are you?  I responded never better, So I told him what had happened that day and he said just amazing, Dan what your telling me is just reinforcing my faith so much. He understands this is not the norm and he works in the medical field.  So, I hung up with my friend and began to pray my rosary once again and I received a text. One thing that I have come to understand is that God is working Spiritually on every one of us literally every second that we are here on Earth. The only requirement on our account is to work at our personal relationship with him. God has perfect timing after all he is the author of life. This next account would give anybody shivers.

So, I am laying their minding my own p and q’s as my mom would say.  I get a text hey danny, how are you ?

I responded hi  how are you ? I am doing great!

she responded can I call ? I said sure

One other point that I would like to share before I continue is that the only reason that my friend at this time had my cell # is that we worked together. I had changed jobs into her department and schedules were staggered for arrival time and I felt bad she was juggling two boys and work. I had offered to come in on all of her 5 am shifts and cover for her, For the record she never took me up on the offer, she gets things done. We also never spoke outside of work. You see God knew that she needed that number for just this moment! So she had it and I had her in my address book, I do not answer calls that I do not recognize.

My phone rang, I answered and she said Danny, did you end up having surgery? I said yes, and  that I was in the hospital overnight . I said, God has it,  I feel great…

Now some background on how I met this person.   Because of the slowing economy one year prior to my diagnosis which would have been  the spring of 2011  I took a job at a local Home Depot part time to close the gap and to try and stay ahead of our monthly expenses here. I would be up at 330am and punch in before 5 am. I would work until 10 am , then go off to my clients homes to complete their work usually working to around 7pm. Speaking as a man, I have always believed that a father has to lead his family by example, so work and sacrafice should be the norm. My father witnessed that to me and is the finest man I know. And finally, by nature of my Catholic Faith, I am called by God to lead my family Spiritually.morally and ethically. God does have a standard. It does not mean that I have always hit that mark but God knows, I do try.

Let me state for the record my wife always lead with me, and when I was at my weakest SHE took everything over ! So women can do exactly what a man does without the ego of course! LOL, I don’t think I’m getting back any of that power back either! So funny! she is small but fiesty. xoxo

Well, during my time at home depot I met so many wonderful people from all walks of life. I met a very nice person ,  I/we value her as a wonderful family friend now. This person worked side by side with me at work for the last  think  about 4- 6 months or so while I was at home Depot prior to my illness. She has/had  a really  protective shell, she is very bright, witty,smart and tough. I am easy going but agreesive in sales and I love to work. My typeA personality really shows up. I honesty love working with people and love to fulfill the clients needs. To give them more than they barganed for so they will build on that relationship with me. You have to be sincere all the times. So, things were tough a lot of people there were having their own worries, doesn’t everybody? I would walk around the building on breaks and connect with others supporting them, offering my prayers. Their we’re lovely people there doing the same for me. 

My friend, foe at that time called me  Danny sunshine or something to that effect. She called me a phony on more than one occasion. I just did notlet it bother me. I was always giving it up for God and would tell everyone offer up the stuff and suffering. She would say to me ,you piss me off. LOL . I would laugh with my co workers and say, you love me, she would snap no, I don’t. You know what, I appreciated that she was /is authentic she said what she felt and that was great, I said God tells me different. So this continued for a few months, I was always hugging everybody, it my nature and way anyway. She saw me with clients in action. You have to practice what you preech, people are watching and listening. As a matter of fact, I feel that if a person is phony with people and proclaim that they are God fearing that this action not only does harm  your relationship with God and our soul but this action can also destroy what people who are searching for God the opportunity of meeting God through you! I believe that we are accountable for our failures of not helping others. We are the fisher of men after all.

So any way this person and I really ended up having a good relationship at work, I loved her for who she was and respected her. She could not figure me out and  thought I was nuts and that too was fine with me. 🙂

God had ordained this situation for us both to learn. And,  back to the account , She calls, and we are speaking about surgery and she broke out in the most beautiful deeply routed tears from her soul, it is called a healing, another miracle as far as I am concerned.. She continued to cry, and said you don’t understand Danny its because of you that I believe in God. You told me that you had to go through this and were not afraid, I can’t believe, well any way that conversation was beautiful and we hung up. I sat there on my bed and said oh, I still have not finished my prayers yet . I said a special prayer for my friend.  With that my cell phone slipped on to the floor so I did what any brain surgery patient would do, I rolled onto my side stretched down to the floor to retreve it. How stupid that was  now that  I am remembering it but, it was for a purpose. after I finished my prayers I thought of my friend and I had a message from God for her, It was now around  after 9:00. I sent a text hey-, I just finished the rosary and before you go to bed tonight say a special prayer to God,The Holy Spirit and the Blessed Mother ask them to reveal to you that they are in the moment with you.They will.

She called right back saying OMG. As, I sent the text she was on the knee’s beside her bed asking for God’s presence she had not done this for years, so my text and her action proved that God and heaven were indeed there in that exact moment. Joy burst her heart . and she was on the road again towards the cross. Our God is an Awesome God! He loves us all so much 🙂

Finally believe it or not…..

A man came into my room at around 10 ish,  I was suppose to be in a slumber by now. But, I was still going strong.  I guess you could say that I was God strong. 🙂 He said, hi I hope I am not disturbing you, I said no. He said he was the head Chaplin. I said oh that’s  good could I get the Eucharist please, he apologized and said he was not Catholic, I said okay:) So he said can we speak? I said sure , he grabbed the chair and sat beside me. He said there are a lot of people who are talking. They are upset, patients, staff here etc, can you tell me what happened earlier downstairs, what they had witnessed.  I said nothing, I had surgery and smiled. That is the moment that God through the switch on in my head to realize what  God was truely doing through me. I declared to him that it was God, and we spoke for a few more minutes about the events. He thanked me and gave me a Blessing and he left.

As a side note, a few months later a women approached me in my church who is a eucharistic minister at Lahey and said her boss, the one I was talking to that night had been speaking about my witness to him and she said I know him. You see we are all connected.

I will be  putting a very special psalm onto my blog in the next day or so . God revealed this psalm to me nearly three years ago in writings I had done in the Holy Spirit. It makes all the peices of our lives fall togeather. We really have no worries.

The day after surgery, I got up put the shower cap on to protect my wound and hopped into the shower, all by my onesies, I survived but the nurse said, I should of just let know. oops  That does make since but then again, I felt so well. I was going to be discharged and the bride was coming to get me.lol

I ate my breakfast, watched the news, the team of doctors came in and one was a women she was so lovely her presence was very kind. I am guessing she was assisting the doctor or surgeon the day before in the OR. You know with the gowns , breath masks and hats it is hard to deceifer who is who .lol

What happened next is the gospel truth,

 

The doctors came in and they were assessing me, and I said I don’t think I can go back to what I was doing before. ( meaning work) because, I realized my left side was effected and I said do you think that there might be a job here somewhere for someone like me? I need to make money, and I want to help others, they all looked shocked, I had surgery not 24 hours before but God is hope, God is our protector the Holy Spirit was helping me look forward by his grace to a future and I was not living my diagnosis!

She started to get emotional and said, I told my husband last night what happened in the hospital yesterday. Then she said excuse me and left the room. She came back from her office with some  information that I could look into, she said you can’t think about work right now you have to fight this illness thats what matters. I thanked them , God Blessed them and they departed the room. I sat on the bed my wife was there by my side the whole time. After a short while  the nurse came in with my discharge instructions. He was a very kind person also and after I signed the discharge papers and he hugged me , I thanked him and said God Bless You , he hugged me again and said no one wanted me to leave. What God was doing through my illness was showing his glory. People were not responding to me. What they were responding to was the Spirit of God it is just that simple.

God Bless You All!:)

Danny

p.s, I am taking a couple of days away from the blog to recharge, God’s  time. 

Hillsong: Still

When you feel alone, even when you are in a crowd.

27 Sunday Jul 2014

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I was thinking over the last few days about all of the worry and thoughts that race through our minds. Have you ever been sitting there relaxing in a chair peacefully and then a thought or worry comes from left field you literally have to get up and walk it off. It used to happen to me me from time to time a couple of years ago. I was also able to happen to me while being in the midst of a gethering of some sort.  For me, it was usually based in business and family related issues.  It all stems from scheduling issues and trying to juggle work schedule with my wife and kids. On top of that my wife and I were helping with the care of her mom and dad. So, things were so busy. I could be in a chair one moment relaxing and a troubling thought or worry based emotion would throw me off the chair like a top. I would some times get out of the chair and try to walk it off. You also cannot run from your mind as I came to learn. These events would essentially make my brain freeze like an overload.( I know we all have them) I needed to get a grip on what was going on!  I think doing too much sometimes makes us feel good and successful. But in hein sight If back in that day I had been more rooted in God and was not trying to be all to everybody and save everbody that it would have been a healthier thing for myself and others. We need to trust in God. If, we are doing things from the heart then God is in it with us. But, we need to know his word, the bible before we can be successful. I was in so much personal pain and nobody really knew what was going on inside of me .Remember I was the face of an A personality. Everything was fine outwardly but inside I was burning out, I was mastering my ship onto the rocks. My drug of choice was food. it became my personal joke. The first one at the buffet table I would laugh but it really was not funny to me, it was shame with a laugh attached to it.

During my healing with this cancer illness and combined with writings I had done for my church. A  calling that I received from God  to sound a horn of a warning to the church and later an email chain from God to his people to turn back to him they were called love letters from God. It was also back at that time that I  began to be enlightened through the Spirit and learned more about who I am the good and the bad aspects.  I have to share it all in this blog as I said before this is my chance to tell God’s story of victory not just for me but for eachone of us personally. Some of the stuff that will come out with blog  is just so fantastic and  it is what it is, the glory of God.You see prior to 2012 and the onset of this illness I was under the wrong understanding of what helping others is all about. I did not realize what I was doing at the time but it was hurtful to myself, my family and yes even to those I thought I was helping.

I  came to realize after many years and once I began to write in the Holy Spirit that I cannot save anyone including myself. Jesus saves us. We are called to be Jesus to oneanother. We need to pray for eachother, support etc, but we also have to give everyone the diginity of their own decisions. We can show a way if asked to help someone  but cannot always drive them there. It is their free will choice. God knows where they are truely at, far better than we do.

God speaks of helping in one of his parables that you can show a man how to fish, but we are not required to feed them forever, meaning that he does want us to help and support them  but we cannot carry them forever. If they are not handicapped and are capable of course. They will never learn to find who they are in God for themselves. God gives everyone very special gifts of their own. Their is so much diginty that a person derives in taking on their destiny and seeing what God has in store for them! While I was playing God with these people they were carried and did not learn, I was handicapping them with love and assistance. It was when I hit the wall, and realized I could not do anymore that they were forced to get up and get on and find their way. My mom and dad would simply say to me you are doing too much! And, it was true, I was.  My wife was trying to stop me but again, me being me I had to learn for myself, I  needed to learn and  be humbled. What I did was done out of love but it was not done with the right understanding of God’s teaching. It also depleated me , exhausted my wife and made life messy.

My wife and I recently had the pleasure of having lunch with  very dear friends, our friend said that she kind of had to retreat from everyone but her family and husband. She was spent at the moment and needed to recharge. She too is a doer, and really tries to help out everyone. They have hearts of gold. So, God Bless them.

I had so many people as I said before in another writing say that I needed to tell this story.  Someone I was talking to a few months ago said Dan it can be a taxing process. So becareful you do not give too much of yourself up in the process. Hearing my friends the other day tell me of their need to slow it down, I understand it and see that what I have to share is my responcibility to help others but they are in fact work. I believe that is what God has ordained for me in this moment so if they do not come everyday they will come in God’s time, for God’s glory.

Well, back to the point 🙂

Like the old saying goes in every life some rain must fall. Today it is pouring out and I woke up happy to see it. Rain cleans and washes the enviornment and gives our plants grass trees and watershed water that is needed to keep things in balance.

I, like all of you need to be replenished by the rain in our lives, Just as Jesus was baptised in the river Jordan by John the Babtist . I too was babtised as a child in my parish at that time of St. Agnes in Arlington. We are one with Jesus.

About 10 or 12 years ago, I attended a meeting of the St Frances DeSalles Society at one of our friends homes. One of the teachings was to everyday when we shower to consider the water  to be a reminder of our baptism. I rededicate myself during that time to God and the HolySpirit everday in prayer that I say yes to do their will to the best of my ability.

With brotherly love,

Danny

Healing Rain

Michael W. Smith

 

 

 

 

Dana Farber Part two

24 Thursday Jul 2014

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That day of my ekg, lunch etc, Just as Dr. R had said his head nurse S, showerd up with pills at my next scheduled squeezed in appointment. She was around every corner. She is spectacular. I never had 1 concern, all day. I met with I believe my new  radiologist oncologist at Brigham and womens. Dr A , I called him the great!  He is  a young, compitent , kind and awesome doctor  with another superb team of of assistants. from his head nurse S and her assistant , R they treated every patient the same, amazingly.

I would be remis if I did not mention the lovely social worker. N who has been there since day 1 for us. Very Sweet and soft spoken but always professional and helpful.

I had to go in after my consult for either a scan or an MRI , I cannot remember which but they needed to map my brain so they could target the best way to eradicate the tumor with radiation.

The radiology staff  there where great. They have a lot to deal with daily and are responsible for making sure that every patient was comfortable and that their bodies were positioned just perfectly so that the equipment could target the desired location with radiation therapy and nothing more.  They try to only hit the target and not to kill any more healty cells. Quite a responsibility.

Next I went in and My Dr. A had a plaster mold mask made of my  face and head, a mold I guess you could call it. It was made of a plaster.Once the Drs decided the attack plan they mapped and programmed my treatment into their computers. I was ready to begin my radiation therapy on the tumor that I never accepted as mine thanks to Gods word. I had six weeks of radiations 5 days a week monday to friday.

I had it easy in my eye’s compared to my wife and family who took the brunt of the wear and tear, juggling schedules, work etc. Some driving miles to pick me up only to turn around and take me back in the other direction into Boston.  And then once again have to  drive me home from treatment. I would like to say again from the depths of my heart thank you for your sacrafice and constant love. You make life worth living. xo Many friends also offered to help me with rides etc. God in action for sure. Love to you all too.:)

My phantom mask, thats what I came to call  it ( again my sense of humor) , the plaster mask was now a strong perferated plastic mask that fit my face, skull and had snap locks that locked my entire head 100% in the exact position to the treatment bed so there were no slight movements possible.  BTW, I asked for that mask when I finished radiation, they said sure. I said I am a decorator so I will hang it on my wall. they laughed. It currently sit a plastic bag in my garage.

have learned in life that we have a laugh as much as possible. There is healing in laughter God created such a beautiful creation in us. Laughter, is truely a healthy thing it makes gray colorful. so I laugh all the time and try not to ever stop, sometimes it gets me in trouble and I have to hit the confessional. I remember as a kid reading Erma Bombeck she cracked me up. Remember If life is a bowl of cherries , why do I get all the pitts?

Radiation did not bother me physically for a while. And then, my left side arm and leg decided I am taking a break, see ya and I lost most movement and feeling. I also became very very tired Dr. R said I would and I did. On July 4th 2012, I went into the bathroom  while I was at my brother S  at his cookout. I dropped dropped something on the floor. I went to swat a little to get it off of the floor and realized as soon as I did this that it was a mistake. My image disappeared from the mirror as I took position on the floor quietly. Again, I am stubborn so I just laid there saying hum how do I fix this pickle I got myself into?lol  My brother realized that I was missing and came to the bathroom and inquired through the door, I responded I am fine, I am just here trying to get up. he came in and Still says he does know how he got me up by himself.As a closing remark, I has a chance to study the tile and decor and found it very beautiful . lol

 

I truely feel Blessed because I have the peace from God, my incredible wife, kids, family and so many wonderful friends love and support. Everyone rushing to our sides and everyone has lifted us up. The Spirit was and is so still so high. Life is hard at times but it is our families our faith and friends that get us through.

One  day in I guess it was maybe Sept ,2012  my family told me that they were going to gather here together at my home , something not uncommon for our family. You know, food, family it has alway’s worked for us.lol  My mom, dad, wife, kids, 3 brothers and my dear sister and all of those kids my brothers mother in law M where all here.  There were I guess around 20 people in the house. I was in my recliner, very tired but my Spirit was full of peace, my whole family was here! It was so nice.All of a sudden someone came down the hall behind me and was a dear friend and brother in Christ, A and he hugged me and kissed my cheak. He pulled up my desk chair and started to speak to me , what a surprise! i had not seen A for a while. I said to him what are you doing here and he said that he heard that I was not feeling well. He stated that  he was In the area and wanted to say hello. He gave me a Blessing and left. My brothers were sitting on the couch here in my familyroom  with my dad and one of my brothers said who was that?  And I told them. They were astonished by his presence he is a very good and Holy man. The Spirit of God just shines. God Bless A and his family.There were so many prayers being said for our needs that I swear to God you could feel them raining down on us. I still feel them to this very day. Our prayers for one another are the most powerful gifts that we have to give to help anyone.

So, A left and I was happy for the visit and prayer and blessing he gave me. A short while went by and My brother S had gotten up to leave the room and returned, he said Dan can you come in here. I was like ugh, I had no strength, and needed assistance to get down the hall. I went down the hall and turned the corner to the front hall. I could not figure out why I was being led there. What happened next is a Miracle no doubt!

My brother opened my front door, and what I saw was a little piece of  Heaven! Friends who are gifts from God had quietly converged on my quiet street on the side walk and lawn. They had candles on my front steps with the exception of the  top two.Their had to be at least 40 beautiful souls out there. They were holding candles in their hands.One of my brothers helped me out and led onto the the top landing and I sat against the left rail, They wrapped a blanket around me. Then Praise and Worship began, prayers songs, people were driving by and stopping, some people peered from their windows, and then one of our beautiful friends son came out from behind my pine tree and played amazing grace on his bag pipes. It was just so incredible. I remember, God gave me the message and I tearfully passed it on. ( joy was overflowing)   I said tonight is not about me. Thank you. God is healing so many of us right now and in what ever way we need to be healed.  I think my whole neighborhood was Blessed in that evening. God Bless all of our friends and of my home parish of St. Josephs and 2nd parish home in and retreat center of St Basils in Methuen.

My love to you all and  with God’s Blessings.

So anyway, ( I told you I am not an expert writer, back to the point! 🙂

I went to treatment for radiology of my tumor which was sitting over my central nervous system.I was losing ability rapidly which would explain why when I told Dr. R that I would come back next week,  it  would not have been a good choice on my part. The Doctor understood the whole picture, the process and short window for action, so thank God they pushed with love and concern If they had not, I mayu not be here in this moment.

I will give you the list of meds I was on as well. In the not too distant future so people especially who are going through anything similar will know what was used in my treatment. People ask me that question a whole lot. I know every treatment plan is different and there are always new trial med coming out . So the news is great for everyone! There is lots and lots of Hope!

Celtic Women. You Raise Me Up.

God Bless You, Your in my prayers alway’s,

Danny

 

 

From Lahey Clinic to Dana Farber part 1

22 Tuesday Jul 2014

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Off we went to Dana Farber for our second consult and my new and current Dr. Dr. R. When we arrived it was via wheel chair for me, we were brought into the exam room. Again, we felt nothing but warmth and compassion from everyone. There were a number of medical /clinical coats in the room standing against the wall, my wife, one of my brothers and my sister were present too. I had been helped up on top of the exam table and was sitting upright on the edge of the table my legs dangling down.( It is funny how life makes us at times feel like a little kid).

Dr. R knelt in front of me on one knee and put his hand on my knee and said we have looked at the reports and biopsy information from Lahey and said we agree with the diagnosis. Glio Blastoma multiforme grade 4, it is non surgical. What I realized as I look down into my doctors eyes from my table edge was that he was a truely compassionate and loving man. He did not make me look up while he was talking to me, he took a position kneeling so he could meet me where I was. I remember the peace of God as still just flowing over me and I announced to all of the staff there that God had told me that I had the cancer, cancer was not of God and that I did not own this cancer, I went on to say that God selected them in this time to help me through God’s medicine, God’s machines, and their hands with are the extension of Jesus Christ. we are all Spirit driven and we need to remember where  the Holy Spirit  is from. God! 🙂

I told them about my spontaneous healing in Dec, 2010 that was discussed with my primary care doctor in January 2011 during a physical. He has confirmed the event to be true. This experience that I am going to begin to share is going to be a bit long and I am finding now in this moment will truely be an excercise emotionally but I will continue in a number of writings because what has happened during this time sounds impossible and is astounding but it is also very true. Witnesses were everywhere during this time and nothing will ever be the same . God is revealing his presence in a very strong way with good reason. He wants a personal relationship with us.

So any way, My Dr R was kneeling down on one knee to comfort me, I announced the message God gave me and tears filled his eyes, I was so tired, I just wanted to go home. not upset like one would imagine I had no energy and just wanted to sleep. The team raced out of the room, and two seconds a women that I will refer to as My scottish friend came in as cool as a cuccumber and said Ok Danny the doctor wants me to get an ekg of your heart. I had been insisting on getting into my wheel chair. She gently laid me back onto the table my legs still dangling off of the table and off came the shirt, and on went the electrodes. She started the eeg and when finished helped me with my shirt. And off she went.  My family was  there all the while in that room with me. Its like the bible I always have witness or as I call the Riley clan with me lol  My scottish friend was rolling out of the room, I was being assisted into my wheel chair by my brother and my wife and Dr R’s head nurse S, came into the door closed it and stood with her back against it and said, We need you to stay, we have made calls and want to get more tests done while you are here. I said no, I said I am too tired and I do not have my afternoon medication, she tried to convince me and my family tried to get me to sway, I said thanks I will come back next week. She said okay and sprinted out of the room, I said c’mon lets go. We left the exam room, I sware to God I was leaning left in the chair, so weak. When all of a sudden I heard something and Dr. R was coming down the hall full seam ahead. I saw him look at my family and went to his knees once again, he put his hand on my left arm and said please Dan we want you to stay, I went through the whole I will come back next week thing , I don’t have my meds, my family had to go to work they have not eaten, I was tired. My family asserted once again that it was okay that they would call in to work. Dr R. said we have made all of the arrangements necessary and our radiologist at brigham and womens was staying as late as he had to accomodate me. He said we have all the medications you need in our unit we have meds for occasions like this he said okay:) Then he said why don’t you get a bite to eat and S, meaning his head nurse will see you in a while. I said okay and he patted my arm and smiled. It was yet another Miracle. There are mericales  like this happening daily in our hospitals and doctors offices, we are a Blessed country. and at times fail  to see them for what they are. God’s people are loving,compassionate and giving.

BTW, my ekg came back with a strange rythmn like there were two heart beats and that is because as my test was being done, and it was a stall tactic, my sister who was so devestated was holding my hand thus two heart beats . Just beauitful !

I am exhausted and need to stop for the moment. I will continue to write from this point tomorrow.

God Bless you, and thank you God for everything that give us all. Amen.

Chris Tomlin Thank you God for saving me

 

 

Amazing Grace

21 Monday Jul 2014

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Last night while lieing in bed my mind went through the days activities and assessed where God was in it . The moments that we learn  something or teach something to one another. Two of brothers and I were together for a brief  time  today to pay respects to a wonderful young man who tragically passed and his family. During our time together we discussed different things going on in our lives, this world, and our culture.

I finished my evening prayers, and laid there on the twilight edge of sleep and listened for Gods voice or word to inspire and soothe me. Well, he did but it had a hint of sadness to it which made me stir a bit.

God uses things that I understand to allow me to understand What he is saying in any given moment to me. It is the same for all of you as well.The Holy Spirit is working with us always. There is a response/ psalm that is used in  my church from time to time which stepped forth in my mind and I could hear it but the word and implication was different.

This is the whole  song version  , so it is longer than the verson we use at my church. It is haunting, and what God was saying to me last night was  why have so many in this world abandoneded him at the foot of the cross?   Is  it good that we wander off to face the wolves alone? I do not think so.  Life can be challenging.

here it is.

Responsorial Psalm 22:

Dandan Soy

 

God is our protection and there are forces darker in the world that would want us hopeless. I strongly feel that if had  not stayed stay at the foot of the cross with Jesus during my life It would have been impossible for God to heal me and build me up one again, my heart was open and hopeful.  Like a branch that falls from that the tree I would be dead not just physically but more importantly I believe that i would be eternally dead in my soul.

So, I needed to share this with you all.  I know it sounds heavy, but to me it is.

I want to always be honest in all my writing irregardless of how fantastic it sounds. bacause God  knows the hows,  why’s and whens. We just need to say yes.

Enjoy this next video, I love it

This video was shot in the ruins of the colisseum where meny Christians were killed by the lions just for amusement and because of their religious beliefs. Remember Daniel and the lion den?

Amazing Grace II Divo

my next blog will re in reference to Beginning treatment at Dana farber.

God Bless You ,

Danny

Sactus Real Something New.

20 Sunday Jul 2014

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Sanctus Real Something New

This song represents so many aspects of my life. Even a Cancer diagnosis as I said before has a silver lining too. I have done so much of what this song and lyrics say. Please look at the lyrics, we all need to purhaps hit the reset button. I know life has done that for me , and I thank God that I was blessed with the adversity that helped me to find my biggest treasure, namely God!

We are all works in progress daily. 🙂

 

For 2 years since my cancer diagnosis my recliner became my place, my prision whatever I deemed it to be moment by moment. As I accepted my new life not knowing if my chair would be permanent location until death do we part. lol  Sorry, I do have a dark sense of humor and it makes me laugh. 🙂

Well I am out of that chair a lot more more often now. It is just my redocking station now 🙂 Praise God!, and the mantra what am I going to do with my life? along with the prayer, God please give me a direction! I said God whatever you want, I will do. Just so long as it pleases you and helps others. I would  be so grateful.. This blog was over  2 years in the making of praying and waiting. Waiting as I came to understand is what God required me to learn before he could answer me. I have so many people, family ,friends and medical people tell me that I needed to share this story, blog, put pen to paper, write a book, whatever. I just felt who am I to do this?  Then I thought it is the truth and for God’s glory. So why would God not have me write of this?  I figured God was useing all of my friends, family and medical people to give me my answer that I had prayed for and to encourage me to step in and respond to his call. I know the writing is helping me to find things hidden in my mind like thoughts,memories,sorrows,love,shame. Do I like all of these things?, Not all of them! But, that is not the point. The point is stuff in the shadows that lirk and play havoc in our lives and our Spirits are not good and are not of God. They are evil and keep us in bondage. We can be healed from these things. Drag them out into the light of God’s presence, pray on them and God will bring the healing to them and you will be made a new creation. Secrets and hurts are cancer in our minds, souls and the Holy Spirit and as a result I believe our physical health suffers.The child inside does not have to anguish forever, we have an obligation to that child to find him and her peace and fix and heal the wounds of this lifes journey. We are the children of the light, we are called by God to radiate our love and faith to all we meet irregardless to our personal story or struggles. Perfection is not required just a heart that is willing to serve. It is in helping others that we are healed.. With healing of our inner child comes a whole host of benefits. We find peace, forgiveness, self love, and allow The Holy Spirit to work in us and through us in a very harmoniously way honoring God and validating his love to those who need him. People are attracted to a peaceful spirit.  I sincerely hope these writings resonate with all of my brothers and sisters out there and that you too can find the healing peace of our Lord Jesus Christ/ God. Amen. These writings are Spirit Driven, with my love and kinship with you all at its core.

You are all in my prayers for whatever your needs might be, God knows who you are and what you need. Please pray for my family and this world we all need them.:)

God Bless,

Danny

While I am Waiting

17 Thursday Jul 2014

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In my chair over the last two years, I have been in contact with so many people, many of which I have never met in person. Yet, the nature of our discussions cut direct to the quick as my mom used to say. I have more to share about my mom in another writing. She was a force to be wrecken with in a very good way. Like she would say, emmulated by some , surpassed by none, as she would  laugh. 🙂

I have prayed with them, shared with them and I truely believe that they helped to sustain me through what seemed like a very long winter. I in  return, hope that I was able to comfort them as well.  Some of them are still here with us and some have earned their reward and the Lord took them to a glory that I can only imagine.I do know it exists, God showed me glimpses of Heaven when I was at my sickest. Again, for another time they will be an emotional thing to communicate but it will happen. God gave them to me to shared at the appropriate time.I miss those who have gone before me and my heart is better having known them. They were courageous, God fearing, and good human beings I hope to see them on the day that the Lord calls me home.

Some  info on my first healing…

I had a spontaneous healing by God in the third week of Dec 2010 while praying.  I was working on a job site. My right knee and right shoulder were healed. I went to my doctor in January 2011 he asked about my shoulder, I had been in terrible pain for a long time but was afraid of the doctor, and surgery etc. My wife had to literally force me to go.

So on that day, my primary care doctor came in smiled and said nice to see you, hows that shoulder I said looking down I know this is going to sound weird but a few weeks ago i had a healing of the knee and shoulder while working and praying. He looked at me and said show me and I went on and showed the the painless movement he gently smiled, I said what do you think? He gave a great smile to me and said Praise God! For the first time I found out that my primary care provider was a believer which was wonderful but more importantly I realized for the first time I was so grateful to be healed (like I deserved it)?  No, what I realized is that the honor should go right back to God. I had kept it quiet because i figured people would think that I was crazy. Up to that point I had not realized the magnitude of his gift. I did nothing but pray for me, my situation, business was slowing down etc and he responded. I guess if I am going into this story I should paint the picture and take you back to the night before the event and keep it factual. Because God is  magnificent and the Holy Spirit is pushing me on to do so, here we go…

It was the third week of December 2010, Tuesday of that week…

 

Business was slowing a bit plus the seasonal lull, who wants workmen in their home right before Christmas. Thank God my brother Steve and sister in law Nancy did 🙂


  Tuesday, I loaded all of my painting and decorating materials into my vehicle and it was not easy my shoulder was humming. That evening I told my wife I was going over to Steve house to work the next day. I was doing a large amount of work, all raw plaster miles of ceiling’s, all new walls and trim. My wifes response was thats good then she said how can you do all this work with your shoulder? I said, I don’t know? I said we need the money . I said God’s just going to have to get me through. You have to realize that I could not even sleep good at that time. At night I would lift my arm above my head while sleeping all the time which only damaged my shoulder more. We even discussed strapping my arm to my side while in bed to stop myself from doing this. So, Wednesday morning rolled around and I got out of bed and off I went to my brothers home. I went trip by trip carrying and unloading back and forth until everything was out of my car. I said hello to Nancy’s mom who was upstairs to let her know that it was only me.

I proceeded into the work zone and had to sand everything with my extension pole,I do mean everything! To me it had to be perfection. They deserved it, like everyone I ever was blessed to work with.

December 2010 was the winter of never ending snow  if you remember. I was working in one of the areas where there was a bank of windows and as I was working the radio was playing and Christmas music was on, I gazed out the window onto the gorgeous lanscape of the abundance of snow and its beauty. I remember thanking God, for the blessing of this job and my heart was filled with  such graditude. The next thing that happened as God as my witness is as follows,

I was looking with my head out the window and heard in my head the word shoulder. I looked up stunned and realized both of my hands were above my head sanding the ceilings. i had an extension pole which requires both hands to do this. I had been working for around 3 hours at this pont, with no pain and did not even notice, very strange.  I said Oh…… And a serge went from my feet to my head 3 times the last time the breathe was knocked out of my body like an estacy, I felt overwhelming love and then took my good hand and began to rub my bad shoulder that did not hurt anymore, my knee was not grinding nor was it swollen. I cried and ran the stairs to share with Nancy’s mom Madeline. She was busy doing the rosary at the time. I was in the place where God wanted me that day, I was in a very prayerful place personally and my heart was pouring out graditude and praise to my creator. He ansered my prayers more that I could ever have imagined. I had a lot of pain for a long time and I am glad to have had that gift of suffering  because I grew and learned the word surrender.I also learned from my master a love that is not of this world.

If you could please for pray for

Lacey and her family lost their father who was a believer a very wonderful man. . He was battling cancer.

Also,

Please , keep in your prayers also a young man Steve who died tragically. I got word this morning. He was a wonderful man from a great family.

 

While I’m Waiting.

john Waller

 

Lifes twist and turns

16 Wednesday Jul 2014

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My illness took me, a type A personality who never stopped and alterered my whole reality and my identity of who I was to myself, my family and the world. I went from super dooer to a person who relied on everyone especially my wife and kids, family and many friends for the majority of my daily needs. I remember the personal guilt of feeling as is if I failed my family and those who relied on me at that time. My mom and dad included. The fact that I could not work, and am  still not to this date, had really weighed on me . All the desires on my behalf of getting out of here have fallen short do to my slow but steady progress of recovery and the  rebounding energy drain from treatment etc. I am a Roman Cathoilc by my parents choice at baptism, by the sacrament of Holy Communion , Confirmation etc. Having said that,  I do believe is at some time in everyone’s life we are all born again. What I am trying to convey however clumby it may be is this. To me God, My personal God is waiting for us to personally meet him with a heart that yearns for him. I had always done the works before I had cancer. When I was a very young child I was a paperboy. On Thursday evenings I would go out deliver my evening route and collect the money from the customers, hopefully with a tip.:) I am guessing I was nineish. On Glen Ave in Arlington I had a number of clients, one inparticular has stayed in my heart and mind all theses years. Her name was Esther Sullivan. She lived in a second flloor apartment of a two family home. i would go up to her door ring the bell and there would be a buzz and the door would up lock for me. it was like Star trec or something. She could not do stairs easily anyway so, I would bring her paper up to her and her siamese cat would hiss at me.i though he was scary and exciting. His name was Tao. But, I digress. lol So anyways, during my visits. I would carry things in the kitchen because she was by herself and i wanted to. I began to spend a few more minutes there just talking to her about what ? maybe worms :)I then began to wash her kitchen floor her, I then went home and told my mom about Esther or in that day Mrs. Sullivan 🙂 My mom was making a cake at the time so I said mom can you make a little cake out of a small chicken pot pie tin, she was very compliant with my request and taada, Esther was getting a small cake weekly delivered in my mail bag on my stingray bike. The bottom line to this saga is this as a child our love and innocense guides so much. it is like the right thing to do is easily less complicated. Were just guided by God’s goodness and the Holy Spirit. As I got older personally doing good works and deeds became also combined with the fun of the crowd social aspect etc. Sorry was it really for God? The jury is still out. During my time here in a recliner ,I have had a lot of time to evaluate everything, not by emotion but by the Gold standard God, his teaching, commandments and what is this whole thing about meaning life. I do not know all the answers, i suspect I never will but I know the most important thing. God! He call us to love eachother the way that he loves us. God wants us to go to him for forgiveness , in my case that would be the confessional. because, I have learned that I need to forgive myself what i felt was my failure by getting sick and altering my whole families world. through my prayer, my confessional visits and a wonderful Priest, God has healed much more of my life that my body, my Spirit is awake and aware and the vision of myself as danny the person can love himself a lot more and accept that i did not bring this on myself. neither did God but he getting me through it one way or the other. He is the boss! He doing the very same for you all and always has. Well, One day I made my way to Esthers stairway rang the bell and there was no response after a few minutes, a man opened the screen door on the first floor and I said i was looking for mrs. Sullivan and he said she does not live here anymore. I still miss her today.Some times I wonder If she was sent as an angel into my life to see if I would respond to God’s calling. On a kind of sillier note I hope she was allowed to eat sugar and my little cakes were not leathal. Well in closing in Danny’s world here, I have made an effort whoever clumbsy to find God and it took diagnosis day when the Good Shepperd met me where I was at. We need to work our faith and pray even when we cannot feel anything. God will not fail to respond. And furthermore he will always meet us in the moment. Here is here. Feel the breeze on your face look at the beauty of a baby that you encounter it is that easy.

Carrie Underwood/ Vince Gill “How Great Thou Art” – YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NW0QkOUjweM

 

Bless You and Yours, Danny